Tattoos and Bad Boys

Ch24: Inside Joke

(LOL, why can I imagine nogla or brian saying this to wildcat! (★ ω ★))

He then sat up an looked ahead of him as his left leg was up with his left arm resting on his knee.

"How are you not scared?" He asked

I was now confused and made myself wake up.

"What do you mean?" I asked

"I mean, How are you not afraid or wanna leave the state when you had a psychopath after you and gangs who can turn on you at any given moment? How can you trust us- love one of us even if we could turn on you too?" He asked," How are you not scared of it all?"

'He must be scared for his friends...'

I looked at the ceiling for a bit and then put my hands over my stomach. I thought of my answer before I said anything and after a bit of silence and thinking, I found the right words.

"I am scared." I replied," But I trust the gangs around me cause if I show them I'm scared then they will try to use that. I am DP, The tattoo artist with protection and the only civilian to actually have a good relationship with a bunch of gangs. If they knew deep down I was scared, they would try to use my fear to get what the want. Because I'm DP and no one would dare mess with me, so the amount of respect or fame would be brought to them if they used my fear against me."

I then smiled a little an hummed softly.

"But when you meet loyal gangs like The Green Flames, The Stitches, The Bloody Twins, and The Sharks well...all that changes!" I continued," Plus if others really knew I was scared, then my kids would be in danger! They would even have no one to look up to or save them if I was too scared to do the things I did."

"Why did you do the things you do?" He asked

I sat up an looked at him with a soft smile.

"Because what kind of person lets kids be in trouble or be the way I found my two boys? What kind of person would I be if I let the twins get taken and be roofied? What kind of person would you be if you had as much gangs on your side and let them use you?" I asked," You'd be a scared, weak and defenseless person who couldn't do something cause they let fear get the best of them. And I made sure it didn't get the best of me....But when salim came around I couldn't help but be scared..."

"But you still ran back into the alleyway." He said softly," We all saw the fear in your eyes and the way your body shook with fear....so why did you run back?"

"Well I'm sure you all also saw the things I did or said...." I said gently," I was done being scared...I was done feeling dead inside, I wanted to feel alive again!...I wanted to love someone without being scared that I would be killed for it..."

"What- well it's a weird question but even if you knew you'd be killed you still slept with tyler." He said an teased a bit," What did he do to make you forget you were scared?"

I looked at him then at the floor and tried to remember.

"Well he told me a lot and he told me he would love me better than salim did but what really stuck with me was when he said,' I will kill salim and I will love you better than him...I will protect you and I will never let you down...." I said gently," just as long as I can have you!"

I smiled softly an felt my heart beat with a sweet symphony of life.

"Don't be scared to take my heart, don't be scared to let me have yours!" I said softly," It was another thing he said that really hit differently."

"Awe, that was a good one." He teased

I giggled a little an then looked at him. He chuckled at me an then laid back down in his bed.