Rough Heart | ethan dolan

[forty two - charlie's return & anne's news]

The next few weeks fly by.

October arrives; the air becomes cooler, the leaves change color, and everyone at Clearview High seems to be more and more ready to graduate and get the hell out of high school with each passing day. I can't lie, I am beyond ready to be done with high school.

However, I'm not ready to make the inevitable decision of where I am going to attend college. My mom and I are pretty set on Berkeley as of now, but who knows. 

Ethan and I have yet to have the whole "future" conversation. To be honest, I'm a bit scared to ask him where he wants to go because I am afraid of being disappointed. I don't want to have to start thinking about a potential break-up due to long distance. At least not right now, that is.

So I've decided to continue enjoying Ethan and I's relationship and live in the moment instead of worrying about what's to come. After all, we do have eight more months, and Ethan isn't the type of person to worry about our future anyways.

I've spent the past few weeks being with Ethan, gossiping with Lilly as always, painting with Anne, studying, and, believe it or not, even attending a bonfire party. Lilly begged and begged me to go with her last weekend, and I finally caved in, as I usually do. I was disappointed, though, when Ethan didn't surprise me and randomly show up again just to see me. He wasn't too fond of me attending, especially since he's not allowed to, but it ended up working out because I went to his house afterwards.

Painting with Anne has become a new favorite hobby of mine. Occasionally when I'll be over with Ethan, she'll whip out a few canvases and we'll get to work. She has easily become somewhat of a second mother to me, which, in a way, really sucks.

Not getting to know her, of course, but the fact that I am just now getting close with her, and she doesn't have much time left. 

I enjoy our painting sessions so much and am so glad I have started my long-lost hobby again, but it hurts every time I remember my painting buddy will soon be gone.

And if it hurts just for me to think about it, I can't imagine how Ethan or Grayson feel.

Ethan loves how Anne and I paint, and I love how he loves it. He keeps a lot of my paintings and compliments every one. He also claims I am getting better and better with each painting, but I think he's just saying that to be nice.

Anne continues to amaze me with her painting. You would think that by now I would be used to her talent and that it would come as no surprise to me that her paintings are always so good, but it never gets old. She is such an incredible painter, and I feel honored to paint by her side, really.

I never fail to compliment her on the main painting in the living room of the rose on the wooden table. For some reason, that painting catches my eye every time I am in that house. It's the most gorgeous painting I have ever seen.

"You know, Anne, this will always be my favorite one." I told her as I pointed to the large painting over the living room couch around two weeks ago. 

She smiled her signature smile, adjusting the bandana covering her head in the process.

"Do you want to know something?" She grinned.

I nodded.

"That one has always been Ethan's favorite, too. I'm sure he would never tell you, but he used to always compliment me on that specific one, just like you do."

I remember my heart melting, right there in that living room. No matter what happens, the Dolan family will always find a way touch my heart. I feel so fortunate to know them.