Don't Fear the Reaper

Topside

After your declaration that you didn't want to feel again, Crowley was silent. Sipping his whiskey, he cocked his head as he looked at you. Sitting in his chair, feeling like you were being judged, you waited for his answer. 

"Y/N,  I don't know what you went through in Purgatory. I've never been fond of the place myself, and I stay away from it. But I do know what happened topside, and I know that Sam has torn the place apart trying to get you back." 

"But what if I don't want to get back to him? Don't I have a choice?" You asked angrily, hating how everything was always taken away from you. First, as a Reaper Death had always been your first thought. Never really given a choice to be your own person. Then, when you had found out about Sam and Dean, you immediately fell for Sam. And now, here you were, being pushed back towards a man that you used to love. But that had been a long time ago, and you weren't sure after your time in Purgatory that you even had feelings anymore. "Maybe I should go back to being a Reaper. There's no feeling, no emotions involved in that."

"If you like that sort of thing." He answered before standing up. "Now, it's time to get you out of Hell. It certainly is no place for a Reaper." 

"You aren't going to hand me over to Sam and Dean are you? I want time, to figure things out on my own." You told him, but he just shrugged, before opening the door. With no choice but to follow him, you walked up the stone stairs, following him as Demon's gave you a wide berth. Finally he came to an old, weathered door. "This is the door to the outside. You are free to go wherever you want, but I do encourage you to make your way back to Sam and Dean. Sam's been rather annoying with you gone, and I can't have him harassing  my demons anymore."

Opening the door, you stepped out into the blaring sunshine. Guarding your eyes against it, you took a deep breath of the air that was so real, unlike the heavy, putrid air in Purgatory. The door had opened up next to a cemetery, with nothing but a beautiful field and trees across from it. The sun hurting your eyes after being in the twilight of Purgatory for so long, you kept your hand shading them as you began to walk down the long, empty road. Glancing behind you, you saw nothing but the cemetery and a small stone cottage. 

With nothing left to do, you walked. Sure, you could have called on your powers, seeing if they worked, or if dying had zapped them permanently. But walking is what you needed at that moment. There was something about being by yourself, surrounded by nature that cleared your mind. You were still jumpy, used to the ever present danger that had been lurking behind trees in Purgatory. Trying to tell yourself that you were no longer there didn't work.

You weren't sure how long you walked. Through trees and valleys, past empty broken down houses and barns, you kept your legs moving. After being in Purgatory for so long, always on the move, your body didn't mind the long walk. Soon, you came to a small town, big enough to house a gas station, small diner and a motel. Reaching into your pockets, you found that you still somehow had cash left in them. Maybe Crowley slipped it to you, maybe it was from before you died. But you didn't really care, because at least it meant you would have a place to spend the night.

Ignoring the diner, you went to the motel first. An older lady was running the front desk, and her eyes widened when she looked at you. You hadn't seen your appearance since that fateful day the dragon killed you, but you knew you must look a fright. There had been no brushes in Purgatory, no mirrors to make sure all the blood and grime was off of your face. "Oh sweetie." She exclaimed. "What happened to you?"

Thinking fast, you came up with a story, knowing the truth would make you look crazy. "It's my boyfriend. He...uh...he hit me...and I ran, through the forest, trying to get away from him." You sobbed, watching as she bought it easily. 

"You poor girl. We'll get you fixed up. Room 10 is yours, free of charge. You go clean up, and I'll try to find you some clean clothes and some food." She ordered you, handing you a key. Thanking her, you went straight into the room. It wasn't anything fancy, with one double bed in the middle of the room, covered in a colorful quilt, but it was much better than some you had stayed in with Sam and Dean.

Heading straight for the bathroom, you looked at yourself in the mirror, wincing when you finally saw yourself for the first time in months. No wonder that old woman seemed startled. Your hair was nothing but a birds nest atop your hair, with twigs and dried blood. Your face was scratched, covered in blood and so much grime you couldn't even tell what your skin color was. Your clothes were torn and disgustingly filthy. Tossing them into the trash can, you noticed all the bruises covering your chest and stomach area. Purgatory had not been kind to you, but at least it had seemed true. No lies, no emotions. Just killing to live. 

Just as you went to turn the shower on, to scrub the grime and blood from your skin, there was a knock at the door. Grabbing one of the large fluffy towels, you wrapped it around yourself, thinking it was the motel lady with a change of clothes for you. "I'm coming!" You exclaimed, hurrying through the room. Throwing open the door, you stepped back, ready to let the woman in so she could be gone and you could get back to your shower.

"Y/N?" Came a smooth, familiar voice, your breath catching as you looked up into a pair of familiar hazel eyes.