The Girl who Survived (Fred Weasley)

CH 15. Confrontations

~Elodie's POV~

Death is easy. Living is hard. Yet why had everything before this year felt easy. Had I been dead until I suddenly came alive? Why had they decided to kill me? Why had I decided I suddenly needed to be alive. Oh right, I wanted to pass a stupid course.

***New Years Day (1:00 AM)***

"I love- I love you mate, ya know. We shared a bottle of fire whiskey,*hiccup*  we had this night, we both fancy the same lass, *hiccup* but we're fine! I love you mate," Cedric drunkenly said with his arm draped over Fred who was mimicking the came drunken affection.
"Here, here! *hiccup* Ya- you know you're like me brother mate. Only I got five already. *hiccup*" Fred said, his arm around Cedric's waist.
"There she is!" They said to me in unison as I turned to face them. Little did they realize I'd been not even two feet away speaking to Cedric's parents.
I knew they wouldn't remember in the morning. And the friendship would be short lived. I just wished they would be like this all the time. Selfish I know. But I wanted to have my cake and devour it too. I wanted both of them. What made it bad was that I wanted them both the same. The worst part was that I told Cedric I loved him, when in reality, I still wasn't sure I believed it.
Looking at Cedric, Fred and George on the stairs I thought about how easy it could be to have all three of them. How I wouldn't mind being shared by them, because I would never truly belong to them. They would all be mine.
"Alright, your parents are looking for the two of you," I told the twins. "And I'm sure you'd be more comfortable in bed," I said to Cedric.
"Looks like your night is going to be a bit better than ours mate," George leaned forward and said to Cedric.

*** 3:30 AM ***

"Cedric, Are you awake?" I whispered.
It was probably about 3 or 4 in the morning. Everyone had gone home. I was honest with Amos and Annie that we had been drinking. When I requested to stay in Cedrics room to make sure he wasn't too sick they had no hesitation, so long as we had separate covers, to which I did not protest. They trusted us.
I had brought up a pot of tea, some fizzy water and a few left over rolls of bread should Cedric wake up a bit peaky in the middle of the night.
"Mmm," he managed to coax out.
"I think when I get back, I need to talk to Minerva," I said. "I need to know the truth."
"Tomorrow darling," he said. He rolled over and slithered a hand under my covers to pull me closer to him.
He pulled his head into my chest and took a deep breath. He wanted to be held, to which I obliged. I played with his hair until I fell asleep, holding him there in my arms. This would be enough.

