Rough Heart | ethan dolan

[forty - have you ever?]

⚠️THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS EXPLICIT CONTENT. PLEASE READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.⚠️

I don't even have time to process what I have read before I am in my car, on my way to Ethan's house.

My heart pumps rapidly as I drive and my grip on the steering wheel is tighter than ever. I can't believe what he wrote to me.

I raise my palm up to my tear-stained cheek, trying to wipe away any excess wetness. My eyes are swollen from reading Ethan's letter- his beautiful, heartfelt letter. To me.

I had no idea that he felt everything that happened so deeply. I was, selfishly, too focused on my own feelings.

I arrive at Ethan's house and quickly park my car at the end of the long driveway. My heart continues to pound relentlessly as I rush up to the front door and knock.

"Jessica! How are you, dear?" Anne soon answers the door, and I am slightly taken aback when she's not wearing her usual bandana over her head.

My heart suddenly breaks as I catch a full glance at her completely shaven head. I will never understand how Anne, out of all people, was given the harsh sickness of cancer.

"Hi, Anne. I really need to see Ethan,"

I feel somewhat bad for rushing out the words and attempting to avoid the inevitable upcoming conversation with Anne about how I've been and what I've been up to, but Ethan is the only thing on my mind.

Anne can tell that I am rushed and simply smiles and points up the stairs. Ethan must be in his bedroom.

I smile at her, and somehow I know that she knows I'm thankful.

I wave at Robert, who's on the living room couch, as I rush off up the stairs and over to Ethan's bedroom door.

I don't even bother to knock.

I can't help but smile when I see him at his desk, writing in the journal I gave him for his birthday.

"Hey." I say, leaning against the open doorframe.

Ethan spins around in his desk chair, seeming to feel some sort of relief when he sees me. He wears a long-sleeved green shirt that looks incredibly comfy, and his usual gray sweatpants that he always looks amazing in. I'm surprised when he isn't wearing one of his beanies, and his hair is free and slightly messy upon the top of his head. A few strands of his dark brown hair fall down onto his forehead, which I have come to love.

"Hey." He finally says.

We stare into each other's eyes for a moment, just taking it all in. As my eyes are locked onto his, I take a deep breath. I want to enjoy this calm moment while it lasts. There's no telling what's going to happen next, especially with Ethan and I.

Without even realizing, a tear escapes my eye and falls down onto my cheek.

"That letter was the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me." I tell him, and mean it.

I don't know why I'm crying, but I can't help it. My vision becomes cloudy as the tears fill my eyes, but I know I see Ethan walking over to me.

Without saying a word, he lightly pushes my head into his chest and wraps his arms around me tightly. My arms wrap around his waist instantly as I cry into his warm chest.

His head rests on top of mine as he hugs me, and I have never felt so comfortable in my life.

"Shhh, Jess," he whispers, his chin still resting on the top of my head, "it's alright, baby."