Rough Heart | ethan dolan

[twenty one - football tryouts & finding another note]

I suddenly feel good after saying a final goodbye to Ethan and smile to myself as I walk down the long driveway of the Dolan house and over to my car.
I really appreciate Ethan taking the time to reassure me that there is nothing between him and Samantha. I guess I really need to work on not getting so jealous. He chooses me over her.
I smile to myself again.
As I reach out to grab the handle of my car door, I hear quick footsteps behind me. I expect to turn around and see Ethan or even Grayson.
I almost laugh when Samantha appears in front of me, her long hair swung over shoulders and her short skirt slightly wavering as she walks.
She comes to a sudden stop directly in front of me and huffs as she crosses her arms over her chest. This better be good.
She looks around us before talking, as if she's checking to see if anyone's watching or not.
"Listen, I didn't mean to be a total bitch earlier. I tend to do that sometimes, and I am... sorry."
She struggles to say the last word.
I have to admit, I am surprised. There's no way she's being completely sincere, though. A bitch this... bitch-y is never completely sincere.
I am surprised again when she continues to talk.
"I guess I'm just sort of... protective, over Ethan. I've just known him my entire life and we've always been really good friends and all, and I just... I don't know. I guess it's weird to see him actually like someone for once."
What's that supposed to mean? Does Ethan act different about me than he has about other girls?
Samantha looks to the side, and I know it's because she doesn't want to look me in the eyes as she does this.
"You didn't have to be so mean, though." I finally say.
She shrugs.
"I know,"
"But, um, I do appreciate you apologizing. Thanks, I guess."
Samantha smiles slightly.
"While I have you here, though, I do have to warn you. Enjoy him while you can. Enjoy every little thing about that him because he doesn't last long with anyone. Trust me."
She looks me in the eyes this time, making sure I heard every word. I knew she wasn't just apologizing.
I don't know what to think.
Deep down, I know she's probably right, and the thought terrifies me. She has known him forever and if anyone would know Ethan and how he works, it would be her.
However, she could just be trying to scare me off or something. I still don't trust her.
"Well, thanks for the warning, but Ethan and I's relationship is absolutely none of your business."
I turn on my heel in front of her and open my car door. I ignore her as she tries to say something else and climb into my car and slam the door.
Samantha signals for me to roll the window down and I hesitate, but finally give in.
"You know I'm right, Jessica. Just keep it in mind," she smugly smiles before finally whipping her long hair behind her shoulders and trotting off down the long driveway.
My thoughts are flooded and dark as I drive home, and I can't seem to get Samantha's words out of my mind.
-
"Hey," I smile when I see Lilly in the lunchroom.
"Oh my gosh, Jess. Have you ever had a long week, and then realize it's only Wednesday?"
I laugh at Lilly as I slip into the seat next to her.
"All the time."
"I have like an endless amount of assignments to do, and I have no idea how I'm going to get them all done." Lilly collapses onto the table in front of us, dramatically throwing her hands into the air beside her.
I see Grayson walking towards us and he laughs when he sees Lilly on the table.
"Is she okay?" He asks as he sits across from us.
"No, not really. She's drowning in the amount of work she has to get done, yet she still continues to procrastinate and not start on any of it."
"It's true." Lilly mumbles from the table, groaning afterwards.
Grayson and I laugh.
"I hope everything works out for you, Lilly." Grayson jokingly reaches over to pat her lightly on the back.
"Jess, have you seen Ethan today?" Grayson then asks me.
"Yeah, in first period, but we never got the chance to talk. We had like three assignments today."
I was somewhat disappointed when Ethan didn't even try to annoy me today and he actually did his work. It was weird.
"Well, he won't agree to do the football tryout with me this afternoon. He says there's no way I can get him to do it." He sighs.
"What? Why wouldn't he want to do it?"
I haven't really gotten the chance to talk to Ethan about it but I make a mental note to do so as soon as possible. I wish I would've remembered this morning about their tryout but it completely slipped my mind.
"I don't know, he loves football. In New Jersey we had the most fun on our team, and he's so, so good at it."
I suddenly have a picture in my mind of Ethan in a football uniform, all hot and sweaty and muscular and I have to swallow a couple times to regain my focus.
"Our team is really good, too. That's weird that he doesn't want to do it."
"It's like he never wants to do anything anymore, just to piss me off." Grayson sighs.
Lilly suddenly raises her head off the table and returns to a normal seated position.
"Just force him to do it, then. Say you'll beat his ass if he doesn't." Lilly suggests.
"Wow, great advice!" I say, placing my hand on her shoulder.
"Thanks, I'm good at advice," she giggles, "where is Ethan, anyway?"
