Rough Heart | ethan dolan

[eighteen - shhh, i'm sleeping]

I almost gasp when I look over to the clock on Ethan's bedside table and see that it's almost ten o'clock. My mom is going to kill me, especially since it's a school night.

Tonight has easily been one of the best nights I have ever had. Ethan finally opened up to me, and we've spent the last couple hours lying here on his bed, snuggling, kissing, and just talking about how everything has led up to this. Feeling the warmth of his body next to mine has now become my favorite feeling in the world. I could lie here next to him, my head resting on his chest, and listen to his deep, raspy voice for hours and hours. 

We also talked about Sarah and Charlie tonight. I told him that Charlie has always been a pretty good guy and has always been good to Sarah, despite his recent downfall. I talked to Ethan about how I wish things would not have ended the way they did with Sarah and Charlie, and how bad I feel for her.

"I feel bad for her too. She seems like a nice girl." Was Ethan's reply. His simple response was enough to warm my heart. 

I also went out on a limb and asked Ethan about Robert.

"So, what do you think of Robert?" I remained completely still as I waited for his answer.

He shrugged against me. 

"It's a good thing that he makes your mom really happy." I quickly added.

"Yeah, I guess."

I decided not to push it any further for the time being, and suggested we watch a movie. 

My last moments laying in Ethan's arms on his bed are spent with me thinking about what is next. Will he actually talk to me at school now, or will he try to act like none of this even happened? The thought makes me sick.

He said he wanted to be with me, so hopefully he shows it.

I try to shake the negative thoughts out of my mind and focus on the random Netflix movie Ethan popped on the screen. Then, I remember the time.

I don't want to leave. Especially when his arms are wrapped firmly around me, and my head is leant against his chest, and I can hear the soft, rhythmic beat of his troubled heart. I don't want to even move.

"Ethan, I should probably head home now, so my mom isn't too mad at me."

I look up to see his eyes shut closed, and his mouth slightly agape. He's had a long day, no wonder he fell asleep.

I try my best to slip out of his firm grip and stand up from the bed without waking him. I cringe when the hardwood floor creaks from under me once I finally slide out of the bed, but recover when I notice Ethan didn't react. I tip-toe towards his bedroom door, and look back once more when I reach it. His eyes slowly open.

"Are you leaving?" 

"Yeah, it's getting late." 

He looks around for a moment, trying to collect the scene around him. 

"Okay. I'll see you at school."

"Yeah, if you actually show up,"

"Shhh, I'm sleeping."

He jokingly turns over on his side and snores obnoxiously. I roll my eyes and laugh at him.

"Sweet dreams, idiot." I whisper before opening the door.

"Wait, Jess!" I hear him from behind me.

I turn on my heel and face him.

His incredibly good-looking, messy bed hair is making my knees go weak. Not to mention his deep, sleepy voice sounds like music from heaven.