The Simplicity in a Need

Chapter 33

I slowly make my way out of the room with a sigh. My heart can't take much more of this. If these guys were playing me then I'm going to be hurt bad. I grip at my chest as I make my way downstairs. I really hope that isn't the case.

I hear noise in the kitchen so that's were I head. I stop in the doorway and watch as the guys move around chatting. Matt is sitting at the counter swinging his legs animatedly. Cedric is cooking what smells like bacon and Dean is brewing up coffee. Like always I'm blown away by how peaceful it all looks.

"Ceddy do you think he hates me? He seems to really like you guys, but I know I can be annoying," Matt says softly setting his head down on the table. Was he talking about me?

Cedric scoffs and shakes his head, "I have no doubt in my mind that if he likes anyone of us, that it's definitely you."

"But- but it doesn't seem like it," Matt groans out.

"Why don't you just ask him?" Cedric says before turning around to look at Matt but stops short when he sees me, "he's right there."

He's eyes don't leave me as I glance at Matt. Could they really be worried that I'm the one who doesn't like them? I'm just scared that it's all to good to be true. I mean who would like me.

Matt turns to look at me with wide eyes and shifts awkwardly, "how'd you sleep Ronny?"

I give him a small smile and go to apologize but Cedric seems to read my mind, "don't even say you're sorry."

I shut my mouth immediately and glare down at the ground. I am sorry. I wish they had never seen me like that. I walk over to the counter and seat beside Matt. He looks at me with wide eyes and I bend over to give him a soft kiss on the cheek. I don't know why he's think anyone could dislike him.

He face goes bright red and he looks away putting his hands on his face. Cedric laugh, "see! You got a kiss."

I tilt my head and him and reach over the counter to kiss him on the forehead. However he moves and I end up meeting his lips instead. It was a quick peck but I back up immediately in embarrassment and he looks at me with shocked eyes.

I had never initiated such forward affection. Only because I never want to overstep and intrude. I start to feel bad as I glance at Matt and Dean. Who weren't even paying attention. That somehow made me feel even worse though. Like it was a secret.

Dean stretches and looks at me. He frowns slightly before coming to sit beside me, "something wrong?"

I sigh and shake my head. Anxiousness was starting to creep in. That horrible nightmare had only preceded to make it worse. I just smile at him and shrug. He looks at me intensely before turning back to his coffee.

"Let's go on another date!" Matt says from beside me grabbing my shoulder softly, "please?"

"No," I respond immediately, "I'm sorry but I can't keep entertaining the idea that you guys actually want me. Maybe this is fun for you but it's not for me. I can't get hurt like this. I think I'm gonna go."

I stand abruptly as I speak. I didn't mean to snap. Actually I already regret it. I never show my true emotions. My heart hurts as I move around the counter and towards the door but Dean blocks me.

"Let me go Dean," I say with a vulnerable tone and I glare at the floor for sounding so weak.

"We aren't playing with you, everything we do is genuine. Do you understand that?" Dean grinds out. I notice his fists are clenched and back up slightly. He flex's out his finger and raises his hand to my face. I flinch back slightly and he stops for a second before grabbing my chin. He forces me to look up, "you know how much I love Matt and Cedric right?"

I try to back out of his grip on my chin but he doesn't let go. He stares at me intensely and I advert my eyes. He just moves into my field of vision though.

"You know right?" Dean asks again and I back into the counter. My mouth goes to open and I shiver slightly before nodding, "good, I feel the same way about you as I feel about them."

My heart stops as I stare into deans determined eyes. He looked dead serious and I suddenly can't breath. I try to move away again but he doesn't let me move. Trapping me with his arms on either side of me.

"I'm the same way," Cedric says from my right and I turn to look at him with surprised eyes. I unconsciously start making myself smaller.

"Me too!" Matt practically yells. I feel a tear streak down my face and push Deans arm away. It doesn't budge though and I look down at the space between us.

"Aron," Dean says my name in a much softer voice and I shiver, "why are you ignoring our feelings?"

Suddenly he backs up giving me space but Matt takes his place wrapping his arms around my waist. He looks up at me with pleading eyes and I roughly wipe at my face.

"Because I'm a whore, I'm not worth anything, who would want something that's worthless?" I grunt out angrily before trying to pry Matt's strong arms off of me. My heart is beating a million miles a minute. It felt like it would explode.

Matt grips at my sides at my words and Cedric scoffs. Dean glares at me, "have any of us ever called you a whore? Who did that to your back Aron? Who fucking branded you a whore?"

I freeze at the mention of my back. The horrid word that was sketched into my skin. Whore. It had merely been an insult when it had been carved into my skin. Now it was my truth. That man made me to a whore.

Thoughts race through my head. About that man. About my father. My mother. My brothers. School. About my disgusting need. I stagger against the counter and my vision blurs with tears I can't feel. My breathing becomes labored and I feel like I'm going to feint.

"Aron? Aron!" Matt says as I fall to the floor. My hands grip at his belt in desperation but I dont undo it. My head spins and Matt undoes his own belt. He pulls his pants down as well.

Mature Warning Ahead!!!!!!!!

In an instant he's in my mouth and I'm bobbing my head up and down for dear life. The only thought being that I'll be okay once he comes. I'm always okay after they come. I just need to make them come. My anxiety dies down slowly and the panic attack leaves my body as I hear Matt's soft moans. He's rubbing my forehead and brushing his fingers through my hair soothingly.

Tears continue to stream down my face even as Matt shudders above me cumming in my mouth. I hold him up slightly as I clean him and stand with a sad expression. The proof stood firm that I was nothing but a whore. I didn't deserve these guys.