It Came Upon A Midnight Clear

22.

Derek shifted in his seat again, glancing over to the seat beside him, he watched as Meredith stared out the window at the passing scenery. "I'm sorry." He whispered.

"You're sorry?" She asked, turning her head to offer him a small smile as he sighed, his eyes showing a lot of concern as she tilted her head in question.

"I'm sorry that I made that joke... to my family... you know about being exhausted... I don't want you to think that they don't respect you or something... and I don't want..."

"It's fine, Derek." She said as she smiled sadly. "So what if they think I'm a little bit adventurous..." She shrugged with a small smile. "They don't need to know everything."

"I guess you're right." He nodded. He glanced to see her hands fiddling with the small wrapped package, she silently wondered what the box had hidden inside. "Are you going to open it?" He asked softly, watching her carefully as she looked up into his eyes.

"Maybe." She said with a smile. "Shouldn't you be paying attention to the road, and not me?" She asked.

"Maybe..." He said with a smirk as he glanced at the road.

"Trust me Derek... you don't want to end up in a snowbank... your car will get totaled and you'll be carted away to a far off land with princes and fairytale Christmas decorations... only to be ripped away from it when you realize that it's not real life..." She giggled as he chuckled.

"Princes, huh?"

"See... I knew you were going to harp on that..."

"You said it, not me..."

"I'm just saying... Hey... look... a Christmas present!" She said, changing the subject, eliciting a laugh from Derek. "Let's open it and see what is inside!" She giggled, looking over at him as he smiled. She held the box firmly in her hand as she carefully pulled away the wrapping paper. She glanced to Derek out of the corner of her eye and then back to the gift again. She looked at the small white box, and scrutinized it carefully before opening it, her fingertips playing at the edge of the box.

"Are you going to open it, or stare at it?" He teased.

"I'm very close to throwing it at you..." Meredith laughed as she slowly opened the box. Her jaw opened in surprise as she carefully pulled the small amount of tissue paper that was covering the small silver ornament. "Derek..." She whispered as she carefully pulled the star from its wrapping, letting it dangle delicately from its golden string from her fingertip.

"Wow..." He whispered as he glanced to it. "That's..."

"What?" She whispered, watching as he swallowed hard.

"Nothing..." he whispered, bringing his attention back to the windshield, he remained quiet, his ears turning bright red as he tried to keep his eyes on the road.

"Derek... what is it?" She whispered, looking down, she gently placed the star back into the tissue paper. As she carefully placed it there, she noticed that there was a tiny piece of paper stuck to the lid of the box. Very carefully, she pulled it out, unfolding it slowly, she read the words out loud.

"Meredith. This star was a gift from myself to my Richard on our first Christmas together. I am sure that you are thinking that it is ridiculous to give up such a precious thing to a complete stranger, but I see it differently. While I can look at it and remember, and lament, and wish for things past...I want you to use it as a key to your future. I see you as a friend, to both myself and to my son. I see you as a daughter, if only for one Christmas, it was enough. You are young and smart, and you understand the importance of memories and keepsakes. Please keep this ornament for yourself, so that in the future, when you find that special someone, you can share it with them. With all of my love for the future, Marian Shepherd (Mom)." She sighed as she read the words, her eyes darting to Derek as she watched him concentrate on the road. "Derek?" She whispered.

He did not respond to her, his eyes trained on the road ahead as he just continued to drive. He noticed out of the corner of his eye, how delicately she folded the tiny paper into the box, covering it carefully with the tissue paper, she slid the lid onto it. She lifted the box to her heart, grasping it tightly with two hands as she bend her head down, and began to silently cry.

He wanted to reach for her, he wanted to put his arm around her, he wanted to console her and talk to her, kiss her, hold her, but he couldn't. Something was holding him back, and he wasn't sure what it was. His own mother had given up one of her most cherished possessions for this woman, and something was stopping him from telling her that there was no reason to cry. He then realized, that there was reason to cry. There was... a completely separate set of emotions that were attached to this gesture that he wasn't sure that he was ready to share with her, though when he felt her hand reach for his, begging for his attention and love, he was there to accept it, grasp it tightly, and offer her a supportive smile to try to help ease the pain and confusion of what she was feeling at that moment.

Maybe he wasn't prepared to share those emotions, maybe he wasn't prepared to completely let go of the importance of that ornament in Meredith's hands, or maybe... just maybe, he was ready... and that was why it hurt so much.

He held her hand tightly, her other hand covering the box firmly as she held it to her heart and closed her eyes, slowly bringing her tears to a stop, as she carefully leaned her head against him, closing her eyes to rest for the remainder of the trip.

🎄🎄🎄

Everyone watched the two of them as they told the story, their eyes animated and happy, the high of their engagement ringing through in their voices as Derek leaned forward to kiss her cheek softly.

"Another story?" Kathleen asked with a smile as everyone else nodded happily.

"Hey... get some caffeine in me and I can talk all night." Derek said with a laugh as he tickled Meredith just a little, just to hear her giggle, watching as Nancy got up to get the coffee pot so they could prepare for some more stories.