In Sign Language, I Hear You ( Transmigrated as Deaf and Muted )

Sign Forty One

" Yet... for the dragon, his treasure is all of his life- to the point that it hurts themselves if the treasure feels hurt."

" So what will you do after knowing all of this?"

She said that while the Empress's gaze deeply looked into Irisha's eyes. There was a hint of expectation that Irisha could not really understand. Even the whole history that the Empress had just said, could not make Irisha understand why and what the empress did expect from her. It felt too much for Irisha to process everything, even Irisha did not remember how could she come back home after that unexpected meeting. Her mind is so fuzzy and her heart feels heavy-  the world feels like it left her in that second when she learned about Castra's story. She sit at her bedside for quite a while in her darkroom and thinks about what the Empress had said to her for quite a long time.

... Then it starts to make sense.

Irisha starts to understand the reason behind Castra's actions and it is frustrated. Not just because she realizes that the whole wicked world becomes more wicked but, the fact that she could not do anything about that... makes her feel worn out with the thoughts that seems endless.

' What can I do in this situation?'

' I could not do anything.'

and those words ring loudly inside her brain repeatedly while slowly eroding her sanity.

She loves him and it is the fact.

Yet fate then also shows her that her love will never be enough. Yes, she falls in love with him. and yes, she somehow feels justification that he loves her too. But, the man she falls to, is the man who has a duty he has to achieve. The duty that fate itself gave to him, which the man who is known as wicked, could not even be able to turn his back on.

"... It has to be done, the firstborn should be born, so then the one with the soul will no longer suffer."

" Because the soul of the dragon has a bigger power than the usual blessing, it wicked human sanity- and no human desire that suffer."

and the empress smiles faintly, " Will you be able to go through that? To fight anything for your loving one- to exchange your life to help your love while life is not a cliché thing like a story inside a book."

and the empress is right, entirely.

Irisha does not even have the words to deny it. It will never be as simple as,

"... Even though it might kill me, I will let myself be with you."

as reality will never be as simple as living or dying and of course, it's funny for her to be the one to talk about that while her thought was once that narrow in her previous life. Yet, she regretted it badly as she starts to realize that there are so many things that follow life and death. There will be many people struggling because of someone's short thought.... and seems the crown prince is already aware of that thing. So when she asked him whether will he marry her, he could not answer that. Or... the fact that he lets the fifth princess of Varaz around him- while Irisha somehow gets the hint of his displeasing- it is because he just does not have any other choice.

Now... Irisha starts to understand why the Emperor who never once bother the crown prince- yet, suddenly takes control all of his life.

'... because the emperor knows that his son will not be able to let me be the mother of his children' and it is simply because of Castra's trauma and his terrible experience who witnessing his mother dying after his birth.

Whenever Irisha imagines the child Castra had to experiencing that tragedy, her heart aches  painfully. Even the adult her who once experienced the similar one had to go through painful long trauma that she has no desire to drown in again.