Don't Fear the Reaper

Decisions

"You know, I think I'm, uh...Sam, can you give Y/N and I a minute?" Dean asked, surprising you. Sam glanced between you and Dean, before sighing and heading outside. As soon as he was gone, Dean moved, sitting down next to you at the table.

"Y/N, are you sure this is the right thing to do?" Dean asked you, and you nodded.

"I know it will be hard for him, but I think it's in my best interest." You explained, even though you still felt a pang in your heart at the thought of it. "I'm not meant to feel love, or any of the other emotions, and I think I need to head back to my roots."

You could see the wheels turning in Dean's head as he tried to figure out his next words. "Y/N, I just don't think it's a good time for this. Hearing that you were back, well that's the most coherent he's been. Sam hasn't been the same since you were gone, especially since..."

It wasn't surprising that Dean was trying to talk you into staying. He would always be there for his brother, no matter what. But what he was saying had you wondering if he was making things sound worse, just so his brother wouldn't be heart broken.

"Dean, he's tough. It's not like I've been back that long. Let me go, and pretend you never saw me." You tried, but he wasn't having any of it.

Standing up, he walked over, pulling a beer from the bag he had brought in. Offering it to you, you declined, watching as he downed a large drink in one shot. "While you were gone, a lot of stuff happened." He started. "We had our hands full, trying to keep Crowley from opening the portal to Purgatory. Which was so hard, because Sam wanted nothing more, hoping that you would be able to make it through."

"Well, I take it you succeeded." You told him. "There was never any talk of something that big opening."

"We succeeded. But during that time, the wall in Sam's brain crumbled to dust, and now he remembers everything." Dean continued on. "At first, it was bad, but then he seemed to come out of it. Little did Bobby and I know, but he started seeing things, and it's gotten worse."

"How worse?" You asked quietly, not sure you wanted to know. Because if you knew, then it would mean you would probably stick with them, forfeiting what you wanted. 

"He keeps seeing Lucifer, everywhere. He won't sleep, he'll barely eat. He's been in a stupor, until he heard you were out. That was the first time I've seen him perk up for anything. So, I know you said you wanted to get away from emotions. But can't you stay with us until I can get him some help?"

"Dean..." You pleaded, but both of you knew he had won. There was no way you would leave them to cope with this on their own. Even if you wanted to shut off all your emotions, you couldn't leave them alone now. 

"Once we figure out a cure, then you can be on your way if you still want to." He insisted, peeling the label off of the empty bottle.

"Fine." You answered. "But I get my own motel room. And it's just business. I'm not going to get back in a relationship with him just to make him feel better."

Dean nodded enthusiastically. "Thank you so much!" Dean went and pulled open the door, whistling to Sam. When he came back in, you took the time to finally look him over, and what you saw had you frowning. His hair was dull, the healthy gleam long gone. Dark circles were under his eyes, the sparkle gone from within. His skin had a yellow tinge to it, and he looked exhausted and about ready to give up.

Watching him, you saw him glance at Dean hopefully, who nodded slightly. "I'm going to go get Sam and I a room." He explained, leaving you alone with Sam. As soon as he was gone, you felt awkward, unsure what to do, and you didn't like it. During your last months in Purgatory, you had been confident, and unafraid, ready to kill at a moment's notice. But now, here with Sam, you weren't sure what to say, or do.

"Dean must have told you." He said softly, plopping down on one of the chairs as if his legs weren't strong enough to hold him up. 

"He explained most of it." You answered, grabbing one of the beers that Dean had offered early. Taking a sip, you almost spat it out, forgetting what the bitter liquid tasted like after not drinking anything for so long. "So, are you seeing Lucifer right now?"

He nodded, looking towards the bathroom, and your heart broke for the gentle giant. He had already endured so much, and yet there was always something else for him to live through. It didn't seem fair. "He's standing there, talking about how hot you are. How bad ass you seem even in the simple clothes. I won't say the rest."

Frowning, you wished there was some way you could help him. Walking over, you pressed your hands to his chest, ignoring the current that ran between the two of you. Concentrating hard, you were surprised when you felt your powers igniting deep from within. Transferring some of your spark into him, you gave him more than you should have. Wobbling on your feet, you weren't surprised when he grasped you by your arms, guiding you back to the bed.

"What did you do?" He asked you, looking no different while you felt peaked and exhausted. 

"I tried to heal you." You stated simply. "But I don't think it worked."

He shook his head. "So, what are your plans? I know what you said, and even though I don't want you to go, I want you to do what's best for you."

Even when he was hurting and in need, Sam was always kind in heart, thinking of others first. "Sam, I'm going to stay. But there has to be some ground rules."

You didn't miss the flash of hope in his eyes, the way he sucked in a breath, or the way his bandaged hand trembled, like he wanted to reach for you but he stopped himself. "I'm listening."

"I can't do a relationship again. At least not yet. This has to be strictly as friends, or even colleagues. You and Dean share a room, I get one of my own. And then, when we find a cure for you, I can walk away if I still want." 

"I agree." He answered simply, surprising you. "I wont' pressure you, I promise. But it will be nice to have you with us again. I missed you more than you could imagine." 

"There, that's settled." You announced, just as Dean came walking into the room, a new key card in his hands. "But have you tried Cas? Maybe he could fix this?" 

"About Cas." Dean hedged. "Cas is gone."

"What?" You asked, shocked. You had come to care for the Angel, who had helped you when he didn't even know you. 

"But at least the three of us are back together." Dean exclaimed, and you wondered if you had made the right choice. If you would be able to keep your emotions at bay.