Rough Heart | ethan dolan

[thirty seven - time to explain]

Ethan's POV-

As I walk back to the house, I realize the party is completely over. Not one person remains.

I see my mom in the distance, picking a few red solo cups off the ground and tossing them into the bin next to her. Music is still playing lightly on the surround system.

Grayson walks ahead of me, rushing over to help our mom clean up. He's such a suck-up. I don't feel like dealing with that right now.

This entire night has been a fucking disaster. I can't believe Nate talked me into smoking weed again.

Maybe I haven't changed so much since Jersey after all.

The thought of what Jess is thinking about or doing right now makes my head spin. I don't know what to fucking do. I've never had to deal with any of this because I've always chosen not to. I've never wanted a girlfriend.

That's why I dropped Kara.

I can't fuck up what I have with Jess. She's made me feel things I've never felt before. I feel like I'm whole when I'm with her.

Then again, I'm so fucking lost. I don't know where to go from here. Does she want me to go and apologize? Or do I give her space, and wait until she talks to me first?

Fucking shit.

I would ask Grayson what to do, since he dated Elena back in New Jersey for like two years, but I know he would just rub my situation in my face, and correct me on what I did wrong and what I could've done better and I'm honestly not in the mood for that at all right now.

I love my brother. I really do. But I just wish he would loosen up a bit sometimes. Everything he does is for other people.

My inner thought is only further proven as I watch Grayson tell our mom to go inside and rest and that he'll finish cleaning up.

I roll my eyes as I finally reach the house, kicking a red solo cup back and forth with my feet.

"Are you sure, sweetheart?" Mom smiles, always appreciating her golden child.

"Yes. Go to bed, mom! It's late!" Grayson giggles like a kid.

I lean against the wall, watching their interaction.

"Thank you for everything, mom. It was a really fun party,"

"Oh, well, I really hoped it would be. I know I had fun!" Mom's smile grows.

Grayson grabs a couple cups from our mom's hands and tosses them into the trash bin behind him.

"Did you have fun, Ethan?" Mom turns to me.

I stay silent for a moment.

Then I glance over to see Grayson shooting me a look, and I know I have to say something.

"Yeah."

He continues to glare at me.

"Good. Well, let's talk more in the morning, okay? I love you both very, very much," she says, opening the patio door.

"Sounds good, mom. Love you too," Grayson replies.

My head hurts too much right now for me to continue this conversation.

Mom disappears into the house and Grayson immediately rushes over to me once the door slams closed.

"Still too cool to say 'I love you' back to our dying mom?"