It Came Upon A Midnight Clear

62.

As soon as Ellis disappeared out the door, Derek turned his eyes to face Meredith. Her eyes were closed, a small smile on her face as she took a deep breath. Derek watched her closely, every twitch of her eyelid, every movement of her lips, every tiny wrinkle on her delicate forehead, he watched closely. He held her hand in his, her slender fingertips intertwined with his. He moved his thumb rhythmically over her skin as he watched her.

"You're thinking about it." She whispered. "Stop thinking about it."

"I can't stop thinking about it, Meredith." He replied.

"But I don't want you to cry."

"I won't cry."

"You will." She whispered. "You'll cry, and not tell me." She whispered, slowly opening her eyes to meet his. "Don't cry alone, Derek. If you want to cry... cry with me."

"Meri..." Derek whispered as he watched her eyes flicker from one of his to the other, her eyelashes fluttering delicately as she watched him search for what he wanted to say.

"Did I screw up, Derek?" She asked, suddenly, her question taking him by surprise.

"Did you screw up?" Derek whispered.

"Yes." She whispered. "Did I screw up... this... us... our baby... was it something that I did to get me put here? Was it something that I could have prevented... should I really be here in this bed right now, or should I be at home right now getting ready to go to back to Boston, back to you?" Meredith whispered, tears beginning to well up in her eyes, sparkling softly as her lip stuck out in a pout.

"Oh, Meri..." Derek whispered as he leaned forward and kissed her lips softly. He delicately moved his fingers through her honey blonde hair as he watched her search his eyes for an answer. "You didn't do anything wrong... This isn't your fault... sometimes these things just happen... sometimes it happens..."

"But I don't want it to happen..." She whimpered.

"I don't either..." Derek shook his head, tilting it slightly as he watched her swallow hard. "Do you have any pain right now, sweetheart? Can I get you anything?"

"No." She whispered. "Derek...?" She whispered, her eyes glancing to the door for a moment and back to him once again.

"Hmm..." he said softly as he watched her eyes drift to the door again.

"Did I... embarrass her?" Meredith whispered.

"Your mother?"

"Yes." She said, her brow furrowing more as she shook her head slightly, her eyes filled with fear. "Did I embarrass her?"

"Meri..." Derek whispered. "Meri... your mother is nothing but proud of you."

"But..."

"Meri... she doesn't just 'say' things... she doesn't say things just to make people feel better. You know better than that. You know your mother better than that. She's not that kind of person. She says what she wants to say... whether it hurts the other person or not... if she was not proud of you, she wouldn't say it... she wouldn't be here ready to bash my head against the wall until I let her kidnap you and whisk you away in an ambulance. She loves you very much."

"She loves you." Meredith whispered. "She loves you, too."

"I'm not going to be the one to ask." Derek whispered. "I'll take that she can stand me..." Derek shook his head.

"I saw her smiling... talking with your mother... Oh... Derek..." Meredith gasped. "Your mother and sisters... where are they? Are they alright?" She whispered.