Absolution- Alias Fanfiction

23) Frustration

AN: Here is your tissue WARNING: A portion of this is a deeply emotional chapter. Necessary for understanding, but tragic.

Music for this chapter (on repeat): A Small Measure of Peace by Hans Zimmer, Breathe Me by Sia, Crawling in My Skin by Linkin Park, Malleus Mareficarum by Hans Zimmer, Never Grow Old by TheCranberries

TWENTY-THREE

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*A Small Measure of Peace (Kashmir Theme)*

Irina had only ever seen the images in her mind, not from such a cinematic prospective watching the Kashmir Files on the computer screen. Tears and old feelings immediately exploding to the surface as she watched.

"Mom..." Sydney had just left the break room with the baby and the guys when she saw Irina standing completely still behind an agent, her eyes transfixed on the screen.

The closer Sydney got, she realized what exactly Irina was staring at and she quickened her pace. "Mom." She spoke softly and reached out to grab her arm, noticing the far off look in her mother's eyes and the trails of tears falling from her cheeks.

The other agents, including the one sitting at the desk with the headphones, became alerted to the situation and all stood, eyes on Irina.

"Oh shit...I'm so sorry." The young agent scrambled trying to stop the footage and finally the screen went back, bleeping to the screensaver of the CIA logo.

Irina seemed to snap out of wherever she was and looked around to all the people staring at her, sadness in all their eyes...and then if finally registered, they'd all seen that tape, they all knew what happened to her. With blurry, furious, sad eyes she turned to Sydney, looking at her momentarily before she took Lena and headed for Jack's office, the place of privacy they told her she could feed Lena in.

"Mom, wait!" Sydney tried to catch up with Irina's pace without running, everyone including Kendall, watching the display. "Mom, please," Sydney begged with tears in her eyes as Irina paced the back of Jack's office like a caged lion.

"How many people, Sydney?" Her breathing quickened, "How many people out there have seen those tapes?" She asked already knowing in her heart the answer.

"Everyone." Sydney admitted sadly and Irina slumped into Jack's chair, turning it and refusing to look at her oldest daughter as the tears came more steadily. "They're under orders to scan the prisoners for face recognition." Sydney offered up, feeling very much like a little girl who disappointed her mommy and let her down.

"So they just all sit around, watching me naked...being raped and tortured all day?" Irina's voice was cracking and she spoke barely above a whisper.

"No, Mom." Sydney rushed to her mother's side, kneeling in front of her feet, not knowing what else to say.

"I want to see my file, Sydney...and the tapes. Right now." Irina turned her face away from Sydney, too ashamed to look at her. "I want to see what everyone else has apparently seen."

"Mom..." Sydney's voice quivered, not thinking this was a good idea and wishing her father wasn't locked away right now in the middle of an interrogation.