Angel Of Dawn

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Levi 》

I watch as her tear drops down her cheek then seep into her shirt, somehow, the only thing I can fathom right now is that I'm the cause of it. Never have I thought something as small as a tear would make me feel this monstrous. Yet I feel just like one for hurting her. Cruel just as one. And it's making me want to wrap my arms around her and apologize a thousand million times for my foolishness and the harsh words I said without thinking. The words that let themselves out without even a second thought.

I want to hug her so tightly she'd become a permanent part of me.

But I can't, because she walks away without giving me a chance to take back what I said. And I can't blame her, I'd hate me in a heartbeat.

In fact, I do hate me right now. So much and with such a burning passion, it's unreal. I've never felt this much self-hatred before. It's more hurtful than you'd think, being sick of yourself. You can't practically cut yourself off or have a break from yourself. It doesn't work like that. It's never that easy.

I feel my own tears sting my eyes as i watch her hop inside the car like a storm and i hear her say the words that crush me like nothing else. "You deal with this, beat him up or tie him down. I don't give a flying fuck."

Her words are followed by her frantic sobs and her heartbreaking loud heaves. I shut my eyes forcefully to absorb back the tears as I hear the car door slam shut. I already know it isn't her, so I might as well save myself the embarrassment of crying in the middle of the street.

It's something I grew to get used to. It's a bad habit to be so afraid of judgement, but it's all I've experienced in my life by this point.

Whoever the fuck that Orlacto is, I shouldn't have even acknowledged him in the first place. I keep forgetting it's none of my fucking business. He could be a friend for all I know, but my jealously was over the roof when I saw her with another guy. My tongue slipped. I told myself I'd have it together when her and Jake are together, for the sake of her happiness, but I guess I overestimated my self control. It seems I can't act rationally when it involves her.

I see him approaching me but I ignore him as I begin taking angry strides toward the car. I just want to talk to her. I pass by him but he puts his hand on my chest, facing away but still trying to stop me. I did, just because I felt too drained to talk or argue.

"I think you've done enough talking. Time to listen now." He said with determination in his voice. I glare at his hand that's still on my chest before pushing it away and facing him.

He speaks, cutting off whatever insult that was going to burst out of me. "I said now." He repeats himself, angrier right now. I look at the car Blaire's in, hearing her soft sobs and her even softer hiccups.

Each one makes my heart feel like it has a twisting dagger in it. Knowing I'm the cause of her pain yet I can't do a single thing to comfort her or to take back my words. They've already been spoken. By far the biggest fib I've ever said.

I'm not ashamed of her.

If anything, I'm glad I had someone like her, even for such little while. If only she knew how I saw her. If she only saw how my words were the exact opposite of how I felt, what I wanted to say and what I wanted to show her.

That I would support her in whatever decision she made, that I truly feel as though she's my other half. My soul-mate. Show her how I'd be anything she wants and everything she wishes for. Show her how she doesn't need anyone but me. I'd be there for her and let her see for herself how she doesn't need that other guy and that everything she saw in him she'll see a tenfold in me.