What you know (Hamilton cast)

Forty-five

Kelseys POV (wow it's been a while)
I wake up back up before my body finally falls completely asleep. The pain shoots through my arm, centered in my wrist but shocking my hand and forearm. My eyes shut, trying to trap the tears and delay the sobs that follow. I try to keep the sobs silent but it hurts to. It feels like there in a lion trying to escape my chest but I can't make a noise. The pain comes in waves like this. Well, the extreme pain. I can't begin to explain how painful it was. I cut it in the sink, but the pills didn't work quickly and I was stuck crying in the worst pain in my life, on the bathroom floor. Now I am still in pain. Not as much, but still a shit ton. I want someone to hug me and tell me that it will go away but no one is close enough to me to do that, right?

"Shit, Kelsey." I hear Lin say, pushing the door the rest of the way open. He saw me crying. He flicks on the lamp next to me. I sit up and he gives me the pills and some water.

"Why didn't you ask for anything."

"You were asleep." I say as he helps me lay back down.

"Well, wake me up."

"You could just-"

"I'm not putting it anywhere that you could get it so don't try." I sigh. "You okay?" I nod.

"I'll be okay."

"Want me to stay until the meds kick in?"

"I'll be fine. You can go back to sleep." He ignores me and picks up a book on the nightstand. I lean against the wall next to me, looking at my wrist, fighting tears. He glances up every two minutes for ten minutes but I don't look him in the eye. I fight against showing my pain but he notices anyways.

"Go to bed." I say, getting frustrated. "Please, Lin."

"This book is good, though."

"You have to perform! Go to bed." He sighs and shuts it.

"Goodnight. If you need anything, text me."

"I won't. Goodnight."

"See you in three hours." I laugh.

"Okay." I flop back and grab my phone, going on twitter to distract myself. Lin must have filmed me singing because there is a video, about ten seconds long, that I'm tagged in.

Lilly24601: I heard about what happened. If it's true, I hope you get better Kelsey!

Andrewisthename01: @lilly24601 what happened?

Lilly didn't answer him but there is some stuff floating around but no one knows for sure. I'm just tagged in questions about why I am no longer performing.

I get a message from Jackson.

J: you up again?

K: yeah. Why are you?

J: fire down the road

K: oh is everyone okay?

J: yeah, i think. It was a small fire. The sirens woke everyone up so that's why. You?

K: pain again.

J: did you take your medicine?

K: yeah, lin gave me it twenty minutes ago. It'll kick in soon.

J: you gonna tell him about me?

K: as soon as I'm allowed somewhat out of sight for more than 15 minutes. Then again, he might not let me out if sight again

J: haha. I miss you. Text in the morning?

K: i miss you too. Sorry again about attempting suicide on you and all. Sure ttyl

I don't check his reply because I fall asleep, despite the pain in my wrist.
-
"Hey. Hey. Kelsey." Lin pokes my arm. "Kelsey." I'm sitting watching Chuggington with Seb on one side and Lin on the other. "Kels."

"Oh my god, what?"

"Who's Jackson?"

"No." I say, looking back to the screen.

"Kelsey." He pokes me again. I return it with a light push. He pokes me. "Who's Jackson?"

"Oh, I just want my freedom back again." I say, snatching my phone up as he reaches for it.

"You lost that. Who's Jackson?"

"A guy I know."

"Where from?"

"Physical therapy. We're friends. I told you about him once when you asked."

"That was Jackson?"

"Yes."

"Do you like him?"

"I thought you were a dad. Not a teenage girl."

"I'm both."

"Okay, so what if I like him? What difference does that make?"

"A huge one. Yay. But don't move to fast if you see him after we start letting you go- does he know what happened? How long exactly have you known him and did he know anything about what was going on or Nick-" Sebastian lifts his head off my leg. And makes a '"shh" noise at Lin.

"Kids picking stuff up."

"Yeah. I swear he rolled his eyes yesterday. I blame you." I laugh and turn back to the screen.