Angel Of Dawn

⋆↟•─────⋅☾⁴⁶☽⋅─────•↟⋆

My Blairlings: first of all, i just think this photo matches Blaire on so many levels. Second of all, i know this is some kind of celeb—I've seen her on pinterest but that's all I know about her, but she's gorg, i had to—but i don't think that'll stop me from creating the personality i see perfect for Blaire. Plus, I just love her innocent smile and her youthful face. She deserves better, I kinda hate myself for putting her through such awful situations. :)

~~~

Blaire 》

I've calmed down, I no longer want someone to hurl me off a cliff. But I'm still crying, I think my eyes are well trained by now. I still want to cease my existence, but a little less now that the street started to get packed with pedestrians, the windshield isn't tinted, so I have to stop ugly crying in order not to creep anyone out.

Never mind, it's making me feel worse with all those stares.

Levi's words are still echoing in my mind. Repeating and reminding me every five seconds of what I've done to our confusing friendship. I didn't deserve his harsh words. I mean, i hurt him so he hurts me. It's only fair. But it doesnt feel fair. I was the one who got slapped around and punched. I was the one who would wake up with a new bruise to hide and another sleeping position to avoid if i wanted to heal faster. I was the one who'd tumble down the stairs and dragged around for merely existing. I was the one brushing my hair very tenderly or it would all fall out because of how often my father would pull it. I was the one that got a burn mark the size of a watermelon on my back because my father wanted to see me wither in pain in front of him after he heated a pan just for that.

I was the one who was punished for defending myself, for a reaction and not an action. I was the one who was blamed for it all, the harassment, and for being at my own house when my father was home, the death of my own mother.

I was the one who got pinched, choked, blackmailed and raped all because i tried to stand my ground and set boundaries.

All of this feels like a hella far cry from fair. I have no idea if he knew the meaning of his words, but he sounded so genuine and it's making me shake with utter devastation.

The fact that I heard the same words coming out from my father's mouth made it all feel so real. So freaking real, like it wasn't only my father that felt that way.

As I'm very pitifully sniffling and hiccuping, seeing how pathetic my worthless life has got, a mother with her kid by her side walk in front of Lando's car. Even through her black sunglasses, I can see her disgusted stare because of the sneer of her lip. As if I'm not the most pleasing sight she's seen. What the heck is her problem?

Maybe she's not looking at me. Her kid is, though.

I flip him off, he laughs as he walks away with his mom.

Gosh, people just hate minding their business. Then again, I'm one of those people. Which is why I'm staring out the driver seat's window, because I have a better view from here. There's a little girl, probably thirteen or fourteen, laying on her stomach in her front yard, reading. Though I can't see clearly from here. Maybe a magazine.

I can see her quite clearly, the door to her front yard is allowing me to see her. Especially since I'm not directly parked in front of the fence, but a few feet back. So I can see her, though I'm not sure I should.

She looks so peaceful with her two tiny brunette braids and the tiny white/rose bows at the end of each one of them. I don't know why I'm intrigued, but I am. Something about her baby face and the innocence she's radiating is so attractive. You know those people who attract others for no reason at all? Just by existing and with no efforts at all? She's one of them.