Levi x Reader Oneshots 2

Apprivoisé (Grieving Levi x Reader)

Author's Note: This oneshot is a bit more personal to me than most of the others. I'll try to keep a long story short, but please be advised, it is a sad tale. I care for stray/feral cats, and if possible, I rescue them and get them adopted. There's one family in particular I've been working with for two and a half years, since they were kittens. I've watched them grow up, gradually earned their trust, and few months ago, I figured they were ready to be domesticated. However, two of the three proved much more difficult to catch than I'd hoped, and before I could get them, one was killed. (We think he got hit by a car, but we aren't 100% sure.) That was about a week and a half before Christmas. I was the one who found him, and of course, I was devastated. He was family to me, and it felt awful to lose him, especially when he was still so young and so close to being brought inside. Despite the fact that he wasn't officially mine, I felt very strongly that I couldn't just leave him where I found him, so with the help of a friend, I took him to a crematorium, and I kept his ashes and his pawprint. 

I think this experience gave me a new depth of understanding to how Levi must've felt when he ordered the other soldiers to dump his subordinates' bodies. Yes, it was the logical decision. Yes, he was saving people's lives and not technically hurting his squad, since dead is dead. However, for those left behind, it feels so important to do everything you can for the loved ones lost, even if all you can do is give them a proper burial or cremation. Speaking from experience, it feels like the very least you can do, and it feels like it's not enough, and yet the idea of not doing it is unfathomable. Moreover, Levi gave away Petra's patch - the one thing he had left of her - at a time when you want desperately to hold on to whatever small pieces of your loved one that you can grasp. A patch. A pawprint. His actions were an entirely different level of selflessness, breaking his own heart over and over, just so his comrades didn't have to suffer as much.

The title of this story, "Apprivoisé", is a reference to a French classic titled "Le Petit Prince". (If you haven't read it, I'd highly recommend. It has been translated into many languages for those that don't speak French.) Specifically, there's a part where the prince meets a fox, and they talk about how much your perspective changes when you become friends with another creature, or "tame" them. How you learn to listen for the sound of their footsteps and notice all the little, unique things they do. How you grow to feel responsible for them. How much joy they bring to your life by simply existing. How they leave a mark on your heart forever, even after the two of you part ways. The story kept running through my mind while I was grieving the loss of my cat, and I think it would apply to Levi's situation as well. 

You made your way through the hallways of the castle that had formerly been Scout Regiment Headquarters, deafened by the silence. You'd expected it to be empty, but...somehow, the knowledge that there should've been four more people here made it worse. The lack of their presence was tangible, as if there was a visible void where they should've been talking in the common room, or taking dinner in the mess hall, or training in the yard.

You'd arrived here about an hour ago with Commander Erwin and a few cadets from the 104th. Together with Captain Levi and Eren, you'd all sat around a table in the mess hall, listening while Erwin explained the plan. Afterward, you'd asked the commander for permission to stay behind and support the two remaining members of the Special Operations Squad, and he'd granted it.

You saw the others off, then went back inside the castle. By the time you returned to the mess hall, it was empty, so you went to the basement next, knowing that's where Eren was kept at night. The cadet was already in his cell when you arrived, and he seemed to be sleeping – though you weren't sure if he was pretending or not. Either way, you didn't want to disturb him, so you left him be and set off to find Levi.