What you know (Hamilton cast)

Sixty-five

Lins POV
"Kelsey, you're not eating again." I say, following her into her room. She's never called it her room or home. I recently noticed that. She doesn't respond of course and I look at the bag on the floor in the corner. "You don't fit into those, still." She glances up at me and then back down at what she is organizing. "And you're doing too much, again." But this time, she looks numb. Before, she found joy in things. Now she is busy doing god knows what and looks emotionless all day. I'm worried but she keeps pushing us away more each time we express it.

Carleigh finally broke her. Well, she was there when she broke. I want to be there and be trusted. I'm spoiled with what I have seen of her. I've seen more of her past than anyone and I'm not satisfied. I want to know what goes on in her mind. What she refuses to tell the world.

What will send her over the edge without hurting her?

How can we learn how to save her?
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Kelsey's POV
Jackson takes my hand, his thumb gliding over mine repetitively as he leans in, kissing me on the lips for a considerable amount of time. I push away my past. I lock it back in it's box that it was all released from and push it to the very bottom of me without any of the trouble that I had before.

The movie plays in the background, quietly as he leans forward and I lean back so that he hovers over me.

"We've never watched a movie and not ended up like this." He comments. We've never gone further though. I'm worried because Carleigh is coming to get me after the show and always knows when something is up with me.

I've been here a few times. The last two times watching a movie. I like him more each time we're together. The spark grows each time I have hope that it will grow to much more.

I smile and nod at his comment. I glance at the clock but it must have been unplugged or something because it's blank. His hands travel to my waist and my worry goes away as my shirt is pulled up to my neck, revealing my small bra.

"We gotta get some food in you." He says, taking some popcorn from the table and putting a pieces in my mouth. I swallow it, lightly laughing. He puts another on my lips but eats it off of them before returning to kiss me, my legs on each side of his body and arms around his neck, his hands traveling my torso igniting a foreign flame in me that I never got with other hands traveled my body. He gets lower and tugs on my pants as I begin to unbuckle his belt, returning to kissing.

We are interrupted by two knocks and the door opening immediately after. "Oh God!" Carleigh exclaims turning around and walking out of the apartment. I slide myself out from under him as he sits back, pulling my shirt down as he adjusts his. "Oh." She says, still processing it. I grab my bad and rush past her, keeping my head down, my face burning up. She follows me down the stairs.

"What was that?" I ignore her and open the door. "Kelsey!" God, I wish they didn't use my name so much. "You said you were friends and then I walk in on that." I turn around and sign don't tell. She understands it.

"I have to tell Lin, Kels. I'm sorry. But I won't go around telling the cast that your hooking up with the guy from physical therapy." I wanna drown myself in alcohol right now. I won't. I hate losing control. I'm just sick of this all. "You're not mad at me, right." I shake my head. "Are you angry or upset?" I shake my head again, trying to convince her that I'm neither as we walk side by side. "Stressed?" I nod. I long to be with Jackson, in his warm embrace. He never asked questions but wanted to know. Sometines that made it easier to tell him. He respected my space and gave me time but never gave up on me. The only time he wouldn't respect those things was when he got worried and he never doubted that people were looking out for me.

He's honest about his life and has funny stories about them but also some sad ones so I get to comfort him to balance it out.

"Sorry I stopped you from having sex. You seemed real good at it. And if would have gotten your mind off of everything." I give her a look of disbelief about what she just said and she laughs. "Okay, sorry. I've just never seen you this embarrassed before." I roll my eyes and look forwards again. Yeah. I'm real good because I was forced to have it throughout my childhood. "Are you alright though?" She says sensitively this time. I nod. "So sex is gonna be okay when you have it with someone who doesn't force it." I shrug, not looking at her. "Kels? I won't let you if it's gonna break you."

"What's left of me to break?" But of course it doesn't come out. I'm just looking at her in silence. Her eyes say that she understands. She knows I am already broken. What's some more damage?