Rough Heart | ethan dolan

[thirty four - E&G's birthday party pt.2]

Ethan's POV-

Fuck.

You've got to be fucking kidding me.

I am too afraid to turn back to Jess to see her expression. I don't even want to know what she's thinking right now; probably that I was apart of some freak show back in New Jersey or some shit.

It feels so weird that my old friends are here. I haven't seen them in what feels like forever. I feel like so much has happened since New Jersey.

For the first time since we've made the huge move, I truly realize how much I've changed as I stare at my past at the bottom of the stairs.

Nate, Daniel, Jasmine, and- god, I really wish she wasn't here- Kara, as much as they all were my "best friends," they were apart of my life that I look back on with regret. My life was so dark back in New Jersey whenever I remember it.

I suddenly feel incredibly sick. I appreciate my mom's gesture, thinking that she would create some type of New Jersey BFF reunion, but what she has created is far from that. I feel like I don't even know these people anymore.

"Fuck," I can't help but mutter under my breath when it hits me that I'll have to explain the whole Kara story to Jess earlier than I had wanted to.

Fuck, what is she going to think of me?

The amount of times the word "fuck" continues to repeat itself in my mind as I finally collect myself and my rapid thoughts and walk down the stairs to face my... best friends, should be illegal.

I don't know how to act, or what to say, as I reach the bottom of the stairs.

"Brooo," Nate starts, pulling me into some awkward form of a hug. We pat each other's backs firmly a few times.

Nate was always worse than me. Sure, I smoked a shit ton and hooked up with a few too many girls, but Nate... he was a whole different story. At least I never drank, or covered my entire fucking body in tattoos and piercings- not that there's anything necessarily wrong with that, it's just not my personal body image ideal.

"What's good, E Dolan? My man!" Daniel yells, becoming a bit too excited as we do our former handshake we have done a thousand times before. I surprise myself by remembering the whole thing.

That's what they always called me back in Jersey... E Dolan.

And Grayson: G Dolan.

"I'll leave you guys to it. Have fun!" My mom smiles widely as she disappears back into the large crowd.

I feel uncomfortable as soon as she walks away.

"Hey you, it's been too long!" Jasmine smiles at me.

I force one back at her but can't help the cringe that forms once I glance down at her clothing choices. Honestly, what the fuck? She's always been to one to dress so fucking trashy.

Jess has never worn anything like that.

I look past Jasmine and there she is, the girl who I'm sure Jess and I will talk plenty about later.

Kara.

She approaches me slowly, looking me up and down like a hawk looking at its prey. She shakes her head slightly.