Rough Heart | ethan dolan

[fifteen - confessions & finding ethan]

Grayson remains silent as we drive down the road. The radio plays softly in the background, making the hectic situation somewhat more peaceful.

I am almost startled when he finally speaks.

"My dad and Ethan never really got along," I turn my eyes over to him, letting him know that I am listening.

"My dad was a tough person to get along with and you already know Ethan is too, and they just didn't mix really well. I know that sounds terrible, because they're father and son, but it's the truth. Ethan hated my dad, and my dad didn't care for Ethan," he turns the radio volume down before continuing.

"My dad was an alcoholic, too, so that obviously didn't help. It's sad because he was truly a good guy when it came down to it, but the alcohol just took all of his good qualities away. My dad would have never hurt my mom or Ethan and I, though. When he got drunk, he would always seem to stay away from the house."

Grayson sighs, and I notice his grip get tighter on the steering wheel.

"So he was never around much, because he was always drunk. That made Ethan hate him even more. I would have hated him, but I couldn't. He was my dad, the only dad I would ever have, so I kept that in mind. But, out of nowhere, my dad just lost it. He started yelling at Ethan and I more, and started to even scare mom. His worst stage lasted for only a month before he... committed suicide, at our house in New Jersey."

I can't help but gasp. I can't believe this.

"Ethan felt like it was all his fault, and he still does. He hated our father, and he felt like it was his hatred that sent him to do the unthinkable. My mom and I have told him non-stop over the years that none of it is his fault, but he doesn't listen. After our dad's death is when Ethan went off the rails. He started hooking up with random girls every weekend, getting in fights, and smoking. But one thing Ethan has never done is drink a sip of alcohol, and it's because of our dad."

I think back to one of the first times I ever met Ethan at one of the bonfire parties. I remember being so confused as to why he didn't drink, and now that I know, it makes so much sense.

"I even lost it a little bit after our dad's death, but I pulled myself together after mom got diagnosed with cancer. Ethan still hasn't."

It all makes so much more sense, now. Ethan is really just a badly damaged and hurt boy. I suddenly feel a burn in my chest, and I realize I have something in common with Ethan. I hate his father. It is his father that has turned him into the hidden, lost boy that he is today.

"I am so, so sorry, Grayson. You, Ethan, and Anne are the last people on earth to deserve something like this."

Grayson nods.

"Um, anyways, here in LA is where my mom and dad met, and it was one of their favorite places. That's why we moved here. So, I think I know where he might be..."

"Where?"

"Our dad's grave. He was buried here in LA, and Ethan has never visited it before with mom and I. I've been reading his writing lately, too, and he's been talking about our dad."

My eyes widen when we pull into the parking lot of a large graveyard.

Sure enough, I see Ethan halfway across the eerie destination, and my heart breaks. I watch closely as he just simply sits next to a large grave. He refuses to look at the grave itself, though. His eyes remain frozen onto the ground and he's just... there, sitting next to his father.

"I knew it." Grayson sighs as he pulls the car into a parking spot.

"You should go talk to him." I tell Grayson.