Rough Heart | ethan dolan

[twenty seven - "hell"coming pt.3]

I wish I was the type of person who could attack her back.

I wish I had the confidence to walk over to her and tear her down with words the way she does me, or even give her pretty little face the smack it deserves.

I just wish I could make her feel half of the pain she's made me feel.

But I'm not that type of person. At all.

So, instead, I watch as she opens the doors to the school and walks through them as if she hadn't just completely demolished my entire night.

I have no idea what to think. I'm so, so upset, but I am also wondering whether or not the things she said were true. She has known him her entire life, which is the only reason I am considering believing her.

I knew what I was entering myself into when I first started talking to Ethan. I knew it wouldn't be easy, and I knew he would be different than any other guy. I knew that he didn't really "date" other girls before me and that I should be careful.

However, it's still hard to hear everything that came out of Samantha's mouth.

I want to know all about Kara. I know it's none of my business, but I want to know Ethan's side of the story. There's no way he completely "fucked her over." I'm not buying it- especially from Samantha.

Is Ethan really the "manwhore" Samantha made him out to be? I know that he's been with plenty of girls and that he isn't necessarily the greatest person when it comes to kindness and consideration, but is it really as bad as Samantha makes it seem?

I have so many questions.

Is Ethan really just using me for sex? Is he going to drop me right after he gets what he wants?

The thought makes me sick to my stomach. Especially since I have never done... it, before, and he's done it plenty of times.

Despite my desperate attempts to shake the horrific thoughts from my clouded mind, they linger and seem to cause me more pain by the second.

The limo we arrived in pulls up to the curb, and I have to force my legs to move after standing still for so long. I hadn't even noticed the tears rolling down my cheeks until I am seated towards the back of the limo.

"Everything alright, ma'am?" The driver peeks his head through the small window connecting to the back of the limo.

"Yes." I lie.

The driver shakes his head, detecting my blatant fib.

"Can I take you somewhere on the way home? What about stopping for some ice cream? Ice cream makes everything better."

His comment causes me to stifle a laugh through my tears, and the driver smiles back at me.

"As tempting as that sounds, I don't think tonight is a good night. Thank you, though."

He nods understandingly.

"Let me know if you change your mind."

A few more minutes go by until I finally spot Ethan walking out of the school. I take a deep breath as he nears the car.

For some reason I jump when he opens the car door.

"Hey, sorry it took me awhile. I couldn't find Grayson. He said he could just find a ride home with someone."

He scoots closer to me and I shiver unintentionally.

"Jess? Are you okay?"

His hand rises up to my chin and he moves my face so I am looking at him. His face immediately drops.