Rough Heart | ethan dolan

[fifty five - graduation gowns & dreaded words]

Anne and Robert's wedding weekend getaway was much needed. We all returned to Los Angeles feeling satisfied and refreshed. I know I would love to go back to New Jersey again one day with Ethan.

Anne and Robert are incredible. They're absolutely crazy for each other, and their love continues to inspire me every single day. If there is one thing I have realized over these past two months of their marriage, it's that love is a beautiful, wonderful thing- no matter the circumstances. Seeing them so happy makes everyone around them even happier. I feel beyond fortunate to be able to witness their love.

I admire Robert for his strength despite Anne's illness, as well.

And, I admire Anne for hers, especially since she's gotten a lot worse since the wedding weekend.

Ethan, Grayson and I have decided not to talk about it or focus on it much, and to just enjoy every bit of her while she's still here, but, it's getting harder every day. Anne has become very, very weak. Her amazing spirit and happiness remains, but her body is the complete opposite. It refuses to keep up with her.

If Anne were to attempt to go on a trip to New Jersey like we did only two short months ago, she wouldn't be able to make it. It has become all too much for her.

Robert chooses to have the same attitude as Ethan, Grayson and I- which I respect. He continues to act normal around Anne and treat her regularly, as Anne has requested.

On a lighter note, Elena ended up showing up at the wedding reception that night, and Grayson and her are back together. They're very happy together.

In fact, I have never seen Grayson so happy. The long distance is a bit hard on them, but they find ways to make it work. Grayson visited her two weekends ago, and Elena is flying up here this weekend. They really do love each other.

As for Ethan and I, we couldn't be happier. If I'm being honest, I was scared that Anne's situation would push Ethan away from me. I was scared that it would be too much for him, and he wouldn't want to make time for me anymore.

But, if anything, it has made us even closer.

It makes me so happy that he has opened up to me in every form possible, instead of hiding everything like he did when we first met. When he tells me how he feels, it's much better than him bottling everything up and taking it all out in anger.

He has handled everything pretty well, actually. Him and Grayson both. I can't imagine how hard it must be to witness your mother becoming worse and worse, but they are beyond mature about it. They have respected Anne's wishes about acting like she doesn't even have cancer and treating her normally.

And, so have I. And everyone else around Anne.

So we all just keep on keeping on. And, in Anne's words, "whatever happens, happens."

"Hey, bro, a package came in for you and I." Grayson enters the living room.

He struggles a bit as he fumbles the large package in his hands.

Ethan quickly puts an end to his brief wrestle with the package, standing up from his place on the couch next to me and pacing over to him. I follow behind them into the kitchen.

They place the package onto the kitchen counter, and I watch as Grayson walks over to collect a pair of scissors from a drawer.

He glides the scissors down the front of the package, breaking it open.

"Oh," Grayson sighs, placing the scissors onto the counter next to the package.

Ethan nods, examining the package.