What you know (Hamilton cast)

Eighty

"I can't believe you had sex with him!"

"Thanks, Jess. The entire bus now knows." I exaggerate.

"But Kelsey! You knew you were leaving. You were supposed to break it off."

"To take a break. And we are."

"And when Lin finds out?"

"He's not gonna. And don't you dare tell him."

"The deal was, he knows what's gong on."

"Nothing is going on. It's not worth it."

"Fine." She says, turning back. I look out the window until I see the reflection of her phone screen in the window and glance back.

"Jessica." I grab her phone but she's already pressed send. She takes her phone back as the bus comes to a stop.

My phone buzzes.

Lin: what the hell, kelsey?

Kelsey: im sorry!!!!

Lin: are you okay

Kelsey: here we go again. Im fine!

I put my phone away, not okay with talking about this, and go into the bathroom before meeting Jess to get muffins for our dinner. She's a ballerina but she says she can't resist it. I laugh and eat half of mine before going to sleep.
-
"My best friend ran out of her boyfriend." Little me sings. I look at Jess immediately, knowing why she put her earbud in my ear.

"Where did you find this?" She laughs.

"That one show that we did together."

"I was fourteen." I say, leaning over her shoulder.

"Someone posted it." She says as I see the video of the show, luckily of the full stage and blurry. "I didn't even know it was taped." It's unsettling, seeing a video of myself in such a hard time in my life.

"As much as I wanna see you performing, I don't think I can watch this." I say, feeling sick. "I'll listen." I look back ahead, hearing my voice and waiting for her part.

We finally arrive and I try to shake everything off. I  throw up in the bathroom.

"Are you sick?"

"I'm fine."

"You just threw up."

"And now I feel so much better." I say before washing my mouth.

The hotel room is small because we didn't want to spend too much money, but it's not bad. After a short nap, we go down on the path by the water and walk and talk for a while, eating Caramels from the store.

"Salad for dinner." She says, eating her second square.

"Me too."

"No way. You need this." The sun starts to go down and we sit in a deck for a while. I live the city but going from one to another in a little exhausting. I need to be away for a while. I'm starting to realize how daunting moving to another city is, but I ignore it. Or try to.

"Don't worry. I'll be there next month." Jess reminds me, seeing it on my face.

"For two weeks. And we'll both be performing.

"Not always." I kick my legs that dangle off the edge of the dock. I don't want to say anything to annoy her, but I did listen to her boy problems for like three hours on the way here and she asked me several questions that I never answered.

"What if they don't like me. Then I'm alone in the city. I don't know anyone."

"Okay, first of all, they already like you."

"They've met me like twice. And many if them only once."

"They like you. And Kelly moved there two years ago. You still email. Tell her your in the city." Kelly used to dance with us. We email less frequently than we used to, but still do. "Don't worry, Kelsey. You'll be okay. You've always been."

"Thanks." I say, standing. She follows me back to the walkway and we make our way to a restaurant and get salads, even though she wants me to get more. I'm a bit too nervous.

"Hey, look at it this way. You care about your life now."

"I guess it does mean that."

"Come on. Let's go back. I'm tired."