It Came Upon A Midnight Clear

16.

Derek watched Meredith as he helped untie her skates. Her eyes were drooping as she yawned, her eyes squeezing closed as she looked down at him for a moment. "Are you going to be able to make it to the car?" He asked, his smile widening as he watched her smirk.

"Are you looking for an excuse to pick me up and carry me somewhere? I'm not your little pocket pet, Derek..." She giggled.

"Oh... pocket pet... that's cute..." He chuckled as he shook his head and helped her pull her sneaker onto her foot. "There... all set.... Ready for solid ground..." He said as he stood and held his hand out to her.

"Thank you." She smiled as she grasped his hand, letting him help her stand up. "Now what?" She asked, looking up at him.

"Now what? You're ready to fall asleep... now we all go back to my mom's house and rest so that we can all leave in the morning." He laughed.

"Boring..." She said, yawning again, covering her mouth as she giggled at the expression on his face. "I guess I'm ready for bed..." She shook her head as they walked out towards the car.

They watched as all of the other family members carried their exhausted little ones back to their cars, Derek opened the passenger side door for her and she smiled gratefully as she climbed carefully inside. "Thank you." She whispered with a soft smile as she yawned once again.

"Oh, you're not tired at all..." Derek teased as he chuckled, closing the door gently as he walked over to the other side of the car.

He climbed into the driver's side and started the car, glancing over to her, he caught her in the middle of another yawn as he backed out of the parking space and made their way back to Derek's mother's house. She watched his hand as he settled it on the shifter in the center of the car, and she contemplated taking it into hers.

"What am I doing?" She sighed.

"What are you doing?" Derek asked, glancing to her as he drove.

"Yeah..." She said as she shook her head. "I don't know you... why am I letting you affect me like this?"

"Like what?" He asked, knowing full well how she was affecting him, but he was curious if she meant the same thing.

"I... I don't know... but..."

"No... tell me..."

"Like this... like right now." She said, looking up into his eyes as he glanced at her. "I want to tell you so badly how you are making me feel... but I have to stop myself."

"Why?"

"Because I don't know you."

"You keep saying that."

"Because it's true..." She sighed.

"But I want to know you... don't you want to know me?"

"Maybe."

"You say that a lot... I've noticed that..." He smiled.

She shook her head and laughed. "I just... I'm not very good at relationships."

"Neither am I." Derek replied.

"I push people away..."

"Me too..."

"I don't think I'm ready for a relationship." She replied.

"Me neither." He shrugged.

They slipped into silence as both of them contemplated the conversation that they had just had, contemplated saying more, and didn't regret a word. Meredith kept her eyes outside at the passing scenery, as Derek watched out the windshield.

Derek pulled into his mother's driveway slowly, glancing to Meredith as she continued to stare out the window.

"Is this an example?" Derek whispered.

Meredith turned and tilted her head.

"Of you pushing people away... is that what you're doing here?"

"I'm just... I'm just thinking..." She said as she watched other family members arrive, lifting their children from the cars and bringing them inside, they left Derek and Meredith their privacy as they just headed towards the house.

Derek thought of pushing, but judging by the look on her face, she didn't need any pushing, just to think. He kept the car running for a little while, letting her stare out into the snow and ice as he waited for her to speak.

"Meredith." He finally whispered, watching her turn her head to face him. "I...am... I am a doctor... and a very... very busy person..." He sighed. "I have had my share of good relationships and bad relationships... I have had my share of people pushing me away... but there is something... inside of me... and I don't know what it is... I don't know if it is... just the beauty of your face... or the soft tone of your voice... if it's the tender touch of your fingers... or the way that you seem to get me... having only spoken a few words. I crave your laughter... and I can't explain it... I mean... when you laugh, it warms my entire body... and you just... radiate with energy. Your kiss... makes me dizzy... I just wish I knew why..." He said as he watched her looking at him. "Maybe I'm crazy." He shrugged.

She didn't even pause as a smile slowly lit up her face. "We both must be crazy..." She shrugged.

Derek carefully moved his hand to her fingers, slowly taking it into his as he lifted it to his lips. "Why don't we get inside... get to sleep so that I can get you home tomorrow." He said softly.

"I don't want to go home." She whispered.

"We can talk about that on the ride to Boston... but right now..." He said, watching as she yawned again. "You need to get some sleep." He said as he reluctantly let go of her hand and climbed from the car. Just as she was about to open the door to get out, it opened for her, and Derek stood there with his hand extended. She smiled a bright smile and let him help her to the car, taking his hand as they walked towards the house, up the steps of the porch and into the front door.

They walked into the house quietly, saying their goodnights to the family members that were milling about the kitchen, and climbed the stairs slowly to the bedrooms. Derek walked her down the hallway to her room, and she could feel him tug her arm just a little bit as they reached the door.

"You're not going to disappear in the middle of the night, are you?" He whispered.

"Disappear?"

"You're not going to turn out to be a figment of my imagination..." He explained. "You're not going to freak out and leave me here... wondering who you are, where you are..."

"Derek... you know my mother." She giggled, shaking her head.

He shrugged. "How do I know you just didn't make that up..." He smirked.

"You know where I go to school..."

"You could have made that up too... Maybe you're name isn't Meredith at all... maybe it's Ester or Marmaduke..."

"Marmaduke? Marmaduke was a big orange dog!" She exclaimed with a laugh.

"It's dark in the hallway... you could be orange..." He chuckled as he laughed.

"Goodnight, Derek." She smiled softly as she squeezed his hand.

"Goodnight, Meredith..." He said sincerely, a half smile on his face as he watched her eyes sparkling as she looked into his. "Have sweet dreams..."

"I will." She smiled softly. "Don't worry, Derek... I'm not going anywhere..." She said as she leaned up carefully, catching his lip between her teeth, as her hand came up and carefully moved through his dark curls. His own hands reached up and raked through her soft, silken tendrils as his tongue explored her mouth, their eyes closed in delicate bliss, as they slowly pulled apart. Their hands were still on one another's cheek as they stared into one another's eyes. "Sweet dreams, Derek." She whispered as she reluctantly pulled from him, and reached for the doorknob, watching him smile softly as she slipped into the bedroom and closed the doors.