The Starting Line

Chapter 28

"Are you cheating on me with Izzie Stevens?"

The question hung in the air for a few minutes. Alex sat up slowly, but the couple remained silent, neither wanting to speak first.

Finally, Alex cleared his throat and looked down at his hands, clenching his jaw.

"We never-" he started, but quickly stopped. He closed his eyes and groaned, angry at himself for not knowing how to talk about it.

He knew this would happen, but he thought it would take a little longer until it happened. Or maybe she thought he would be the one to bring it up, the guilt was too much for him and he had to tell her. But that didn't happen.

Of course, Alex felt guilty. He felt horrible, hating the idea of ​​hurting Eleanora. But he didn't feel guilty about his feelings, about how he knew they were wrong. And that was the problem.

He loved Eleanora Amedeo, but he didn't love her enough to feel guilty for what he did. Just to feel guilty he would hurt her.

"We never slept together." He finally continued, without looking at her. "We never slept together, we never kissed, I don't..."

Eleanora looked at him, walking over to the bed to sit next to him slowly. "You didn't cheat om me?" Her voice was shaky and Alex nodded. He looked at her and saw the hope in her eyes, the hope that they could make it work, and still be happy like they used to be. His voice was harsh but not cruel, knowing that he had to make her understand.

"But I wanted to."

"I'm Alex. I'm with Jeremy. You're with the Nazi, right?"

"Y-yes, I'm with Dr. Bailey."

Eleanora sat on the edge of the bed, trying to keep as much space between her and Alex as possible. She was trembling and she could feel the anguish fill her veins.

"So, is it something I did?" She asked finally, her voice breaking. "Was I not good enough?"

Alex shook his head and turned to her; his voice confident. "No, no. Eleanora, you're perfect, okay? You're the perfect girlfriend. You didn't do anything wrong; it was all me."

"Then why!" She screamed, finally looking at him. Her eyes were filled with tears, and she grabbed the fabric of his scrub top to where her knuckles were white. "Why did you want to?"

Alex was silent again, letting his eyes dance across her face. "I don't..." he sighed, concentrating on his hands as he turned forward. "I really do not know."

"You can let me down now, you know?"

"What, and let you crash into a brick wall half asleep? No thanks, I don't need that on my conscience. What's so funny?"

"Nothing. You're just trying to act bad, but at least you seem to care if I break my nose running into a wall."

"It's a pretty face, darling, and I don't want to be blamed for ruining it."

"Do you love? Izzie, I mean."

Alex shrugged, not looking at her. "I don't know."

Eleanora stirred and looked at him with bewildered eyes. "Then why Izzie?"

"I don't think it had to be Izzie. I just think... I think I felt trapped, like I couldn't go anywhere in the relationship. I mean, I'm happy with you, but we're getting serious. I don't think I'm ready." for 'serious'."

Eleanora felt some of the anger fade, being replaced by slight understanding. "It comes back to you not wanting to be a boyfriend, right?"

Alex remained silent, but Eleanora didn't need him to speak to confirm her thoughts.

"We're not exclusive, you know? Technically, I can sleep with whoever I want. You can't be mad at me for that."

"Technically? You... are you going to call this a technical error? Technically, you should have known that I don't sleep with guys if I don't want to be in a relationship with them. Technically, you should have realized that I wanted to be more than an emergency call when you want to get giggly during the day! Technically, Alex Karev, I have feelings for you, and it seemed like you had them for me too. Was I wrong?"

"Yes, you were! I don't do relationships, Eleanora!"

They had been sitting in another stretch of silence for five minutes, sneaking glances at each other to try to figure out what the other was thinking.

Alex cleared his throat, drawing Eleanora's attention. She looked at him and nodded when she noticed that he was waiting to see if she wanted him to talk.

"We're done, aren't we?" Despite everything they had discussed tonight, despite everything he had admitted, his voice cracked at the thought.

Eleanora gave him a sad look, a few tears sliding down her cheeks at the thought. "Yes," she whispered, nodding quickly. "Yes, Alex, we're done."

Alex closed his eyes tightly and grabbed his head in hands.

"Shit."

"I love you. I love you, Alex Karev. With all my heart."

"Love you too honey."

"I don't hate you." Eleanora spoke, her hand hovering over the doorknob. She didn't look back, knowing her heart would break even more if she did.

"What?" Alex asked, taken aback by the statement.

"I don't hate you, Alex." She continued. "I may not like you right now, and looking at you may break my heart piece by piece, but I don't hate you. Maybe I should, you know? But I don't think I can."

Alex looked at her with confused eyes. "You should." he said softly. "You should hate me, Eleanora."

"But I don't." She laughed, resting her forehead on the cold wood of the door. "Maybe that makes me weak, I don't know. All I know is that I love you, Alexander Michael Karev. Even if you hurt me beyond repair, I love you. And I always will, even when we both move on and find the love of our lives "

"You're my person, Alex. So no, I don't hate you. But I still don't want to look at you because you broke me in two, and I don't know when that will change."

She opened the door, the strong light from the hallway coming in. She passed the door, pausing to throw one last comment over her shoulder.

"Goodbye, Alex."

With that, Eleanora closed the door behind her and started down the hall, fighting to keep her tears under control.

It seemed that with the end of her intern year sneaking up on her, the impending doom that marked the end of their relationship slipped through the cracks and was hidden from her until the last second.

Eleanora Amedeo and Alex Karev may be each other's 'person', but they weren't soulmates.

But at that same moment, the voices and warnings of his friends disappeared from his mind. Alex looked at her, letting her hand cup his cheek. "Eleanora..."

Before he could finish, Eleanora stood on tiptoe and pressed her lips against his. She moved her hands to rest on his shoulders, standing up and approaching him.

Alex stayed still for a moment, but soon his brain realized what was happening and he started to kiss her back. It was slow at first, sweet and soft. But as time passed, sparks filled their veins and their hearts began to beat faster and faster.

They were breathing heavily, both chests rising and falling rapidly with each breath. They looked into each other's eyes and Eleanora moved her thumb to trace his lips. Alex watched her focus on him, her own eyebrows furrowing slightly.

She laughed again, and a little laugh came from her own chest. They looked at each other with big goofy smiles and reddened faces.

And then Alex leaned in to kiss her again and begin the cycle again.