The Eight Of Us? (Sidemen Fanfic)

41

Riley's POV

I place my hands on Josh's face and bring him towards me. Our lips meet in a sweet and loving kiss. Josh's thumb continues to lightly brush over my bare thigh.

Memories start flooding through my mind. Their hands running up and down my thighs, tracing the sides of my body, grabbing my breasts. I don't want to feel their touch anymore. I want to feel my boys. I love them and trust them with everything.

A tear slips down my cheek as I move one of my hands down onto Josh's and place his hand on my bare thigh. Josh pulls back in a bit of surprise and notices the tear trailing down my face.

"Hey, what's-," Josh starts. He tries to remove his hand from my leg, assuming that that is the problem.

"No, please. All I feel is their touch. I want to feel your touch," I explain as I keep my eyes locked with Josh's. My hand pulls his back down to my thigh.

"Are you sure?" He asks hesitantly. His hand that isn't on my leg raises to my cheek. A cough at from the entryway causes our heads to snap in that direction. Simon is carrying a slightly awake and coughing Elouise from the lounge back to his room. He notices us looking in his direction as he is walking up the stairs and winks in our direction with a caring smile.

"You're sure?" Josh questions once again.

"I'm sure. I trust you, and I love you," I respond. Josh's thumb rubs against the skin of my leg. His fingers hesitantly inch up my leg. He leans forward again and kisses me passionately. His hand slips under my shirt as his fingertips lightly glide over my skin. His other hand moves from my face to my other thigh. His hand under my shirt stops on my waist. His fingers graze over the scars that litter my side. He breaks the kiss between us and looks at me with sad eyes.

"May I?" He mumbles quietly as his fingers mess with the hem of my shirt. I nod slowly and raise my arms up.

He lifts the shirt from my body and lets it sit on the counter beside us. Now I am left in just my underwear and bra. Josh's eyes rake over my body. A tear slips down his own cheek and I quickly wipe it away. Josh says nothing as he wraps his arms around me and pulls me close to him. His fingers continue to run along the scars on my side as we sit in each other's arms contently. His head moves to the crook of my neck.

"How long ago?" Josh asks after a while of silence. I stay quiet and snuggle into Josh more. I know that he is not going to like my answer. "Riley," Josh says as he continues to wait for the answer.

"Two months," I mumble and secretly hope that he doesn't hear. He obviously does though as is grip around me tightens.

"Why?" Is all Josh can say. His voice is thick with emotion.

"I've always had trouble coping with what happened. I can't help but feeling like it was somehow my fault and that I somewhat deserved it. Even before then I've hated my body, especially with my struggle to gain weight," I explain to my upset boyfriend.

"But you know it's not your fault, and you most definitely did not deserve it. You are beautiful and you always will be no matter what happens," Josh comforts as he pulls away from me slightly so that we can look into each other's eyes.

"I love you," I whisper through some tears.

"And I love you more than you will ever know," Josh responds. I rewrap my arms around him and cuddle close to him and soak up the warm and loving feeling he radiates. "Let's go sit in the lounge," Josh suggests as one of his hands trails from my lower back up to between my shoulder blades. I nod but have no time to pull away from him before he scoops me up in his arms and carries me into the lounge.

He sits down on the couch and reaches over his shoulder to grab a blanket that is resting on the back of the couch. I am sat with one of my legs on either side of his lap and facing him. Josh unfolds the blanket and drapes it over my somewhat bare body. I cuddle closer to his body heat with my head resting on his shoulder. His hands are settled on my lower back where his fingers trace light shapes into my skin.

"Get some sleep, it's still pretty early," Josh suggests. I hadn't realized my eyes sliding shut beforehand, but now that it he mentioned it, it is very apparent. As I'm slipping into unconsciousness, I feel Josh shift so that he is laying down on his back with me on top of him.

"Let me take her so you can go lay back down for a while," the voice of JJ is the first thing I hear as I am brought out of sleep.

"You sure?" Josh mumbles tiredly. I can feel the vibrations in his chest. His hands that are resting on my back shift slightly.

"Yup. Simon is still upstairs in my room with Elouise. She is still sleeping," JJ confirms. Josh sits up with me still slumped against him. I shift against him at the movement. Both boys shush me at the movement.

"JJ is going to lay with you for a bit, okay, baby?" Josh somewhat asks and informs. I slightly nod and feel myself being transferred over to JJ. JJ lays down with me on top of him just as Josh and I were previously. Josh leans down and I feel his lips on my temple. I hear him and JJ kiss before his footsteps retreat.

I cuddle closer to JJ and his body heat. His hands go to my waist but retract in surprise of touching my bare skin. I feel the blanket around my shoulder lift slightly and then a breath leave JJ. I chuckle a bit and pull his hand to my skin. His other hand follows and they trail up and down my back gently.

"What were you and Josh doing?" JJ says somewhat jokingly, but I can hear some seriousness and nervousness?

"Nothing more than this," I reply as I lean up and connect our lips in a slow and meaningful kiss. JJ's hands stop at the waistband of my underwear. I have been living in fear for too long now. I think it's time to face it, and I want JJ to help me. I pull away from the kiss and stare into his eyes.

"Will you help me face my fear?" I ask him quietly.

"Of course," he responds. His eyes hold curiosity and confusion.

I place my hand on top of his and lead it down to my bum. His eyes widen in surprise.

I remove my hand from his and cuddle back up to him with my on his shoulder. His hand gently caresses the muscle beneath his hand. His touch makes me feel safe and protected. I feel his lips attach to my neck. I release a shaky breath of pleasure at the feeling of JJ's lips on my sensitive skin. His hand on my bum only adds to the pleasure as his thumb lovingly rubs against my clothe covered cheek. My hand clenches in his shirt.

"I would stop unless you plan to finish what you start," I mumble out as a warning to JJ. He hums before he pulls away from my neck.

"Are you okay with me starting something?" JJ asks as he looks down at me.

"Yes," I say breathlessly. This is part of my fear, and JJ is going to help me face it head on.

Ohhh. An update? How rare! Oooof you guys, I have 12 days of school left. Then I graduate. I'm not ready to adult. I don't know how to adult. I'm scared. Until next time, Ilya, bye!