*** January 2nd~***

A handful of students had returned to the castle. Classes didn't begin for another three days. I sat on the ledge of the fireplace. Minerva was outside in the classroom. She still hadn't come in here. The room was dark. Only the dimming light from outside shone through the window. I summoned all the courage I could, I had been avoiding this. I heard the door unlock and push open. She walked in and took off her coat. She still hadn't noticed me sitting here yet.
"Oh, my dear! You'll stop an old woman's heart," She said once she noticed me. "What are you doing here, alone in the dark?" She asked and turned on a few of her candles.
"When were you going to tell me?" I whispered.
"Come again dear?" She said. She still stood by the door.
I took in a deep breath, and reminded myself I needed to know. "Sirius Black is my godfather. When were you going to tell me?" I said. She stood there, hand to her chest, eyes blank.
"Or the foggy visions I've been having? The empath feelings? The fact that I can't remember ANYTHING from when I was a child, or that I can easily do this," I said and turned the fireplace on with a roaring flame without moving, "When were you going to tell me?" I asked with tears building in my eyes.
She moved behind her desk and began rummaging through one of her drawers. But still she remained silent.
"It means something, doesn't it?" I said standing from the fireplace. Met by more silence.  "Tell me!" I said and a rage erupted from the flames bursting fire from the fireplace and the candles around the room.
"There is a reason," She said calmly and took a seat on the recamier. As if she knew this is how I would react. "When you were 9 years old there was an incident. We were in Dumbledore's office, you had been sent home from primary school. You attended school in London, a muggle school," She began.
"I thought I was homeschooled?" I interjected
"That was after, Please." She said and raised a hand, asking me to let her continue. "They said that a little boy had been teasing you, about not having parents and you pushed him across the schoolyard, and began choking him, but you never actually laid a hand on him. When we were in Dumbledore's office something similar happened," she said.
"What?" I asked, holding my breath, staring into the fire.
"He and I, we were on the landing while you were downstairs. We heard a glass bowl shatter, and when we looked over to you, you began crying. And then it was as if the room was going to split in half. Everything started flying around the room, and then you collapsed. When we got to you, your eyes were white. As white as if you were blind. Just as quickly as we saw them, they had shifted back." She looked at me with sadness as she recalled the memory. But I couldn't believe what she was saying.
"I don't remember any of this," I said and turned away from the fire, moving to lean on her desk the way she hated.
"When you didn't wake up, Albus called a healer, a friend of his he trusted. He told us that the incidents would only progress. They would become worse and more frequent. The only way to prevent it was to make you forget," she said.
"Make me forget? Forget what!?" I asked her.
"Everything," She said in a whisper.
I felt like I couldn't see anymore. The tears building in my eyes asking for an escape but I would give them the allowance. "What- what does that even mean?" I asked and slid down to sit on the floor, and hug my knees to my chest.
"There's a reason you can't remember your young life dear. He told us that your magic comes from a dark place," she said.
"I thought everyone can produce dark magic, it- it's a choice," I said, trying to comprehend.
"Yes, anyone may produce it, but your magic, in its entirety, is dark magic. The night your parents were killed, when your mother stopped you-know-who, part of the spell deflected, and his magic went into you," She said
"What does that mean?" I asked. My words felt strained, like if talking was becoming harder.
"His magic became yours. You contain the magic of two wizards. That's why it's always been easy to you," she said softly, as if she was ashamed.
"Easy? What part of my life has been easy Minerva!?" I said, gesturing to the room.
She stood from where she was sitting and began moving closer to me. "The only way to help you, was to make you forget, and to put a binder on your magic. To control it, we had to limit it," she said and crouched down to place a hand on my face. "Everything that I chose to do was only to keep you safe longer my dear," she said.
I pulled my face away from her touch and stood from where I was sitting. "Safe from what?"
"Yourself. And those who may think you've stolen something from you-know-who. You HAD to forget what's happened because knowing the truth puts you in danger. You knew everything my dear, things no one should know. You said, you could see people. People that weren't there," she said.
I crossed the room to be away from her. "So you made me forget them? That's why I can't remember my parents? How was that better for me?" I said. I couldn't control it anymore, the tears were flowing freely down my face.
"Because if it consumed you, if you gave into it, there would be no controlling it. It would define you. We had to take it from you, to give you a choice," she explained and I felt rage.
"No, you took EVERYTHING from me, and that was NOT my choice!" I said and felt the room shake as the fire exploded again. I felt the anger, it was building in my chest but seeing the fire brought me back. "What's happening to me?" I asked through sobs.
"When I gave you the time turner, I didn't realize you had chosen to take Divination. When you began Professor Trelawney's treatments, it began lifting the binder we put on your magic," She explained. "I wanted it to be your choice, that meant keeping you in the dark until you were older."
"Then put it back, I- I don't want this, put the binder back on," I pleaded with her.
"I can't, no one can," She said. I looked at her face for the first time and I saw her face was stained with tears as well. Her eyes filled with sorrow. "The only way to control it is just that, you need to learn to control it, you can't allow yourself to shift. When you do that you tap into the dark magic, and if you do that too often..."
"It'll take over," I said, finishing her thought.
"Yes. Oh, my dear I am so sorry," She said and began walking toward me but I put a hand up telling her to stay back.
"And my godfather what does he have to do with any of this?" I asked.
"We believe that he knows, and wants to kill you and Harry as a way to appease you-know-who. Or even as a way to give him power again," she said. She ignored my raised hand and moved across the room to take me into her arms. "Listen to me," she said and placed a hand on either side of my face. "I love you, okay. You have been only a blessing in my life and everything I have done, Everything, has been by your parents wishes to keep you safe," she said.
"But I can't remember them, Minerva please," I pleaded with her. My words are breathy. My face was soaking wet. "Please I need to know," I said.
She looked at me for a long moment. "Okay," she said and dropped her hands. She went to her desk and lifted the vile she had removed from her drawer. "This," she said and stretched her hand out for me to take it. "When you're ready, before you go to bed, drink it," she said and I took it from her hand. "You should know, in doing so, you remove what is left of the binder. I'm sorry my dear, but if you choose this, it's the only way"
I didn't say anything, I just burst through the door and started running.
"Elodie!" She called behind me but I was too far for her to see me.
The halls were still empty, so no one got in my way. I didn't know where I was going, I just kept running. Once I was in the courtyard I thought about going to the Hufflepuff common room, but Cedric wouldn't be back until tomorrow. I made my way back to the Gryffindor common room, I expected it would be empty enough, not many people had returned yet.
My breath was heaving. Either from the running or the thought that there was a chance of completion. I'd never felt like a whole person. Only book clippings of the person I thought I was expected to be. Never understanding love or the individuality of what it meant to be a complete person. I'd never realized fully given thought that what was missing from me could give me what I wanted.
"Password?" The painting asked.
"Fortuna Major," I said and entered through the door.
I saw two heads of red hair sitting on the couch snickering back and forth. I should have walked up to my room. I wanted to be alone. But I also didn't want to be by myself. I wiped a sleeve across my face in case and made my way over.
"Hey beautiful," they said in unison as I walked up to them.
"Hello," I said as I took a seat in the middle of them.
"What's going on dearie?" Fred asked.
"Have you been crying?" George asked.
"I don't want to talk about it, not yet," I said and leaned back deeper into the couch.
They resumed their conversation which went right over my head. I had a blistering headache, the kind you only get when you've been crying. I rested my head on George's shoulder and felt my breath become shallow again. Every time I exhaled I felt all the air leave my body. I couldn't stop thinking about everything Minerva told me. I couldn't stop thinking about whether it was worth risking my sanity just to have my memories back. Before I knew it the tears were running freely again.
"Hey, it's okay, it's okay," George cooed softly realizing what was happening and wrapped an arm over my shoulder pulling me closer to him.
"Whatever it is, it's going to be okay," Fred said. He moved to his knees so he was kneeling in front of me and was moving a few strands of hair out of my face.
I nodded and closed my eyes to evict the tears that remained. I wasn't sure if I really believed it would be okay. No matter what decision I made there would be a bad outcome. I just had to decide which was the lesser of two evils.
"Get some sleep, we can talk about it in the morning," George said.
I felt George's hand rubbing soothing circles on my back and it was coaxing me to sleep. It was making the headache go away.
"I don't want to be alone tonight," I whispered.
"Okay," Fred said.
We walked up to the boys dorm. They were the only two fifth years back so far. Their room was clean for a change. The three of us nuzzled on George's bed. They let me lay between them as they provided support and let me allow an occasional silent tear escape.