The Perfect Storm 3

Chapter 217

My eyes have been closed for longer than I can count and Jace's tongue has started to slowly make its way into my mouth so effortlessly so snake-like as if it's trying to absorb me. 

I feel so caught up in the feeling of his comfort and I don't want to open my eyes. But as I let my head drift to the way he's kissing me, I suddenly drift to Starbuck's caramel frappuccino drinks, Lamborghini's black clothes, darkness, hurt, pain, anger, and then love, so much love.

"No!" I practically scream my hands at his chest, pushing him away. His eyes and lips staring at me, puffy and wanting more.

"What about Mil—Rosie?" I ask, trying to cover up my first thought.

"She doesn't deserve this," I tell him, and neither does Miles, not because we're going to get back together but because I don't know what I want if I even want a life without him; If I even can do life without him.

"I know." He says, but his eyes don't seem sorry, and then all of a sudden they do.

"Darn it, Madison." He says and I can't help but let shock disguise itself in my features.

"I'm sorry." He says, his breath breathing out the words flatly but sincerely.

"It's not fair to Rosie . . . but she doesn't deserve this if, in the end, I do love you as much as I hope I don't. She's the first girl I've looked twice after the way we . . . and I can't put her through something that I'm not sure of. 

I thought you and I wouldn't see each other again and dating Rosie didn't seem like something I'd reflect back on." Jace breathes, trying to get everything into one beath.

"But after . . . seeing you, I just . . . I lost it, every darn time you're near me, I lose it, Madison and I did now . . . but so did you." He says slowly, watching my features.

"But I shouldn't have," I admit, however much it will hurt Jace.

"Right . . . just like you shouldn't have slept with Miles, but you can never see that, no matter what I do or say." Jace fires and the anger and fury mix up inside of me. 

Maybe it's because I lost such a big part of my life or maybe because Mils taught me that defending yourself isn't the worst thing you could do, but I see everything differently now; so clearly.

"And you shouldn't have either, you know . . . all of this time you spent telling me how horrible Miles is and just how terrible you made me feel about my faith because I chose to be with him, but I'm not the one cheating," I say with anger.

"I'm leaving," I tell him harshly, take his hands off me; the ones I didn't even notice were resting on my body, and pull the covers off of us.

"No, please, Madison. I deserved that, okay? But I've never been as confused about everything, one part of me feels like I'm in the best relationship, with a girl I really like but on the other hand . . . I just . . . something isn't right, and I felt like maybe that part would be found in you." Jace explains and I let out a breath.

"It won't Jace, maybe it did for you, but it didn't for me and it never will."

"Then why don't you ever stop me? Why don't you ever pull me away the second I lean in?!" He says loudly and firmly, his darker hair and strong arms forcing me to see Jace in a different light; Jace doesn't look or talk the same as he did, but so much time away from each other makes that happen.

"Because I'm looking for something too, I thought I had found it but . . . Miles and I—I just don't see how we would ever work this out."

"I hope you do," Jace says softly and I manage a small smile his way. I know how hard that is for him.

"Please stay?" His eyes beg a soft grey.

"Okay." I nod and turn around, letting Jace's body spoon mine into a warm hug. I couldn't feel more comforted right now, even with everything that just happened. But I can't hold a grudge on how my friend feels about me, I have to understand because that's what my mother would have wanted, and I know it's what I want.

"Goodnight." He says into my ear which is something different than 'night' that Miles always says

"Goodnight," I reply and with that, my eyes close with the darkness outside and I suddenly fall asleep.