"He always skips and leaves to get lunch, he never eats here." Grayson replies.
So that's why he's never at lunch... I've always meant to ask him.
"Does he ever get caught?" Lilly asks.
"Yeah." Grayson laughs.
I shake my head.
"Typical Ethan."
Grayson nods, popping a French fry from his lunch tray into his mouth.
-
The bell rings, and I wave to Lilly as I exit the lunchroom and walk towards my fifth period class. I take the long hallway, hoping to run into Ethan along the way.
I look up from my books to see Locke across the hall, and I smile and wave to him immediately.
He furrows his brows as if he doesn't know who I am at first, then forces a small, last minute smile at me before turning into a classroom.
I wonder why he's so shy; Grayson and I have been nothing but nice to him. Is it because he's a junior, and we're seniors?
Surely not, that would be silly.
I shake it off and continue to walk down the hallway. Oddly enough, I laugh when I see Ethan walking in from one of the hidden side doors.
That sneaky, little...
"Jess," he says when he looks up to see me.
"Ethan, were you skipping?" I teasingly ask, knowing the answer.
He wears a simple sweatshirt today, but somehow manages to look so good in it. His hair is slightly messy, probably from rushing to try and make it back in time.
I love his messy hair.
"Uh, maybe..." He cheekily smiles at me.
I swat his shoulder.
"Ethan! You can't keep skipping all the time!"
"Yeah, yeah."
We turn and walk down the hallway, side by side.
"Seriously! You're going to get in serious trouble,"
A second bell rings, signaling that there is one minute until fifth period begins. I realize I have to hurry and talk to Ethan if I'm going to make it to class on time.
"We can talk about that later, but I saw Grayson at lunch. And you need to do that football tryout with him."
Ethan scoffs, stopping in his tracks.
"Jess, why?"
"Because you love football, and it would be fun for you, and our team is really good."
"How do you know that I love football?" He raises a brow at me.
"We don't have time for this now, just, please. Please do the tryout with him."
He sighs.
"Ugh," he grunts as he leans against the wall.
The hallway is now mostly empty, everyone already in their fifth period classes.
"Okay, okay. I have to go, we're going to be late-"
"And?"
"Anddd, unlike you, some people actually care about their grades and not getting into trouble."
Ethan rolls his eyes.
I take a quick second to admire him. He looks so good without even trying a single bit. I wish I had the nerve to just skip school all the time with him.
"Bye, Ethan," I turn on my heel and am about to rush off to my class, but I'm caught off guard when Ethan grabs my arm and turns me around again.
He wraps his arms around my waist and swiftly pulls me against him, suddenly crashing his lips onto mine for a short kiss.
"Bye, Jess," he breathes into my ear, sending shivers down my spine as he backs away and casually walks off, disappearing down the hall.
I can't help but smile, and I breathe heavily as I literally run off to make it to my fifth period on time.
-
Lilly and I walk out of school together, and she rants about yet another assignment she has to do but doesn't want to.
"She can't just assign all of this in one night! I mean, this is like a week's worth of work!" She complains to me as we walk over to my car.
"Life is just so hard, huh?"
"Yes! It's terrible!" She yells.
We both climb into my car and Lilly plays some weird song from her phone as we pull out of the school parking lot.
"What the hell type of music do you listen to?" I jokingly ask her.
"My music taste is better than yours, shut up."
We both laugh.
"No way."
Lilly continues to talk about how the one song she is playing is better than every song on my playlist combined as we drive down the road in front of our school.
As we pass the football stadium, which is right next to the school, I notice a few people in the middle of the field.
I pull into the stadium parking lot, wanting to confirm the sight I hope I'm seeing.
"What are we doing?" Lilly asks.
"Look," I point towards the field.
I pull closer to the field and my heart feels as if it has bursted.
I watch as Grayson and Ethan listen closely to the football coach, and do a certain practice drill that involves running around a few cones and then throwing the football.
Ethan did it. Ethan decided to do the tryout with Grayson.
"Jessica, he did it!" Lilly exclaims, clapping her hands together a few times.
I smile at her.
"He did." I look to Lilly, and then the field again, still not believing the sight.
-
After hanging at Lilly's house for a bit, I received a text from Ethan asking me to come over. I told Lilly I would talk to her later, and she rushed me out the door, trying to fix my hair and apply extra makeup on my face as we walked. I laughed at her attempt to, as she put it, "spice me up" for Ethan.
I pull into the now very familiar driveway, and walk up to the door of Ethan's house.
Anne answers the door and I feel so happy to see her.
She immediately engulfs me into one of her famous hugs.
"It's good to see you, Jessica!"
"You too."
She pulls away slightly and opens the door wider for me to walk in. I notice Robert on the couch in the front living room watching some sports channel on the TV. He turns around to see me.
