Captured Hearts

Lavender fields

Caris 

It has been about three weeks now since we left our world behind and moved to Italy. We are now located just outside of Rome and outside Deans Dads Villa are these beautiful fields of lavender. It's a beautiful place where I could relax and be away from the constant chitter chatter around the halls of the main villa where we were staying. It was serene and especially mesmerizing when the sun would set and the sky cast a beautiful pink hue over the purple lilac lavender flowers. The sky soft and calm, the air smelling sweet and making me feel peaceful even on my busiest and most hectic of days.

Every evening I would find myself wandering out of our luxurious white and sandy beige decorated king size room to watch the sunset alone.

I would let my steps carry me away to a hilltop that overlooked the lavender flowers. I could see the villa not terribly far away and the sun was warm on my now golden tanned skin. The flowers looked like a sea of lilacs under a blushing pink sky and in the far distance you could see the beautiful city's landscape. 

I was a stranger here, a foreigner and no one trusted me or wanted to spend any time talking to me, well other than Marian

 I would become lonely during the days while Dean trained. The night often didn't bring comfort, I would lay awake waiting for him only to be met by the morning sun and bitter disappointment. 

The nights he would return to bed he had bruises all over him, and he had become a stranger to me. He would not talk, claiming to be far too tired and as of last night he was too tired to even wrap his arms around me. I was growing to resent Italy, the mafia and the man Dean had become.

Yet every morning I would wake up to a note from Dean, it was what gave me hope. Hope that the man I loved was still inside this new distant Dean who grew more distant each day, his heart darkened each day and the light Dean once had faded more and more. 

The note always reminded me of the beginning, our beginning. When he would leave me notes with jobs to do written on it. The notes no longer carried instructions or requests but simply 'Good Morning x' but the kiss is what kept my heart alive with hope. 

I longed for his tender soft lips to devour mine and to feel the rough bristles of his beard against my soft skin. Only He had not kissed me in near to two weeks; which bothered me but still I held hope especially as some nights he still returned to hold me.

That was until last night, everything has changed between us and my heart feels lost and alone now more than ever.

I mean sure I knew when I accepted this huge change in our lives that it would mean he would become very busy. I even knew the training would be risky and the bruises don't surprise me. 

Only I didn't realize that I would lose the man that I loved in the process. 

He is very much alive and still breathing, so I know I have not exactly lost him but he's changed. He seems disconnected, distant and like his mind is stuck in dark places. 

I needed to get used to these changes or I would lose myself too! 

Today when I woke up and next to me was a warm body, one smelling of a familiar scent. I leaned over to peep at his face, it was scrunched up and Dean was mumbling in his sleep. My face dropped as I witnessed another nightmare plague Dean's sleeping face. I let out a sigh only knowing that when he did wake the darkness would remain. He lives in his mind, his nightmares are not gone when he wakes and I can see that it's taking a toll. 

Still it had been a good long couple of weeks waking to a cold bed more often than not, so I lingered in his warmth. I laid beside him basking in his scent and I felt a small tear roll down my cheek. Only a little over a month ago we were waking up in Edinburgh to the beautiful views of a city and visiting the castle. 

When we first arrived here I was excited for our future together, now I dread waking most mornings. After I had enjoyed being close to Dean and soaking up his scent and warmth while he snorred away, I finally crawled out of bed. 

Like most mornings I had a shower and got dressed, I had become so used to being alone that I didn't waste even a minute in hope that Dean would join me. 

I actually made myself shower faster, I wanted to get out of the room and away from Dean before he woke up. I was afraid of the awkward silence, we needed to talk but not like this. 

Also Dean would surely be in a grump and I didn't want to see the stranger he had become, so I hurried along and got dressed and headed down to the kitchen. 

Marian, who was Dean's fathers housekeeper, greeted me. She was the only one who really spoke to me, the only conversation that I would have each day. At first I thought she may be the only one to speak English but I have since heard others talk English, just not with me.

Marian was an older lady, about sixty and she would make breakfasts then clean. She only worked from 7am until midday, she had told me she retired recently but loved working as it kept her from being bored. Marian was a lovely person who had many stories to share from her youth. Her life could have been written into a drama, but she was humble and kind and my only friend in this place.

"Sweet love, I made you a sausage sandwich and a coffee, how did you sleep? '' she chirped just like every morning since I had come here. She clearly was a morning person!

"Oh Marian, you really didn't have to, you know I am happy to make my own food" I exclaimed. Not that I was not grateful but I knew she had a lot of jobs to get done and I hated adding to her list of jobs.

"Hush now, eat child! I don't mind, besides I made myself a coffee so that I may take my break and tell you what happened to my friend after her father sold her to the mafia" I chuckled before listening to more of Marian's story while eating my breakfast. 

She really had a way with words, one that brought the past back to life. To most a story about the Mafia would be fiction, only for both Marian and myself it was a part of our lives. She had always been Elio's housekeeper, well she had been his housekeeper since Lisa had given up that job to live a life of love with Elio. 

After our coffees I helped Marian by cleaning the kitchen and watering some plants out on the patio. I always offered to help and Marian was both grateful and gracious when accepting my help. I secretly enjoyed the small jobs she entrusted me to do, I felt useful and less like a guest, not that others saw me as more than an unwanted presence. 

Cleaning kept my mind busy a bit, I felt helpful and appreciated even if only by Marian. Most people here appear to think that I am Dean's whore. We may be engaged but not one person here treats me as their future Don's wife. Not that I want to be treated as some royal spoilt future Mrs Don, but I would like them to at least acknowledge that I am not a common tart. 

I finished spraying the patio plants and took a deep sigh, I needed to let go of this hatred that is growing inside me, gnawing at me.

Like I had most mornings when I went to read in the library, I had found a small corner with a lovely bean bag and a selection of mystery books. I pulled out the book I was currently engrossed in and read until I was startled by my phone buzzing. I had a text from Dean, that was new; he never texted me! Or least he never texted me anymore.

"meet me at 6pm for dinner on our balcony" it read and I almost squealed, I had missed him so much. I really needed a date night with him. My man is still in there, I just know it!

would love to hear your thoughts, I hope you all liked this chapter. As usual its the calm before the storm.

Who's mad at Dean for Caris being so lonely!