Rough Heart | ethan dolan

[forty eight - samantha spills]

October passes by quicker than it arrived. This month has easily been one of the strangest, to say the least.

For starters, Sarah and Charlie are back together. As I had expected.

Sarah has yet to talk to Lilly or I about anything. I don't think she talks to anyone but Charlie, actually. It doesn't really bother me as much as I thought it would, but it seems to bother Lilly. She was a bit closer to Sarah than I was, so I know she is just worried about her.

Honestly, I am not worried about Sarah at all. She has done all of this to herself. She has not only excluded herself away from her friends and only to Charlie, but she hasn't even explained herself to Lilly or anyone. It's just a bit odd. She has to know that we don't exactly support the situation.

Then again, that's probably exactly why she doesn't come to us. She doesn't want us to tell her what she doesn't want to hear.

As for Charlie and I's deal, both of us kept our word. Nobody but him and I know about Ethan going to his house and I haven't said anything, or even talked at all, to Sarah. I respect him for keeping his part of the bargain.

The only interaction I have with Charlie or Sarah is when I see them together in the hallways and make awkward eye contact with them.

On another note, Amy has stopped having her Friday/Saturday night bonfire parties. Not that I went to most of them anyways, but it is somewhat upsetting. It's truly the end of an era.

Lilly, on the other hand, was devastated. She lived for those parties.

As to why Amy stopped having them, nobody really knows for sure. I tried to bring it up to her in our first period one time but she didn't really say much about it. Lilly thinks it's because her parents wouldn't allow them anymore.

Grayson and Ethan's football season ended last week. They seem happy to be finished with it, but a bit sad at the same time. I think football helped Ethan cope with a lot of different things, so I'm glad he did it.

Throughout the past couple of weeks, I have also seen Robert's son, Locke, in the front office a lot. I've mentioned it to Grayson, and we've come to the conclusion that he could always be up there for one of three different reasons:

1. He gets in trouble a lot, and is in the office to see the principal.

2. He gets sick a lot, and is in the office to see the nurse.

Or, 3. He is always in the office to talk to the school's guidance counselor. 

Seeing him up there so much has reminded me of the one time Grayson and I talked to Principal Carter about removing Ethan's expulsion. I realize that he was up there during that, as well. A mental image flashes in my mind of him sitting in one of the many waiting chairs in the front of the office.

Grayson and I keep meaning to talk to Robert about it, but him and Anne have been so busy planning the wedding, of course.

Which, by the way, they have finished. All that is left to do is for Anne and Robert to set a date and venue. As of now, Anne wants to have the wedding at the end of December. She even mentioned having the wedding back in New Jersey, so that she could see it just one last time before she passes. 

It hurts every time when I remember her bucket list. I secretly hope she decides to have it in New Jersey, so that she is able to fulfill just one more item on her list.

And, I'm not going to lie, I would love to see where Ethan grew up, too. I imagine him taking me to all of his favorite locations, us eating at his favorite restaurants, and just him and I running around through the streets of New Jersey- Ethan leading the way.