"Hi Robert," I wave and smile.
"Hey, Jessica!" He returns a warm smile.
Anne scrunches her nose and smiles at me.
"Jessica, I hope you're staying for dinner because I'm making pasta tonight. The boys love my pasta,"
I laugh at Anne.
She reminds me so much of sunshine; she brightens up any room she's in.
"That sounds great." I giggle.
"Well, Ethan's upstairs. He'll probably be mad that I answered the door for him,"
I smile as I walk towards the stairs.
"Oh, Jessica, have you talked to Locke at all?"
Robert turns around at the mentioning of his son, and I suddenly feel under some type of pressure.
"Yeah, Grayson and I have talked to him a bit. He's very nice!" I say, not knowing anything else to tell them.
"Thank you so much for talking to him, it means a lot to me." Robert says from the couch.
"No problem," I smile at him.
Robert and Anne are both so nice. I like them so much together.
Anne announces that she's going back to the kitchen to continue cooking her pasta, and I walk up the large stairs and over to Ethan's bedroom.
I lightly knock on the open door, getting his attention from his desk.
He shoots up to see me, and shoves the paper he was writing on in the desk drawer.
"Hey," he smiles at me.
He seems to be so... happy lately, and I am loving it.
He stands up from his chair and walks over to me at the doorway. I am surprised when he leans down to peck me on the lips.
A familiar warmth rushes through my chest.
"You did the tryout."
"Yeah, how'd you know?" he smiles.
"Lilly and I saw you guys on the field as we were leaving school."
He leans against the door next to me and looks down towards the ground.
"Ethan," I reach over to tilt his chin up, "thank you."
His eyes look so innocent for a moment, the brown in them sparkling.
"Thank you for making me do it."
"I didn't make you do anything. That was all you."
He smiles again.
-
"I have told her so many times to let me get the damn door when I invite someone over!" Ethan yells about his mom, fighting back laughter.
"Ethan! It's not that big of a deal," I giggle.
"She does it every time!" Now we're both laughing.
"Oh my god." I jokingly hide my face in my hands.
"Wait here. I'm going to go talk to her about this!"
"Ethan! Do not,"
"Kidding. But I am going to see when the pasta will be ready, I'm starving."
We both laugh again as he exits the bedroom.
I cannot believe how far Ethan and I have came. Looking at where we are now compared to even just a week ago, I'm amazed.
He is in such a good mood today and I love it. He's so great and funny and such an amazing person when he wants to be.
Samantha's words from last night suddenly rush into my head, and my thoughts suddenly shift.
What if he laughs and goofs around like this when he's with her?
The thought of her getting to see this side of him breaks the seal of my jealousy I was trying so hard to hide. I want to be the only one to get to see the side of Ethan who messes around, makes stupid jokes, and kisses me every chance he gets.
I look over to Ethan's desk, then to his desk drawer. I wonder what he was writing on that sheet of paper when I first arrived.
No, Jessica. Whatever it is, it's none of your business.
There's no reason I need to see what he was writing, besides my curiosity.
What if he was writing something about Samantha?
I suddenly find myself next to his desk, looking at the drawer. I remember the first time I read something he wrote, and I wondered if it was me he was writing about. I open the drawer slowly, and look to see several pages scattered about, completely full of writing. I remember when Grayson told me that he believed I was the reason Ethan had begun writing again.
I reach into the drawer and grab the paper I saw Ethan writing on, and read the scribbled words.

I truly believe that everyone is granted a miracle in their life-whether it be small or large. I believe that somewhere along the way, everyone comes to a point at which they feel as if they cannot continue. They feel like nothing is worth it and that everything they have ever done was all for no reason at all. Some might say they have even given up.
Then, out of nowhere, there it is. Their miracle.
Life suddenly becomes worth it again and everything feels as if it has led them to this certain point-this incredible point in their life with their amazing miracle. And just like that, they feel whole again.

Perhaps she is my miracle.

I gasp when I read the final sentence.
-
i know, i know.
i am so sorry i haven't updated in so long. i've had the craziest month of my life, with barely any time at all to write.
to start off, my birthday was in october.
and then i tore my ACL playing soccer, and then i had surgery on it a couple weeks later, and then i had so much work to make up because i had missed so much school from the surgery, and then my laptop broke and i couldn't write at all, and then i got it fixed, and, now, i am finally back.
all excuses aside, i truly am sorry it has been so long and hope you all can understand. it's been so nice to see how many of you have commented on the last chapter wondering when the next update will be, though! i had no idea so many of you are enjoying this book and all your votes and comments push me to write more.
so, thank you. thank you so much for reading and commenting and voting!
-totallycameron (: