The Perfect Storm 3

Chapter 202

My life has spiraled out of control. I don't have the perfect life I did before. Jace is long gone out of my life and now, I know that I don't know him, he's with Rosie; a girl who I don't know anything about. 

Not too long ago, he was so stuck on me, so hung up on us being together and now, he doesn't care. 

He was willing to let both of us go, our friendship only because I wouldn't give myself to him, I wouldn't be with him, I wanted to be happy, and happiness means Miles to me even though that isn't my choice. But Jace didn't want me to be happy and now, he doesn't even want me to be his friend. My mother that was always there is gone, she's more than gone, she doesn't exist and I start to question myself if she ever did. 

She was always there when I came to Ohio, when I needed comfort, throughout everything she was there, she loved me, she was the first person to love me. My father didn't even love me as much as she did and not enough to stay; to keep in touch. And now Miles; the person I went with even after everyone's opinions only to realize that maybe, after all, there is no future for us. 

I feel as though I'm with someone who will never stop lying, who will never stop hiding everything from me and I don't know if I can do that, I don't know if there's a future for us and all of the lies he keeps from me.

"How are you feeling?" Cody asks me and I realize that I've been lost in my thoughts and staring at the wall in front of me for at least an hour. "I'm fine." Are the words I've been saying to him for the past few hours, it's all I can think of to say."I'm going to be okay," I whisper to myself and realize that those are my mother's words and they didn't help her. My fingers move away from the delicate white curtains in front of the kitchen window and I don't spot Miles's car or him. 

He's gone. He left. I can't lie, it did surprise me. I thought he would somehow stay there until I'd talk to him again or something but he didn't, he doesn't care and all of that is confirmed. My stomach starts to cramp and I qucikly wrap both of my arms around my stomach. I slowly walk into the bathroom only to realize that the cramps aren't for nothing. 

I take a deep breath and try to look for something; anything that I could use, but I can't find anything. My mother must have not have had the energy to go to the store when she didn't have to and since Jace moved away, she probably had to count on neighbors like Betty who would never do anything for anyone but themselves.

"I'm going to take a shower," I tell Cody who I can feel nodding."Sure." He replies after a few seconds of silence. I don't know what he's doing in the kitchen, but I'm thankful to have him here with me.

I take a deep breath, it's not as shaky as yesterday or the day before when everything happened, but it's still uncomfortable and filled with pain. I hear someone knock on the door and my heart quickly starts to pick up speed and sound in my chest. I manage to let my feet take me outside of the bathroom where Cody's eyes instantly stare at me.

"I'll get it." He says but I shake my head."It's okay," I tell him. I don't want to be in this situation forever. I want to grief my mother but I don't want to be stuck in an endless cycle of being afraid of everything around me and needing everyone else to do things for me. 

That's not how my mother was and it's not how I want to be. Everything is going to be okay and if not now, then next time I'll need to say those words to myself. My mother will always be with me no matter who doesn't see it, I know she is. I'm a part of her. 

I'm half of her. I manage a very deep breath, deeper than I've been able to take in a very long time and when I get to the door, my heart calms down, almost as if it knows who's on the other side. My fingers pull the door handle toward me and I spot the dark hazel eyes that have both made and ruined my life. My eyes instantly dart to his hands the ones that are holding two white plastic bags full of something I can't see.

"I thought you might need this." He says and my heart flutters. I haven't lost all feelings for him only because we're not going to be together. 

I can't turn it on and off and I expect myself to want him back and fall for him but knowing that that's all it is, I'll deal much better with the end of us.

"Oh, and uh, these." He says and when Cody isn't looking, he slowly pulls out something colorful. It's pink with white flowers on it."How did you—" My wondering eyes stare up at him, knowing that this is what I needed most in the moments before he came in through the door."I know you." He tells me softly and hands me the big pink packet. I give him a small smile and surprisingly it's a smile I didn't have to think about. And then I manage a small chuckle,"These are the biggest pads I've ever seen."