SAVIOR [Kylo Ren]

Feel, Then Let It All Go

Feel, then let it all go.

Ree thought about the instructing words Leia had told her. She sat down and crossed her legs on the damp ground, it had just rained that morning and the late forenoon sun had yet to dry it. Keelor screwed away the multi-tool that was the bottom, revealing a red kyber crystal on a podium. The same crystal she had made bleed on Ilum. All that pain, misery and anger that went into making the crystal bend to her will was now needed to be repaired, forgotten. 

The crystal was taken out of its place, the hilt placed to the side and her hands around the kyber crystal. "Okay, meditation. You've done it before, Ree. Kind of..." Mediation for a Jedi was different than for a Dark-side user. When meditating, the former Commander was used to focusing on raw emotions, such as anger, hate and fear. Now, she had been instructed by Organa to focus on whatever emotions were uppermost in her mind and then, just let it go. Become blank. An empty vessel for the Force to flow through her.

The former Commander closed her eyes. She listened to the sound the rainforest had to offer, the dripping of water and distant birds. Her chosen place of mediation was far away from the Resistance base, both for privacy and for the chance of not having to deal with snarky comments for just a couple of hours.

Surprisingly, the emotion that came to Ree was the lack of emotion, indifference, apathy. Yes, she felt lonely in the Resistance but she had always been alone. She missed Kylo but she would rather be without him than to be with the Power-hungry Supreme Leader. Keelor was angered by the thought of the Emperor, the very being that drew the couple apart but she couldn't do anything about it. The only feeling she wasn't feeling indifferent about was the constant feeling of guilt. How many had Ree made miserable? Nearly everyone in the Resistance despised her, and they weren't unjustified, she had hunted them, killed several of their friends, she had only done terrible things. Before, she hadn't reflected on them or her actions but they were all coming to the surface, all at once.

Tears managed to escape the blue-eyed's closed eyelids. She remembered how she had wanted to kill the pilot, with a fiery passion. At the time it felt justified, he had fired a blaster at her, but now, she realized what a temperamental child she had been. The Dark side didn't want her to control her feelings and reactions. In the minds of the Dark side, to be powerful she needed to be wild and raw. Keelor didn't want to be that anymore, she wanted to be in control, let her mind make her decisions rather than her rash heart. A turbulent storm that created collateral damage, she needed to be tamed, and the only one who could that was herself.

Every person Ree had ever killed flashed before her eyes. Unnamed people and none of them deserved the fate that she had carried out for them. Her hands that still held the crystal was brought up to her face, she sobbed into her hands, not wanting the rest of the jungle to hear her crying. It was good that she had picked such an isolated spot, the rebels would only laugh at her tears, think her weak. A fragile little woman who cried alone in the middle of the woods.

The Force was radiating around the crying woman. Streams of tears was running from Ree's hands down her wrists. Every life force Ree had taken from the galaxy was there with her. Looking down at her. They got their revenge postmortem. Revenge they deserved. Keelor knew that she deserved every misfortune that came her way, that she had no one but herself to blame. If her death would have reversed the fate of every person she had ever caused pain or misery for, then she would end it at once. But unfortunately, that's not how it worked, they were dead and she lived on in guilt and misery. "I-I'm sorry." The words made her break out in a new wave of tears.

The streams of tears running down her forearms became rivers. The broken heart became obliterated and the darkness became pitch black. 

Feel, then let it go.