Darkness. That's all I am experiencing. This is death? So god really doesn't exist. Neither does hell? I can't even haunt someone? I'm meant to just live in the darkness. How sad. Even in the afterlife I'm meant to be sad and alone.
I was expecting to be greeted by the fiery gates of hell. After killing three different people now. Does that make me a serial killer? They all deserved it though.
Maybe this is my own personal hell. Nothing. I am meant to drown in my thoughts and memories forever. How horrible.
I wish I had done better. I always thought when I finally kicked the bucket, I'd be able to apologize to Ally. To tell her I'm so sorry for not protecting her. To beg forgiveness for being a terrible brother. However it seems even that's not possible.
What did I do? To deserve the life I've lived. My family was cursed. The whole lot was screwed from birth. I hadn't even been able to save Kyle. This was always meant to be my fate.
Memories begin to consume all my senses. The sweet smell of peaches. The vivid images of tattoos. The bright sound of laughter. Their faces plague me in a way I hadn't thought would ever be possible. It hurts to see someone you can't see anymore. This was better though. They can go back to their lives where I hadn't been involved.
My senses continue to be assaulted. It was almost like I can taste peaches. The laughter turns to sobbing. I look around in the darkness wildly. Sniffing to get closer to that delicious smell. Was this hell after all?
Was I meant to forever be plagued with thoughts of the lovers I could have had? Am I supposed to stew in the regret for the rest of eternity? I have never done anything deserving of something so horrible.
Soft whispers surround me and I flinch. Wildly trying to find the source of the sounds. Where was that coming from. My head snap around in the darkness as the whispers get louder and I can words. The smell of peaches consumes me as someone speaks.
"This is stupid. I shouldn't be sitting here talking to myself. Do you see Aron?" The voice sounds so familiar but I can't quite place it as it sounds muffled. How does this person know me? "Do you see what I've resorted too? I'm talking to myself in this horrible hospital room. It smells like ammonia and fucking moth balls. Which makes no fucking sense. There's no fucking closets in here A. Not to mention I'm talking to even though your knocked the fuck out."
Suddenly it's quiet; however, I know who is speaking to me. The crass language and the use of the nickname ver clearly lets me know that I'm hearing Cedric. My torture is really meant to be the guys? Like this? Hearing them talking to me and not being able to respond?
"You are a beautiful man Aron. Even now, in your pale ass state. You're beautiful even when you look like shit," there's soft humorless chuckling. Why was he saying these things? Pale? I look down attempting to look at my hands and find them perfectly normal, "have you ever been told that? I've noticed that you aren't self conscious about anything other than your scars. There's no way you look in the mirror and don't go 'I look fucking hot'...... fuck, I'm ranting. What did I want to say? I wish I was as good at expressing myself as Mattie. Mattie said that he feels really shitty about not being able to come visit. He's still not allowed back. That bitch was being rude as shit though. She wouldn't even answer our questions. Plus she spent like 30 minutes questioning if we were really family. Family is anyone who showed up at the hospital. Anyone who cares. That's fucked up, right?....... Shit, did it again."
A deep harsh sigh escapes him and mumbles that I can't quite hear start rambling. Hospital? I'm not dead? I don't feel any pain.
The smell of peaches invades my nose again and my eyes widen in shock. I was actually smelling Cedric. He was near me. He's talking to me. I try to open my mouth but it feels as though it glued shut. I try to scream but no sound comes from me at all.
"Ok! Fuck, I love you Aron. Like head over heels, I'll fucking die for you shit, you know? Damn that's sappy. Shit, I don't think you understand A. You think we would be able to just fucking 'forget' you? Like fucking hell, I can't stop thinking about you! Man it's almost been a month. You gotta- you really gotta wake up. The moment you stepped into our lives, the moment we let you in. You became one of us. Now we're connected. And now we're falling apart. We're fucking tearing at the seams A. Dean hardly talks, and won't open up about it. Some shit about us all going through it. Like we don't always talk everything out. Mattie has been hardcore chain smoking. Which means he's been thinking bad thoughts. Really bad thoughts. I- I'm losing it too man. I can't do it. If you die, we will fucking crumble. Do you understand what the hell I'm saying Aron? I'm done with you're we're to good for you bullshit. I watched my mother have sex with dozens of different men Aron. I fucking torched my house because all the anger I held towards that woman. How much more human can I get for you? Why the fuck do you put us in such a higher light? I cuss and hate fucking greens. I'm a normal fucking dude.... Fuck, I wasn't supposed to get angry. I'm sorry. I know I can be a fucking asshole, but I swear Aron you are so fucking important to us. How am I meant to get that through to you?" I want to get to his so desperately that I start running. He had nothing to apologize for. I was a complete fool. An over-thinker and a utter dumbass. His every word piercing straight into me imbedding into my heart causes more intense pain. I want more than anything to ease their suffering.
My running stops as a thought occurs. I want to get to him? Back into the world? I want to live? I shiver violently at how scary that thought is. No, I don't want to go back into the world where I'd always be afraid. Where I would always be a whore. In a body that was so dirty. I do want to get to Cedric though. Even in the early stages of death I'm a bother to them.
A million thoughts go back through my head about what I truly wanted to do. Then four words from Cedric decide for me. Breathy and shaky from what sounds like crying he chokes out, "we fucking NEED you."
(A/n: thank you to everyone who took the time to answer my question last chapter!!! It really helped me. I have decided that I will definitely be doing option 3, just for the closure of this book. It will be shorter than this one and will probably have quite a few POV changes. I would love to fill in all my plot holes and fix any loose threads so that is the plan.
However I millions of ideas(I wish that was an exaggeration) and I also want to finish First Responders. A book I will be putting on a schedule just not a frequent as this one(no motivation😭) but I will be continuing.
I know it's wrong but I do also want to write a new book. Either Option 1 or 2, I haven't exactly decided which yet. I'm thinking maybe 1 because I love creating characters and I'd kind of like to explore the rest of the backstories in the second book with Aron. Which would leave nothing but repetitiveness. I'm not sure.
Thank you all so much!!! I love you all💙💙💙
Ps. This is a bit of a filler chapter. Im sorry😭
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The Simplicity in a Need
Romance(Book 1 in the 'Need Series') Aron's past ruined him. Turned his anxiety into his worst night mare and kept his fear alive every day. People call him a sex addict. Others say he's obsessed. No one knows that's it's a physical need. If he doesn't gi...
