In Sign Language, I Hear You ( Transmigrated as Deaf and Muted )

Sign Fifty-Three

Back when she was living as Lara Dena, she gained one ability she never thought she would have. The kind of ability she thought- it would be better if she never had it, which she ended up having without even wanting to.

Despite how people who came to her will smile with their elegant suits and greeted her in a perfect manner, and showed their best performance to gain her favor- it was easy for her to know their real intention. The place she once stood was too high and too powerful. The one kind of place that made people mad in envy and desire.

They held knives behind their back despite the flattering words they said in front of her. The desire they had to be in her position was too big to then made all of them become great actors. Sugar-coated every moves they did to her, while on her back, they did anything they could do to bring her down to the rock bottom.

It was to the point that she ended up questioning, were 'humanity', 'emphatic' or whatever words represented humane traits- really exist? or it was just utopia to cover the ugliest truth of human cunning side.

She was questioned.

Ah, no.... she mocked all those words. 

Laughed at each of them, as it was so funny that people actually did all of the opposites surrounding her. 

She had already done it at the very beginning of her life, so she did not believe any of it from the start. Back when she was still Lara Dena who barricade all of the things that could make her feel any pain. Yet, again- regardless of how the ugliest truth of human's cunning side was a mirrored of she, herself- she still found it as her entertainment when people surrounded her, did so.

Yes, it was her entertainment to laugh over people's sides that she could easily find.

and yes, she was able to find it quite easily.

Maybe, It was her self-defense mechanism that she unintentionally built in her body. She never trusted people from the start due to her trust issue. In the end, even at the first glance, she could instinctively understand how the person she was talking with will represent themselves to her, and how actually they were in reality.

Funnily- she always guessed it right.

Their cunning side, and then their real's side... was so much opposite for her to then chocked in laughter.

'... it felt strange when now, I talked about it.' there is a mixed feeling whenever the memories replayed in her mind. There is a pang of guilt, but also sadness which mixes in anger toward herself but also to those people- that the feelings dominate each other. For her, now- as Irisha, they could not really describe what should she feel. '... I was so young when I first encountered those situations.' and she widen her eyes, before then smiles bitterly.

There is a sweet pain she feels when she realized that she is now sympathizing with her past self.

" ... Ms. Irisha, are you there?"

but she was startled when she looked at Tara who is confused.

[ Pardon?]

and she frowned in worry, " Are you okay?"

[... ah yes, I am just thinking.] then she smiles gently as she then looked at her own note. Trying to somehow get a grip of herself who is losing focus in the middle of her work.

'... but, well- it is so fucked up.' and she just somehow fed up with all of the things that happen and smiles with resignation as she writes things in her notes fast before looking at the man who sits far from her own who is now also looking at her without trying to hide his detest. ' ... I don't know what this man thinks of me.' and even Sir Rupert, already showed many aggressive attitudes that made her could not even control her emotion- strangely enough, she still denied to validate his action to merely detestation.