The Eight Of Us? (Sidemen Fanfic)

48

Simon's POV

Riley looks into my eyes finally. Something in her eyes changes as she comes out of her trance like state. Her body becomes more relaxed, but her tears fall more steadily. Josh slowly releases her hands. I take the crying girl into my arms and hold her to me.

The fact that she was talking to herself has me worried. The words she was saying scared me more. I want to hold her and never let her go. She truly has stolen my heart. Seeing her in pain and distress absolutely kills me.

I sit myself down on the hospital bed behind me. Riley's shaking hands are gripping my shirt in tight fists.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she continuously mumbles through sobs. I shush her as I comb my fingers through her hair. After a few minutes she has calmed down. Josh kneels down in front of us.

"What was all of that about?" He asks calmly as he brushes some stray hair out of her face.

"Not visual nor auditory flashbacks, but flashbacks to my thoughts and state of mind," she explains quietly. She seems a lot more content now. Especially after talking about it she seems to be more at ease.

"Do you want to talk about it more?" Josh asks. He is probably picking up on the same thing.

"Remember the night I told you about what happened? When I had the panic attack, I had flashbacks to the time when my parents first left me alone after the incident. Ever since those boys left me in that closet, my mind was non-stop attacking me. I was taught to hate myself, and I did. I hated my body, my actions, and my thoughts. My mind convinced me that I did something to deserve it, it was my fault, and I was supposed to just be used all the time. I decided that it would be easier and right to just end it all. When my parents left, I cut myself along my sides and chest after I downed a bottle of pain killers. I woke up in the hospital three days later from a coma. I still have trouble looking at myself without getting some form of flashback or episode," Riley tells us the story. It makes sense now.

Before our relationship, we have never seen Riley in anything less than jeans or sweatpants and large shirts. We've never seen her in a dress other than the one she sometimes sleeps in. It hurts to know that it has influenced her life and altered her decisions in life so much. I hope that some day we will be able to boost her confidence enough to see her in more outgoing clothing that will show her true personality. I mean, JJ was able to make her confident enough to pleasure each other.

"What about two months ago? What caused you to relapse?" Josh asks as he places two fingers under her chin. She reluctantly looks into his eyes.

"The fourth anniversary of the incident," she whispers. Josh nods slightly as to reassure her. We all sit in silence for a while longer. All of that information is kind of difficult to take in all at once. A knock sounds at the door and it opens.

"Hello again. This is my colleague, Dr. Gary. He specializes in trauma and mental illness. He was recommended to help you by your American doctor. Have you come to a decision?" Dr. Elis greets and introduces us. Dr. Gary is an older gentleman with dark hair that is slowly fading into silver.

"The nasogastric," Riley nods as she sits up more in my lap. She wipes at her eyes a couple more times.

"Sounds good. Let's go get the tube set into place. Dr. Gary is going to stay and try to gather some information that will help him later down the line," Dr. Elis explains as he motions for Riley to stand. Since they concluded that her condition wasn't serious, she is now able to walk again.

"Can I go with her?" Harry pipes up from his chair in the corner next to the bed. The doctor nods as he is holding the door open. Riley stands and places Buddy's vest on him. The four then leave the room.

"So tell me about where her trauma stems from," Dr. Gary starts. He sits in a chair and rests his clipboard on his knee.

"About four years ago, she was raped and attacked by four boys at her high school. She has been battling with suicidal thoughts, PTSD episodes, panic and anxiety attacks, and flashbacks ever since," Josh elaborates. It sounds like Josh has talked to her about it in more detail in the past.

"Suicidal thoughts. Is she on any medication for them and does she share them with you?" Dr. Gary asks wanting the specifics.

"She is on medication. She tends to not share them in detail, but she will say that her head hurts or she shouldn't be doing something. She sometimes talks to herself when she goes into a flashback that includes the thoughts," Josh goes into detail. Dr. Gary nods as he scribbles down notes.

"When was the last time one of these incidents occurred?" Dr. Gary inquiries.

"Ten minutes ago. Right before you came in," I speak up. His eyebrows raise in shock.

"That is surprising at how she was able to properly function so soon after it happened. You guys are good for her. I have records of her being unable to do the simplest tasks for days after having one of those flashbacks," Dr. Gary informs us. Now it's our turn to be surprised.

"Days?" JJ questions in disbelief.

"Yes. I feel this is something you guys should discuss with her more. I doubt that she is going to be willing to visit a therapist, but that would be my recommendation based on the fact that they have been happening recently. I think that you guys leading at home therapy sessions would be the best for her. I will send you guys home with some directions and stuff. Riley should be coming back through before too long, so I am going to be back another time to gather some more information," Dr. Gary concludes. He stands up and shakes each of our hands.

"Thank you, Dr. Gary," Josh Thanks him as he shakes his hand.

"No, thank you. I will keep in contact with you all," he says as he exits the room.

Not even a minute later, Harry and Riley walk back through. Riley has the nasogastric tube through her left nostril. The tube is taped to her cheekbone with a special type of tape. The end of the tube hangs down at about her waist. Her hand is up at her nose and holding a tissue to it. Harry has his arm around her waist for comfort.

Hope you enjoyed. Until next time, Ilya, bye!!