I've always...

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It was a chilly winter night, Christmas was in two days and I was enjoying break. Cozily I laid beneath layers and layers of blankets. I was waiting for my best friend Matthew to come over. He should have been here at least a hour ago.

To: Matthew 😎

Thanks for ditching me.. 😒

I pressed send closing my eyes tightly. He probably went to that damn party that I wasn't invited too. See I'm not popular like Matt. In fact none of his friends like me except Cameron, Nash, and Carter. But I didn't need people to like me, in fact I could care less.

I was just ready to get up and go upstairs, but my phone began to ring loudly. I groaned looking at the caller ID. It was Carter.

"Hello", I spoke blankly through the phone.

"Kiarra...", Carter's voice shook cracking a bit.

"What's wrong?", I knotted my eyebrows together paying full attention.

"It's Matt... He- got into a car accident", he stuttered across his words as if he couldn't hear what he was saying.

I gulped looking down at the wooden floor in a trance. "What hospital?", I clenched the phone tightly turning my knuckles white.

"Saint Jude's. Hurry up..", he whispered.

I hung up running out the my car. I could care less on what my appearance looked like right now. I needed to see Matthew. I kept telling myself that this is all a dream, that this couldn't be happening.

When I arrived at the hospital family and friends were crowed all over the room. A vibe of depression seemed to come off everyone in the room. I looked to my right where the boys and Matt's parents were talking to the doctors. I rushed over hearing mid-sentence of what the doctor was saying.

"-his lung was punctured by one of his right ribs, air is leaking through and is creating negative pressure space around his lungs", the doctor looked worriedly at his clipboard.

I lightly smiled as Matthew's parents gave me fake grins. Mrs. Espinosa didn't look her normal self, neither did Mr. Espinosa. They both had bloodshot eyes and Mrs. Espinosa's were puffy from crying. I tensed up when someone's cold fingers laced with mine, but it was only Nash.

I rested my head on his shoulder closing my eyes. Any sound was muffled in my ears. "Is he going to make it", I spoke with fear still keeping my eyes shut.

I gulped feeling the doctors eyes on me, I opened my eyes looking at him for a answer. "We don't have much time until one of his lungs collapse. And shortly after the other one collapses too", he paused taking a deep sigh. "I suggest you go say your goodbyes before it's to late", he rubbed his eyes, folding his glasses and putting them in his coat pocket.

I nodded my head sniffling a little. I couldn't cry. I had to be brave when it was time to talk to Matt. "Sweetie it's time for you to go in", Mrs. Espinosa knocked me out of my thoughts.

Was I really day dreaming that long? "I'm ready", I stood up physically ready, just not mentally. I turned the cold brass handle wanting to fall apart at the sight I saw.

Matthew's face was so pale you could see veins underneath his skin. He had various needles and tubes going into his arms. The monitor beeped slowly next to him, reminding me that it soon will go flat. "Hey Kiarra..", a raspy scratchy voice weakly spoke.

Tears glossed the surface of my eyes, I didn't blink because then they would fall down my cheeks. Be brave. "Matthew", I whimpered jogging over to sit down on the bed.

Matt smiled trying to sit up, but couldn't with his injuries. How can he still manage a smile when truthfully he is on his dead bed. "Why? How?", I mumbled into his shirt taking in his scent.

"Well I was coming over your-your house", he huffed out taking a breath before continuing. "You texted me and I decided to look down at my phone...", he stopped looking down at our intertwined hands. "And that's when the truck collided with my car".

I gasped covering my mouth. Tears slid down my cheeks as I shook my head violently. "This is all my fault!", I screeched.

"No, no, no. It's not! Please don't think that", he cooed rubbing his thumb lightly across my cheek.

I grabbed his hand trying to take in this moment. So many memories of happiness and laughter and the last one is us in a hospital bed. "I'm so sorry , this should never have happened."

"It's okay beautiful. I have to tell you something that I should have awhile ago", he coughed loudly.

I cocked my head looking into his brown eyes. They were still filled with joy. I honestly loved him so much. Matt can't die, not now.

"I love you Kiarra. And not just as a friend, but something more. I should have told you earlier because things could have been different. But I was too scared, I never had the guts. You were and are my first and last true love", he slowly said and his eyes began to shut.

"Matt I love you too. You mean so much. Please don't go! You can get better and we can be together. Just don't leave me", I cried hugging him.

"I always...", but he was cut off by the heart monitor dying.

"NO!", I shouted shaking him. Tears poured down my face like a river. "YOU CAN'T GO!"

The door busted open with doctors and nurses rushing around me. Cameron stood up from the chair pulling me away. I kicked and pulled but I was no match for Cam. "Why!?", I whimpered into his shirt as he pulled me into a hug.

"I don't know why bad things happen to good people. But we have to learn to move on and become stronger. Matthew loves you dearly and will always be with you. And me and guys are always here", he spoke softly rubbing circles on my back. I could tell he was trying to hold himself together as well.

I guess we never truly get what we want in life.

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Hope you enjoyed this AyyeeMatt I'm not really good at writing sad stuff!

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