The Perfect Storm 3

Chapter 206

I hold the first letter in between my fingers and take a deep breath. 

I find myself wondering why my mother didn't tell me about this room but then I wonder why she should have. Parents keep things from their children all the time, no matter how special the relationship is. 

I thought it was my mother and me against everything else but it was her against everything while protecting me and making sure I was as safe and well-fed and happy while I thought in my small child mind that it was much more. 

I thought we were in it all together but she was alone in this. After Miles went downstairs to give me space, I haven't been able to open the letter. 

I've been contemplating whether or not I should. This feels wrong, something I shouldn't be doing, and yet I want it more than anything. 

I take a deep breath and loudly exhale the air heavily onto the letter and my fingers. I turn the back of the letter and read 'Peter.' On the back. I don't remember my father's voice and I've never seen anything written by him. 

I don't know what mess I'm diving into but I know that without it, I'm going to be that little clueless girl forever. I want to grow up and stop being in the dark, I want to know everything my mother was hiding I deserve to know. 

I slowly draw out the paper from the already open letter, it was teared through and I can only imagine the excitement my mother felt, reading something from the guy she loved.

"I'd love to see you again. You looked just perfect tonight at the farmhouse and I realize what you must think, that I'm just one of those players, and I am, but I do like you and I've got to admit that I haven't liked anyone for a very long time. I hope you give me a chance, Angela."

-Peter

Tears swell up in my eyes and I grab the second letter which surprisingly has my mother's name on it, I can only guess that she took all of her stuff back from him after the divorce.

"You know what my parents think, Peter. And you won't marry me, boys like you would never marry me. I talked to my mother last night, and she told me that boys like you are nothing but trouble, my father agreed and you know how much his words mean to me. We have no future, Peter."

-Angela

I grab the third letter which is a postcard,

"I do admit my ways were wrong, but we're young, does marriage have everything to do with us? I'm on a bus ride back to the farmhouse writing to you, come on, that's commitment Angela, and you know why? Do you know why I'm writing to you right now? Because you're the girl on my mind. Don't tell me that kiss meant nothing, we both felt something . . . maybe even something that could last us a lifetime. You know that denying it would be naive, Angela."

-Peter.

My eyes are tearing up and I can feel the wetness on my cheeks, seeing my dad write to my mother is something I never thought I'd see. 

The last I saw of him was the last I thought I'd ever see of him, it was a love story that ended up in tragedy and I thought that was it, but there was more, so much more to uncover and now, weirdly, even in the mess, I feel connected, not just to my dead mother, but to the father I haven't seen for a very long time. 

In my own weird way, reading these letters makes me feel more at home than anything else. 

I shut the door to the room, look at the window with the sunset shining in a golden honey color and stare at the letters in front of me. I grab the fourth letter and continue reading the story that my parents never told me and that is now buried underneath everything.

"I walked home yesterday and I saw you, I saw you talking to Betty the same way you talk to me, your words don't mean anything, Peter, clearly your just an imbecile, was our first time really nothing to you?"

My mother's words stick in my mind as if they were sewn there. Betty? I can't imagine the hurt my mother felt and I can't imagine the father I have. But my mother could, and in her mind it was Miles. 

All of this time my mother tried to keep her first time away from me, telling me she was a saint, but instead, she wasn't too far from me.

"I brought shame over my parents, all because of you, it was all worth it for you, but I guess you didn't see it that way, you never have seen my way. I'm ending this here, Peter."

-Angela.