The Perfect Storm 3

Chapter 273

(The theme for this chapter is the song: Devil I know by Allie X and it will be a theme in the next chapter as well :))

The familiar red leather feels good on my skin as I sit down in the seat beside Miles and rest my arm on the armrest on the red leather of the door.

This car feels better and much more 'us' than the last one Miles owned did, but I'm not sure how much longer that will last after Miles knows everything.

The silence fills the air and I'm yet again greeted with the butterflies that have now started to haunt me, Miles tugs at his hair while running his fingers through it, his eyes on the front windshield the whole time, as if we're now more aware than ever that we need to talk although we don't know what the other one has to say, we just know that we desperately need it.

"I, um, I saw Jacob," I clear my throat and somehow manage the words, but I don't look at him, I stare at the window beside me, facing away from him even though I feel the way he shifts his eyes onto me and then when he sees I'm not greeting them by mixing our hazel colors together, he shifts his eyes back to the windshield and the white icy sky surrounding our car.

light snow and wind start to swirl together in the sky but the mixture hasn't yet flowed down and I'm thankful that I get a few more minutes without the coldness settling down on the car and later, on us.

"He woke up from his coma," I manage again, my words dry as I watch the even drier icy sky.

"Yeah, I know," Miles says, running another hand through his hair as if he doesn't care that much about what I just said. I turn to him in surprise, my eyes eyeing his features for anything more I can know without his words spelling it out for me.

"Chrissy texted me a few days ago," he lets me know as he feels my eyes on him even though neither of us are actually really willing to meet with our eyes.

"You talked to Chrissy," my voice comes out hollow and hurt and it's all too obvious for him not to notice, but somehow I don't care, I know that I need all my feelings to be let out with him.

"It's not a big deal," he says flatly and I'm surprised he doesn't seem to care at all.

"Do you talk to Lacey too? and Rebecca?" I ask, annoyance and frustration clear in my tone.

"It's not like that." He says harshly and I'm forced to hold back tears as I watch the window beside me again, I can't take being so close to him with my emotions, I can't take him seeing me cry over something so stupid because to me this isn't stupid.

"Then what is it like?" I almost yell, "You talking to Chrissy and keeping it from me? as if you'd ever be okay with me texting Jacob, don't make me feel stupid, Miles," I cry out.

"I wouldn't be okay with it," his voice is calm and collected.

"I blocked her number straight after, I had no idea she had gotten a new number because I already blocked her last one, okay? I don't know why the hell she texted me and I honestly, Madison, I just couldn't care less--"

"That's the thing, Miles, you don't care about anything, you don't even care enough to tell me anything," I say, trying not to yell and instead of keeping my calm, I hadn't even noticed how MMiels parked the car and how we're back home now, but somehow through all of this, we managed to do just that.

"I've been a horrible person to you, don't you think I'm trying fucking everything I can to be better?! why the hell would I keep something so stupid away from you? who the fuck cares about Jacob?" Miles yells, and I know I won't be able to stop myself from doing it too.

"Yes you have, you've been horrible, and yet you remain to not care about anything!" I say and his face suddenly turns soft and sad as if I've said the words that hurt the most.

"This is exactly the reason I left! because I know that no matter what the fuck I do, deep down you'll always feel this way, you'll always fucking hate me for what I did to you!" He yells.

"Fuck!" Miles throws something off our coffee table and I'm not sure I care enough to try and see what the broken pieces would end up puzzling together.

"Jacob told me . . . a long time ago that when we were together, he was thinking of marrying me, and you know . . . I was happy to hear that but then I realized that that doesn't apply to you, Miles, none of the things I've ever wanted have applied to you because you don't change, you stay the same and you hurt people, even if you think you're doing it for me; watching me in the window and driving away--it's never for me--" tears stream down my face.

"What happened to never needing any of that huh?!" He yells, his voice thick and in a roar, the veins in his arms and neck thick intimidating. 

"What the fuck happened to that Madison?!" he asks again, this time louder and in an almost growl. The veins in his neck are apparent when he yells and his black shirt hides the tattoos that would only be more intimidating to see right now even though his dead eyes are all the intimidation I need.

"I have to want it now . . . I have to care." I say, my voice hollow but loud enough.

"No you don't, you never fucking needed it!  I can't do something I'll never want with you, why the fuck can't anyone get that?! You know what's really fucked up? is that you won't fucking accept that, will you? Madison when are you going to fucking understand this?! I don't fucking want to marry you! I don't want any of that with you!" he yells and finally my throat is dry, my heart is empty but yet the words escape my lips,

"then you probably won't care if I'm pregnant," I feel tears running down my cheeks as soon as I see the shock on his face, his eyes wide and as sharp as lightning. 

Before I know it, I'm escaping everything, running out of the house and into a shortcut where Miles won't ever find me, where the main road doesn't lie, if he'll even bother to look.