Captured Hearts

Stepping up

Caris

I tossed and turned in my bed, feeling the cold linger beside me in its empty state. The bed felt bigger without Dean, too big for just me and colder with the room feeling all that much smaller. I know the last couple weeks we had not been intimate, but even just having his arms around me fueled me and empowered me to keep going in this strange place where I am clearly disliked. Still the last night he was in this bed with me he didn't hold me, and the tears that flowed silently that night cracked open my heart and broke me just a little bit.

I knew after those men had broken in that Dean wasn't coming home to me that night, I knew he would miss our dinner together but what echoed loudest in my thoughts was that he may never hold me again!

After tossing and turning for what felt like hours I curl into a ball and ball my hands into fists against my eye sockets, squeezing my eyes closed tightly as warm liquid flowed to my pillow dampening the cotton and coating my cheeks in a salty cold coating that was sure to dry to my skin as I slept. Only how could I sleep when Dean had been gone a full three days and Elio had been nowhere to even ask if there had been any progress. I felt useless, he sacrificed so much to save me from Davide, yet I just lay here doing nothing when he needs help.

I don't know how long it took me to fall asleep, I don't know how much sleep I actually had, especially as I kept waking from nightmares. I had a raging headache so I went to the ensuite to find myself looking back from the mirror, empty eyes and a pained expression but it felt like I was looking at a stranger. I had been having such chronic anxiety I had been having on and off again sickness since Dean had been taken. This caused me to lose even more weight and become pale and look withdrawn.

I took some painkillers with water, brushed my teeth and jumped into the shower to wash away my dried tears and sticky body. I had woken so often in a clammy shaken state coated in sweat. The shower felt amazing and almost healing as the warm water cascaded down my skin in fine pearls. I turned the heat up, the guilt of enjoying anything without Dean tormenting me, the heat left my skin red and sensitive but the sensation of a higher temperature left my body feeling alive again.

I quickly threw on my clothes while I stared out our large balcony window, just wishing his silhouette would be there, casting a shadow from the morning sun, but our balcony lay bare and I sigh in despair.

Finally I made my way to the kitchen where Marian was making a fresh pot of coffee and some frittatas which smelled glorious. "Good morning Marian, this kitchen smells wonderful" I said as I fluttered behind her. "Morning Miss Collins, may I interest you in some breakfast" she said in a nonchalant tone that unsettled my stomach. This was not her usual self, I looked at her and her eyes darted to the side, so I turned to see Elio and one of his men just sitting and watching us.

"Yes please Marian, whatever you're making smells amazing! Thank you" I said, realizing she would be in trouble with Elio if he had any inkling that I had been helping her with her jobs or she had been taking breaks to chit chat with me over a brew.

I sat on a stool across from Elio at the island, he looked stressed himself and he grunted at me as he harshly placed his mug down. I mean sure it wasn't the same as slamming it in anger but still I felt the air thicken as it harshly made contact with the surface of the island. Elio took his paper and lifted it to read, raising an eyebrow and looking at me over the paper.

"So Carry have you heard from your fiance? '' He said bitterly and the way he gripped the paper so tight that his knuckles were white didn't go amiss.  I didn't understand why he was asking such silly things, I mean if Dean had contacted me Elio would be the first person I would tell. Not to mention the way he purposefully misnamed me. He knows my name and he is just trying to get to me.