Rough Heart | ethan dolan

[thirty eight - the story of ethan's past]

"Don't call me that right now, Ethan. I'm still mad at you." I tell him as he shuts the door behind us.

He adjusts his backpack, shifting uncomfortably on his feet a bit.

He begins to walk in front of me and I follow closely behind him, not even trying to hide my anxiousness. I use this time to try and think of every question I've ever wanted to ask him about his life in New Jersey.

There's so many things I want to know.

He pulls his keys out of his front pocket and unlocks his Range Rover, then proceeds to open the back door and throw his backpack in. He ignores me and climbs into the drivers seat.

I scoff as I copy his action and throw my backpack in the back seat.

When I am finally in the passenger seat, he remains silent. I impatiently tap my finger on my thigh.

I wonder how this is going to start.

"Where do you want to go, Jess?"

I shift in my seat to face him, but he doesn't move.

"I don't care."

He bites his lower lip, and I notice his hand grip tighter on the wheel.

"Listen, Jess," he sighs, "you might as well pick a place for us to go because I know after I tell you everything you won't want to talk to me again."

I gulp unexpectedly, but he doesn't notice. His tone is harsh and his words come out rushed, only spooking me further.

"Don't say something like that, Ethan."

"It's the truth."

The car falls silent again, and instead of being anxious for what's to come, I am now scared.

"We can go to the creek, if you want. Where we went kayaking," I say the first place that comes to my mind.

Without saying a word, he starts the car, and exits the school parking lot.

-

"We can sit here. Lilly and I used to always sit here," I point to a large rock on the side of the creek.

Whenever Lilly and I would come here, this rock would always be our "spot." We've had so many talks on this rock. I have a feeling the talk that Ethan and I are about to have won't be as good as Lilly and I's.

I step up and sit on the edge of it, glancing out to watch the creek in front of us. It's moving quite slow today.

Ethan hesitantly sits beside me. Our feet dangle over the edge of the large rock.

I guess this is it. I'm finally about to know.

I watch him closely as he bites his lip again, then takes a few deep breaths. His actions make me even more nervous.

"What do you want to know?" I am surprised when he finally speaks.

"Everything."

"From the beginning?"

"Sure."

He sighs.

"This isn't easy for me, Jess." He admits.

He looks up to meet my eyes.