Ex-Heroes

Over thinker

(Hopes POV)

I stare up at the ceiling, trying to concentrate on the sound of rain hitting the roof. I take a deep breath and close my eyes. I open my eyes again and was greeted by the dark room again. I sigh and turn over on my side so I'm facing Craig. Even in the dark I can see Craig fast asleep, his mouth barely open. Each time he inhales he snores a little, each time making me smile for a second or two.

     I'm glad he's back. I missed him so goddamn much. I honestly thought that he was dead, not being able to connect with him and not knowing if he's dead, alive, or if he even traveled to another state. He's here, he's safe, and I'm back in his arms. I smile at him and turn on my other side.

     What about Brian? Yeah..... I mean we DID kinda hook up, but at the same time we didn't. Neither one of us even knew if Craig was even still alive. It just kinda happened. I mean I wanted to be with Brian, but at the same time..... I didn't. I had that feeling in my gut that I had to be with Craig, even if he was dead. I feel like Craig might not...... love me as much now because of what happened. He's basically not wanting to speak, let alone look at one of his best friends because of ME.

     Everything that has happened so far is because of me, the reason everyone split up, why Craig and Brian are fighting, it seems like everything that I do is my fucking fault. Maybe my parents were right, everything that goes wrong in their life was my fault. Everything bad that happens to the group is my fault.

I feel Craig's arms wrap around me and pull me closer to him. I turn my head and look over at him and see him still asleep. I smile a little, it's cute when he does that in his sleep. I turn my head back over and go back to thinking.

Maybe.... I should wake him up. I mean, when we first started dating he said to call or text him whenever I need him and he'll be right over. Then again, I feel like if I wake him he'll get mad at me FOR waking him. Come on Hope, man up. He's your boyfriend, he won't get mad, he loves you. Okay..... and now!

     I wait for something to escape my mouth, a sentence, a sound, something, but nothing comes out. Come on Hope, what Craig always said, don't bitch out now. I'd always slap him for saying that to me. I smile as I remember how things were back then, when there wasn't zombies freely roaming the streets. I shake the thought from my head. Just tap on him, he's a light sleeper so of course he'll quickly wake up to that.

     I turn on my other side so I'm facing him again. He looks peaceful for once, I honestly don't know if I CAN wake him. Maybe this can wait till morning, no cause then we'll be interrupted and the cycle will just keep on repeating itself.

     "Craig?" I barely whisper. He doesn't budge and continues to sleep. If I want to wake him up I gonna have to speak up.

     "Craig?" I say to him, louder this time. He quickly sits up and looks around the dark room. He sighs and turns his gaze at me now.

     "You okay? You're never up at this hour. Did you have a nightmare?" He asks his voice sounding like he's still half asleep.

     "No.... I didn't have a nightmare, I've just been up.... thinking. Craig, do you hate me now?" I ask him. He puts an arm around me and pulls me close to him. I lay my head on his shoulder and wait for his response.

     "What would've made you think that I, your boyfriend, hate you?" He asks. I shrug my shoulders and look down at the covers.

     "The whole.... Brian situation." I say, still looking down. He lets out a deep sigh.

"I don't hate you Hope. I just..... it's the whole situation, that has me all..... upset to say the least." He says. He's mad, he's just hiding it.

"Craig.... I know you're lying. Just say the truth." I say. He takes his arm off of me and now turns to me.

"Hope.... I'm not lying." He says. His voice getting a little bit higher as he said that.

"CRAIG! Your voice gets high when you lie!" I exclaim.

"OKAY YES, I LIED YES! I DON'T HATE YOU BUT IM DEFINITELY PISSED ABOUT THE WHOLE SITUATION! LOOK, THIS CAN FUCKING WAIT TILL TOMORROW!" He yells. And he probably just woke the whole house up. He slaps his forehead and shakes his head.

"Shit Hope, look I didn't mean that. I'm tired and-" I start to shake my head.

"No, you always tell the truth when your tired. I understand everything Craig." I say. I can feel my throat getting dryer along with my eyes starting to get heavy as tears start to come to me.

"If you're not happy about us together..... why don't you just leave then?" I ask. That.... that actually came out of my mouth. I actually said that to him. I feel him take the blanket off of him as well and get up out of the bed.

"If that's what you want. Whatever will make you happy Hope. I just want you to be happy cause that's what makes me happy." He says as he puts on his hoodie on the ground and starts to walk out the door. It didn't take long before I heard the front door to open and close shut.

I felt my chest start to get heavy, like someone bigger then me was sitting on it, making it hard for me to breath. Tears start to roll down my face and it wasn't a second later to where I was full on bawling. I hear feet hit the floor then was followed by running. The bedroom door opens up again and the footsteps run into the room and run over to my side of the bed. I already knew it was Brian. I wrap my arms around him and start crying onto him now.

"HE JUST LEFT!" I say. I hear more footsteps coming from the hall and towards the room. It's my fault, just like everything else is.