(Dean's POV)
Life is about making decisions. Hard decisions. Every choice has an after effect. Everyday I make my choices based on what would cause the least amount of inconvenience. My life would be meaningless if I didn't have my family.
Ginna was my reason for living my entire childhood. I had make the decision to keep on living so that she could be safe. So that I could keep her safe. And I failed. I couldn't stop the bastard that raised us from touching her.
Then Cedric came along. I had never actually been interested in anyone before. At the time I hadn't even been interested in him. Not until he had confessed to me. I have a bad problem. Probably just as bad as Mattie's. I can't help but fall in love with those who truly love me. Faults and all. The moment I learn someone cares, I care back.
A simple man. That's all I ever wanted to grow up to be. Now I have to count my breaths every time someone says something that makes me angry.
Aron has never said he loves me. He's the first person I have ever wanted without being wanted back. He was mine long before he realized it. He was safe as long as he was with me.
I stand abruptly and rush out of the hospital leaving Cedric in the room with Aron. I was enraged. Red burning at the edges of my vision as I storm out the building, turn and punch the brick wall with all I could muster.
That was the decision that led to me breaking my wrist. I'm not angry at Aron. No I blame myself. I should have known how unsteady he was. Aron was like walking anxiety. The moment he had time to get lost in his own thoughts I should have known he would run.
They are my lifelines. I wanted more than anything to shield them from the harsh world. I wished more than anything that I had the power to make that decision for them.
Maybe I can be a bit controlling. I would lock them away if that wasn't actually horrible to do to someone. Aron is a really good guy. Not like me. I am weak and am just a shell with out them. Feeling needed is what keeps me going in life. I should have told him that. That I need him to keep needing me.
I really am starting to sound like I'm crazy. More so broken. I don't know how to keep them safe. There is no decision making when it comes to them. They always come first. But I am not sure how to do that. How am I supposed to get him to see? To get them all to see? That they will be safe if they rely on me. I'm willing to take on the whole world for them. I want to. Their lives are directly connected to mine. If Aron doesn't wake up I will lose a chunk. And I won't care to find it.
Some may say I'm collecting somewhat of a harem. I never expected any of them to walk into my life. Cedric was like a gift. Given to me at one of my lowest points. When I had just gotten out of anger management and was in the process of fighting for sole custody of Ginna. He had looked like a kicked puppy. His hair had been wild and knotted into a small Afro. His eyes seemed to pierce through my soul as he looked at me with admiration in his eyes.
I had felt two emotions the first time I got that look. Absolute dread and a sense of power I had never experienced before. I had been terrified because of the memories of Ginna looking at me with those same eyes. I hadn't been able to be her hero, to keep her sheltered. However it's that look that I'm addicted too.
That was why I had let him follow me home. Because I need that. I need self gratification and it's selfish. I am horrible at reading emotions. I hate thinking that I am not needed. It's one of the reasons why I am completely fine with Aron's condition. As sad as it is, his need empowers me. Makes me feel like I actually have a purpose for taking up space in this world.
Mattie had the same look the first time I met him. It was slightly different. With Cedric he looked at me with admiration and respect. With an intense gratefulness. Mattie looked at me like I was some sort of Holy being. Eyes wide and full of adoration. In an instant he had become attached to me and it was invigorating.
I really do love them all. I don't use them for the sole purpose of feeling needed or anything like that. Cedric and Mattie already know how I feel. And I'm going to tell Aron. When he wakes up I'm going to tell him just how much I need him. I wish I was better with words. That I could have made him stay. A failure at the one job I pride myself in. I am useless to them if I can't protect them.
The brick wall is warm from the sun that had been beating down on it as I lean back against it. He has to wake up so I can tell him all the things I was to stupid to say before. He has to wake up so I can stay whole. That I need him as much as he needs us.
That was our normal. I do love them but that isn't the word that ties us together. It's the pure need. We do not just want each other. It's just a simple need.
I just have to find the right words to explain that to him. To them all really. I'm a broken man and they are all the puzzle pieces that fit perfectly to fix me.
I groan as I run my good hand down my face and shake my head as I push off the wall where specks of my blood from my knuckles had transferred. I walk back into hospital preparing to get chewed out for hurting myself. A smile crosses my face before quickly disappearing. It's nice to feel cared about. Now I just have to make the others feel like that. I have to make them see how precious they are to me. Aron will never leave us again.
(A/n: this was the most difficult one by far. I couldn't figure out how to express Deans true feelings but also make his thoughts feel like they would come from a tall, dark, and handsome man who's all broody and has anger issues. You know considering I'm not that. Like at all. 😂😂 anyway let me know how I did!! I love you all💙💙💙 Thank you all for your support and understanding.
Ps. Hehe I've been thinking.... This book has to end eventually. I KNOW!! It's sad. Yes. It's very sad, but as much as I would love to just keeping adding fluff chapters for ever. I know that isn't exactly plausible. I'm thinking 60 chapter in total? Don't take that as my final word though because it just depends on how slowly I move the story along and we all know I'm slow as shit.😂 Anyway though I was thinking of a second book. I have three options.
Option 1: Completely new story. Maybe in the same universe. So maybe the new characters know the guys.
Option 2: Continue the guys story and add a new main character. So Aron would be 'one of the guys.'
Option 3: Continue in Aron's POV and just write kind of like a second chapter in his life.(Remember what kind of hell you'll be putting poor Aron through though if you pick this one. I'll have to dig out another shitty family member. Lol
Let me know what you think!!! And I want your true thoughts!! Not your kind sparkled words that you guys for whatever reason bestow upon me. You're all to sweet. I need the cold hard truth. If it's a horrible idea, I need to be told. Okay?☺️
Pss. Anyone who read that whole rant is a true goat lololol forget that, I'm in a sleepy mood💙💙💙
Psss. This is the last one I swear. If you have questions about my other two books let me know. I have plans on attempting a schedule. Something I'm horrible at making. So either message me directly or on this chapter. Thanksxx💙
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The Simplicity in a Need
العاطفية(Book 1 in the 'Need Series') Aron's past ruined him. Turned his anxiety into his worst night mare and kept his fear alive every day. People call him a sex addict. Others say he's obsessed. No one knows that's it's a physical need. If he doesn't gi...
