It Came Upon A Midnight Clear

33.

Meredith lay on her bed, her head on her pillow as she stared at the ceiling. She glanced to the corner where a bag full of gifts lay, ready and waiting for the Shepherd's to open them. She stared at the bag, wondering what had made her go through the trouble of finding them all gifts if all she was going to do was lie in her bed and cry that she wasn't there. She thought of the concern in Mrs. Shepherd's voice, the disappointment when she had said she wouldn't be there, and then she heard his voice in the background.

She didn't want to hear his voice, she didn't want to see him, not now. She played with the ring on her finger, the tiny star that sparkled in any light, much in the same as his eyes. She wasn't sure why she kept the ring on her finger, if only that it was his promise to her, not her promise to him, and it wouldn't be fair to remove it until he got his say. He still loved her, and she still loved him, but something was off, something was wrong and she couldn't quite put her finger on it.

She flopped onto her side, facing away from the bag of gifts and her eyes fell onto the tiny Christmas tree that she had put up in her room. Dangling from one of the tiny branches was the little ornament that Mrs. Shepherd had made for her. The little heart with their picture of that first Christmas.

"I hate Christmas." She mumbled as she closed her eyes tightly. As if on cue, the door opened.

"Hey lazy ass... when are you going?" Cristina muttered as she stood in the doorway, her slippers and pajamas still on as she held a cup of coffee in her hands.

"I told you before, I'm not going." She groaned, rolling away from her friend as she sighed and stared at the other wall.

"Oh, you're going..." She said as she walked over. She put the mug of coffee on the table and flopped onto the bed. "You have to go."

"No I don't... you're not going home for Christmas, I'm not going home for Christmas."

"I'm Jewish." She muttered.

"It's the same freaking thing... time off... near Christmas... winter break... go home..."

"I told you, Mark is coming here." She said with a snort.

"Oh... I see... you just want me out of the apartment so that you two can screw like bunnies and walk around the place naked..." Meredith said as she rolled onto her back.

"No...Because... first of all... I don't care if you're here when we walk around naked... Second of all... You don't even want to be here... and most importantly, I want you out because I refuse to take part and hang up decorations for this little pity party that you've thrown together." Cristina said, grabbing her mug of coffee, she took a sip.

"It's not a pity party... things just didn't work out for Derek and I."

"That's rather funny since you're sitting here with a bag full of gifts for his family, his engagement ring still on your finger, and that stupid internship letter in your hand." She said, ripping the paper from her hands. "Are you going to tell him that you accepted or not?"

"Not." She groaned, rolling over away from Cristina.

"He's going to find out one way or another." Cristina muttered. "You have to stop avoiding him and talk to him!"

"I broke up with him!"

"You broke up with his answering machine, you idiot... You can't break up with an answering machine... first... It's beyond rude... beyond tasteless... I mean... You may as well have just walked up to him, cracked his sternum wide open and reached in with your bare hand... pulled his heart out and took a big bite out of it... You'll be lucky if the guy takes you back after that little action."

"I don't want him to take me back... I don't deserve him anyway." She muttered as she threw her pillow over her head. "So are you guys going to slip me some food under my door... I think slices of pizza will do just fine." Meredith said, looking out from behind the pillow. "They'd fit nicely under the door..." She mumbled as she looked at her friend.

"You are going!" Cristina exclaimed as she stood up, slammed her mug onto the table and grabbed her friend's bag.

"What are you doing?" Meredith asked as she sat up in her bed.

"I'm packing your goddamned clothes and I'm throwing you out into the snow!" Cristina exclaimed as she walked over to Meredith's closet and started pulling clothes out.

"Stop! Cristina! I'm not going!" She exclaimed as she leapt from her bed. She reached for the bag and Cristina wrenched it out of her reach.

"You're going, Meredith. Derek... is a really, really... really nice guy... and he loves you... and he wants to take care of you... and he does... he takes very good care of you..."

"He wanted to leave me!" She exclaimed.

"He wanted you to come with him! He wants what is best for you... for him... for your future and you're just throwing it all... every single last bit of it out the goddamned window! It's about time you did something by yourself! It's about time you sacrificed something for Derek! Stop forcing Derek to make sacrifices for you!"

"What do you think this is all about?" Meredith exclaimed, waving the paper in her hand around. "This is me sacrificing! I am sacrificing!" She exclaimed.

"You... are doing that... for yourself!" Cristina exclaimed, throwing the bag onto the floor. "I'm sick of it, Meredith... all of this goddamned 'pity me' shit... the whole... 'oh... my mother is a big fat meanie that never loved me...' shit.... Your mother loves you... You know it... I know it... Derek knows it... because if she didn't, she wouldn't give a shit what you did with your life! Now get off your goddamned ass... stop with the pity parade... pity party... pity shit... and get your shit...get into your car... and go find him!" Cristina exclaimed, her face was red and angry.

"But..."

"NO!" Cristina shouted, grabbing Meredith's pillow from her bed. "You will find him!" She said, smacking her with the pillow. "You will apologize to him!" She exclaimed, smacking her again. "AND you will get down on your hands and knees and you will BEG him to take your sorry ass back!" She shouted, throwing the pillow onto the bed.

"I..."

"GO! NOW!" She screamed, watching Meredith stand there with a pitiful look on her face. "Go! Go! Go! Now! Now! Now!" She exclaimed, watching as Meredith grabbed her bag quickly and started putting clothes into it. "Faster! Faster!" She shouted.

"Stop rushing me!" Meredith exclaimed.

"You had better be out of here in ten minutes... or I'll be back..." Cristina said as she grabbed her mug and walked towards the door. "You don't want me to come back." She said with a warning tone as she stepped out of the room.

Meredith watched the door close and scowled. "Tyrant..." She grumbled.

"I heard that!" Cristina exclaimed as she walked down the hallway towards her own room.