It Came Upon A Midnight Clear

4.

Meredith sat on the bed for a moment, looking around the room for a couple more minutes as she turned to her bag and lifted it to the bed. She opened the bag and shifted its contents around, pulling out a pair of flannel pajama bottoms and her favorite t-shirt. She quickly changed, feeling the coolness of the room against her skin as she hurriedly slipped into them, making her feel a little more comfortable. She pulled her bag to the floor, tossing the clothes that she had been wearing atop it, and pulled back the covers on the bed. She reached over and turned on the bedside table, and switched off the other light in the room.

Slowly, she slipped into the bed, feeling the cool sheets against her toes as she rested her hands atop the blanket, the covers over her up to her chest as she closed her eyes for a moment. Her eyes opened once again.

She lay there in the bed, slowly going over the events of the evening. She smiled at the greeting that she had given the man at her car. Michael. She smiled a little more at the thought of the car full of children, so excited to go to their grandmother's house. She thought of the open and honest greetings that the family had for her, a stranger to their house, to their traditions. She thought of the look on the little girl's face as she opened the door to Santa. She thought of the baby, sitting on Santa's lap, sobbing for his mother as Santa struggled to talk to him, to soothe him, to make him understand that he wasn't going to hurt him. And she thought of her wish. She thought of what it would like to have a family like that, how things might not seem as hard, how family time would be an actual release from the rigors of medical school, and not an added stress.

She wondered if she would ever have something like that, a family to laugh with, a significant other to hold her hand beside the Christmas tree, a child to scream Christmas carols with. Right now that was way too far away to think about, and the more she tried to push those feelings aside, the stronger they became. She sighed, tossing onto her side, and then back again to the other side as she tried to relax, finding absolutely no peace of mind. After about a half hour, she couldn't take the silence.

She sighed as she sat up, slowly pulling the blankets from on top of her, she slid her feet to the warm rug beside the bed. She stood up and listened, hearing only the wind from outside, and the creaking of the tree outside the window. She slowly walked over to the door, opening it into the almost dark hallway, lit by the light by the stairs.

She quietly crept down the hallway to the stairs, listening to the snoring and sleep sounds from the rooms of the different families. She listened to the stairs creak slightly as she tried to walk tenderly down the steps, noting that the Christmas tree lights were still on, but the rest of the house was silent and darkened. She listened for any movement, content with the peacefulness, she relaxed. It was hard enough for her to be in a stranger's home, but to be sneaking around it was nerve-wracking. She was drawn to the flicker of the Christmas lights, the colorful tree that stood in the corner of the family room. Her eyes remained trained on that giant tree, as she stepped closer to it. She could smell the pine, the forest's perfume invaded her senses. She stepped forward to glance at the ornaments, balls of glass and tiny wooden teddy bears, round ornaments with pictures of friends and family members, and cookie ornaments obviously made by children or grandchildren, carefully placed on as many branches as possible. She slowly reached out to touch one of the tiny ornaments.

"You're not the Grinch, are you?" A man's voice startled her and she jumped, turning swiftly, she noticed that she wasn't alone in the room. Sitting in a recliner across the room, sat Derek. He was looking up at her with a grin filled with pure amusement, his eyes sparkling with the hundred lights of the Christmas tree.

"The Grinch?" She whispered, tilting her head as she tried to slow her heartbeat as her breath caught in her throat.

"Yeah... that green guy... that runs around to everyone's house and steals all of their Christmas goodies... You're not him, are you?"

"Do I look like him?" She asked, shaking her head.

"I'm not sure... it's dark in here... you could be green." He laughed.

"I assure you... I am not green..." She giggled. "And what are you doing sitting in a dark room by yourself... how do we know that you're not the Grinch?" She asked, her voice taking on a playful tone as she stood before him, a humored grin on her face.

"Pretty brash coming from a stranded stranger sneaking around my mother's house." He replied, watching as she retreated emotionally.

Meredith took a step back, dropping her hands. "I'm sorry." She said softly. "I'm sorry if I interrupted you."

"I didn't mean to insult you." He said softly, sitting up. "And you didn't interrupt me... I was just watching the lights... just like you." He smiled. "I'm not one to question the admiration of Christmas."

"I've just... never seen anything so absolutely beautiful." She said, turning to look up at the tree, the star glimmering at the top.

"It used to be bigger." Derek replied, watching her turn her head to face him. "When I was little... it was much bigger..." He said as he stood up. He walked over to stand beside her at the tree. "I'm sorry that I startled you."

"It's fine." She nodded, her fingers flicking and fiddling as she tried to keep her attention on the tree, and not the strange feeling in her stomach as he stood beside her. "I shouldn't have been sneaking around..."

"Can't sleep?" He asked.

"No."

"Miss seeing your family for the holidays?" He asked.

"No... no... not at all..." She said, quickly regretting saying it like that.

"You don't miss your family... or you don't see your family at the holidays?"

"Kind of... both." She replied, sitting down beside the Christmas tree, looking up at the bright lights as they shine down on them both, like a million stars in the sky. "It's a long convoluted story that I don't think that anyone wants to hear... it's not important... it doesn't even matter... I should have just stayed in my dorm room alone with my little plastic Christmas tree." She sighed as she lay down on the carpet, looking up at the tree.

Derek looked down at her as she stared up at the tree, he smiled watching this beautiful girl lie before him, her hair splayed across the carpet, her eyes reflecting the light of the tree as she babbled on about how miserable she would 'rather' be. He shook his head and chuckled to himself as he sat down on the carpet beside her. "I'll listen to your long convoluted story that no one wants to hear if you listen to mine." He said as he looked back at her. Her eyes stared directly into his as he suddenly felt a chill run down his neck. He watched her smile, her eyes rolling after a moment as she looked up at the tree for a moment.

"Alright." She said, her eyes glancing back at him as she smiled, feeling that same chill as he lay back down on the carpet beside her. They turned their heads to face one another, their eyes transfixed as she smiled. Their hands hovered at their sides, as she squeezed her hand into a fist as she tried to calm her rapid heartbeat. Then she felt his hand, warm and inviting, softly touching the knuckle of her hand, asking politely to be invited inside her hand.

He smirked just a little bit, his eyes sparkling as she slowly opened her hand, letting his warm hand envelop her tiny fingers into his palm as they both turned their heads and lay in silence as the grandfather clock tolled the midnight hour.