The Simplicity in a Need

Chapter 50 (Matt's POV)

(Matt's POV)

Absolute destruction. That is what I caused when that bathroom door was finally opened. I screamed, cried and threw a huge childish tantrum. I hate to admit that I even tore up Aron's apartment. That's why I was currently in it. Cleaning up the huge mess I had made.

Aron. He's such a kind man. I can't understand why anyone would hurt him. No- that's not right. I know exactly what kind of trash would. The same man who's blood I was scrubbing up. It was awful.

The scene we had walked back into after I ran to get the guys was horrifying. Not because of the blood or even the whole murdering thing. No it was Aron's face that really scarred me. He had been so pale and sweat was trailing down his face. His eyes though were bloodshot and looked empty. He had been a shell as he murdered his disgusting uncle. Then when he finally stopped his expression turned to downright terrified. He was so scared of the man who's life he had just ended.

He had been so frantic as he gripped ahold of his mouth like he was gonna puke. When he ran into the bathroom, I couldn't move at first. His face was so haunting, because it was familiar.

Because it was the face I made when my own mother passed. Of natural causes. I thought I'd be happy. Normal. That I would never have to make up for my fathers mistake again. But I was wrong. I was so scared to be gay that I had denied it for years.

I had rather be a stalker than gay. So that's what I had done. I would stalk the guys I thought were attractive, but would never approach. Pictures and videos of them. Looking back on it I am terribly insane for thinking what I was doing was normal. Okay. It wasn't until years later when I got out of the mental hospital that I realized how messed up I'd always be. So I let myself be. I was already going to be a freak. Might as well be a gay freak.

That look Aron showed made me so heartbroken. I would never wish that fear on anyone. I haven't been able to go to the hospital. I'm not allowed after I had threatened a stupid nurse because she wouldn't let me see him. Cedric has been sending pictures but it's like I'm being a horrible boyfriend. I can't even visit him.

Cleaning his apartment was completely my idea. Not for when he gets out but for his closure. I had no intentions of letting Aron out of my sight for the foreseeable future. He was staying with us whether he liked it or not.

I really miss him. Desperately. He has so quickly become a very important and needed member of my family. I try to be wary of strangers. I try to keep distance because of how quickly I become attached/obsessed with people. However Aron stormed in(not really, we kind of held him hostage) captured are hearts and is now gone. He was never supposed to leave me. None of them can ever leave me.

That probably sounded crazy. Yes it definitely did. I want to be better for them. I've worked really hard not to be to clingy and obsessive. I have hardly made any progress though.

When I first met the guys I was starstruck. Like actually. I was standing on the railing of a random bridge I had come across after getting the crap beaten out of me by the man who I had been stalking. Funnily enough I can't even remember what he looked like. He was nothing compared to  Dean and Cedric.

I can still clearly remember that day. Dean was wearing his usual attire but had a lot less tattoos. He was clean shaven back then. His hair was longer as well almost as long as Aron's is now. He didn't keep it that way for long though. He was the definition of tall, dark and handsome. Hell he still is. Cedric was wearing light blue jeans and a long sleeve white shirt with and a dark grey cut off flannel. He also wore a black denim jacket. His hair was still his natural dark curly brown. They were like knights swooping into save a princess.

Dean had calmly asked me if I smoke. I had immediately assumed he meant drugs and shook my head no. Not that I smoked cigarettes back then either. Because even though I had been ready to die. Dean is really freaking scary when he wants to be. He then just tossed me a pack of cigarettes and told me to start. That if I was going to die anyway it might as well be a slow death. That way he could get to know me first.

It was one of the sweetest things anyone has ever said to me. It wasn't meant to be comforting and it wasn't said because I was going to die. He understood that I would never want to hear those things. The simple promise of getting to know each other was enough. Especially for me. I became obsessed with him instantly.

Cedric was the same way. Nonchalant but caring. When I had jumped down he had shrugged out his jacket and had tossed it around me. Before shaking his head and telling me that I was and I quote "a fucking moron."

I was enamored and was ready to do anything to please them. Sex had been difficult at first but eventually I gave myself completely to them, and I loved every minute of truly falling in love with Dean and Cedric.

Aron. Aron was different. I attached onto him quickly, even after being so careful, and fell in love with him right after. Sleeping with him had been earth shatteringly amazing. He was gentle and kind. He's so adorable. When he gets excited his eyes light up and his eyebrows shoot up real fast. When he's upset he curls his fists and gives the cutest pout. Every look he makes, every action I watch, the more I fall madly in love with him.

I should have done something for him. I want to see him so desperately it hurts. A clue that my obsession is rearing it's ugly head. I will continue to patiently wait until he wakes. Gosh I hope he wakes up.

I love them all so much. What if he doesn't wake up? No- do not think like that Matthew. He will wake up. He has too. He can not leave us alone. I need him, we need him.

My eyes widen and my arm stops scrubbing the ground. I chuckle softly. How ironic. Our relationship started off of Aron's need. Now we need him in our life's. I can't wait to tell him that. I want to see him. I WILL see him again.

(A/n: I'm not sure if you guys could tell but I'm trying to write these parts like I'm different people. Well- I mean the POVs obviously changed but I mean even the internal dialogue. Like Cedric curses a lot. Even in his head, and for this chapter Matt corrects his own thoughts. It's something I do personally. I know it would have just been easy to rewrite the paragraphs but I like the little extra notes he inputs in his own mind. I swear I'm not crazy!!!😂💙💙

Ps. I don't understand why I get more and more nervous about posting a chapter I've written.😖