It Came Upon A Midnight Clear

10.

Dinner was set up on the table, and parents lifted, carried, ushered, and convinced their children into their chairs as they all sat down at the long dining room table that was set up. The turkey was placed at the table on the end, and Mrs. Shepherd sat at her seat at the other end of the table. Meredith watched carefully as everyone came into the room slowly. Husbands pulled chairs out for their wives, children begged their parents for a spot at the adult table and babies were lined up in their high chairs, happy to have a toy or a bowl with cereal in it while everyone else prepared to sit down for dinner.

She watched the candles on the table, the flickering of the flame as they methodically licked away at the candle wick, sending silent streams of wax cascading down the sides of the long tapered candles. She watched the colors of the table cloth and how the red and green of the trim was laced delicately around it, as if whoever had made it, did so with such care and love. She was so engrossed in the happiness of the family's preparation, that she hadn't even realized that everything was just about ready. She didn't move until she felt a slight pressure on her right shoulder. She looked to the right and Derek stood there with a kind smile as he carefully took her hand. His eyes remained on hers completely as he reached out gently and pulled the chair out for her.

"Thank you." She said, watching as his eyes sparkled again, his eyes winking slightly as he helped pull the chair in for her now, seating her comfortably in her chair. He then took a step to her left and pulled the chair beside her, the chair on the end of the table, out slightly so that he could prepare to sit down.

Derek stood before his family, the hungry bunch of happy people as they giggled, laughed, joked and smiled. He felt bad for becoming solemn all of a sudden, and Meredith could see the look in his face was solid and determined. She knew what he was about to do, just by the way he stood there at the end of the table. He attempted to recite his words in his head before he let them spill from his lips, and she could see that every word that was emitted would be an important one.

"Alright everyone... okay..." He said as everyone started to quiet, watching as Derek stood at the end, looking down the long table at his family. "Alright everyone." He said once again, attempting to gain their attention. "Okay..." He smiled, carefully taking his glass, but not before smiling down at Meredith as she looked up at him with an expectant and supportive gaze. He smiled softly as he watched as everyone reached for their glass. "I would like to offer a toast..." He said softly as he watched his mother watch on proudly. Her son was now carrying on a tradition that her husband had always thought important, reflection on friends and family during Christmas dinner, was one of his favorite things, and she watched as her son stood before them all with her husband's eyes, her husband's smile, and her husband's stance.

"My father... our father... dad... he... unfortunately... could not be here this year to celebrate this wondrous time of year with us." Derek said softly, trying to stay strong. "He would stand here... year after year and hold his glass in the air for minutes at time... babbling on about the time of year... how beautiful everything was covered in snow... and how much he looked forward to the coming year.... He would comment on the weather...the beauty of mom..." Derek grinned. "He would make sure everyone understood and knew... how absolutely in love with his family he was. He would make sure that everyone understood how this time of year was special to him... how you all touched his heart, touched his soul... touched his mind every moment of every day." He whispered, his eyes catching his mother's as he smiled. He could feel the teardrops in his eyes.

"I... told myself... that I wouldn't cry today... when I did this toast." He said, glancing to Meredith. "I know that some of you here... don't do crying..." He laughed a little as he watched Meredith laugh. He looked up and panned the room again. "But I think I'll tell you... something that someone who has a different perspective on things told me... She told me that... I can cry... if I want... I can cry if I want to... to mourn the passing of my father and his traditions and his love for the holiday season... or... or I can carry on those traditions. I can love... honor... and take those traditions and hold them near and dear to my heart. I can cradle those memories in my arms... as I will my own child some day... and lift those memories to the top of the Christmas tree each year when I put the star at the top." He said as he let a tear fall. "Christmas... is about the past." He sighed. "It's about... the future..." He said, nodding towards his nieces and nephews... "But most importantly... it's about the present... and how it would be a shame if we let it pass by without taking a pause for those who are in our past... and in... our future." He whispered, glancing down at Meredith, seeing the slow tear rolling down her cheek. "So... without further adieu... and without further explanation... I wish to toast my father... Richard Shepherd... may he live in our past... our present... and in the future..." He said as he held up his glass, smiling as he and the rest of the family clinked their glasses, complimenting Derek on his sentiment.