Rough Heart | ethan dolan

[sixteen - love?]

He loves me?

I stand completely still in front of this broken boy, and seem to be unable to move. It doesn't feel like any of this is even real; I feel like I'm in some sort of crazy dream, but the way that Ethan's pain-filled eyes look directly into mine with some sort of need and desperation is enough for me to know for sure that this is reality.

Ethan Dolan, the boy who's father killed himself and who's mother is diagnosed with cancer, the boy who invites trouble upon himself to escape from his own personal conflicts and demons, the boy who seems unfriendly and ill-mannered at first, but is actually a nice and caring boy deep down...

Ethan Dolan, the boy who loves me.

"R-really?" I almost gag as the only pathetic word I can manage to say tumbles out of my mouth.

Ethan shifts back and forth on his heels in front of me.

"Yes."

Before I even realize it, I'm speechless. Completely speechless.

My mouth is open, as if I am about to say something, but nothing comes out. How can he love me? So many things have happened since we've met, and I don't even know if Lilly would approve, or any of my friends for that matter, and I know for a fact my mom wouldn't-

"Jess?" He interrupts my thoughts.

"E-ethan, I-"

"Forget it. I shouldn't have even said anything, I didn't mean it anyways."

I remain standing in the same spot I've been in, and I still can't seem to say a word. What just happened? Why couldn't I have just said that I love him back?

Do I love him back?

Ethan turns around and paces over to his father's tombstone before simply standing directly in front of it and giving it a death glare. His face quickly becomes red and I see his fists clench at his sides. I am scared for what is going to happen next.

I flinch as Ethan's fist collides with his father's tombstone. He then punches it again with his other fist, then again, and again, and again. I can see the blood running down his hands already as he soon begins to kick the solid grave.

"This is all your fault, you fucking sorry excuse for a father!" I watch as Ethan yells at the tombstone in front of him.

"You weren't ever around to teach me how to act, or what to do, or what to even fucking say!" Ethan continues to attack the stone.

"Ethan, please stop!" I am surprised when something actually comes out of my mouth.

"Get the hell out of here, Jess! Leave!" He turns around and points his bloody finger at me.

Ethan's look is something I've never seen before in my life. His eyes hold nothing but pure evil and anger in them. His jaw is clenched, and his eyebrows are furrowed. I know for a fact that I need to simply listen to him and leave. Even if I wanted to stay, I couldn't, and Ethan has made that completely clear.

Without another word, I turn on my heel and begin making my way back to Grayson's car. My feet move themselves one by one, but then move faster and faster, and I am halfway there when I realize that I am running. I am literally running away from Ethan. I should have known something like this would happen sooner or later. I don't even know what to think about all of this.

A wave of relief flows through me when I see Grayson in his car. I open the passenger door and slide in, soon letting out a huge breath I didn't even realize I was holding.

"You need to go help him, Grayson," I try to catch my breath for the second time today, "he keeps punching and kicking your dad's tombstone, and it's all my fault."