Her Eyes #Wattys2018 Winner

Chapter 33

[Reed]

Days passed by. Dieve and I haven't even had a conversation nor an encounter. Ilang araw na rin akong hindi lumalabas ng bahay. I usually lock myself inside my room.

Hindi ko makalimutan 'yong gabing iyon. His feather-like kiss and the last word he said. Laging bumabalik sa alaala ko 'yon. But what I cannot erase on my memory is his crying face. His words begging, he's too broken and I don't know if I can mend it.

It's like a broken record playing in my head. I can't stop thinking of him. I can't stop thinking how I give him too much agony.

"Sorry, Dieve. I'm really sorry." I whispered. Niyakap ko ang unan ko at hinayaan na ito ang makarinig ng mga hikbi na pinipigilan ko.

His words flashed back inside my head.

"You should be happy now, Reed. I'm setting you free. I love you. And I believe that when you love someone you let go of them especially when they are not meant for you. Reed, I'm breaking up with you."

He let go of me but why am I the one who cannot let go of him. Naalala ko lahat simula nang magising ako. He was there, he's there beside me. He's there when I need someone to help me until I recovered. Hindi siya umalis sa tabi ko yet I give him nothing but heartache.

"Reed?" I heard my mom knock to my door. Agad akong umupo at pinunasan ang mga luha sa mukha ko. "Pasok ka, Ma."

Agad naman na pumasok si Mama with a sad smile. "Hija, namumugto nanaman mata mo." She said. "Is there something bothering you?"

Umiling ako at ngumiti. "Wala naman, Ma." I told her. She sat beside me. "Hindi na rin pumupunta rito si Dieve. May kinalaman ba ito sa kanya?" As usual my mom could see through me. Tumingin ako sa mga kamay ko na ngayon ay nakatukod sa mga hita ko.

"Ma, how can you say that you are in love with someone?" I asked. Nilingon ko ang nanay ko na nakatingin sa akin habang may tipid na ngiti sa kanyang labi. "Love is not just a feeling, Reed. It's beyond what we thought it is. Love is a powerful emotion. Either it makes you happy or you make others happy."

I was taken aback with the last words mom said. "Bakit mo natanong, anak?" She asked. I cannot find the words. I was too preoccupied. "If someone let you go, do they really love you?"

My mom gasped. "Did you and Dieve.. you-"

"We broke up, Ma." I finished her statement. "Dieve and I broke up days ago. That's the reason why he isn't coming by anymore."

I heaved a sigh. "He said he'll let go of me because he loves me and he said that I don't belong to him."

"Ohh.. Reed." My mom pulled me into a hug. I suddenly burst into tears. This is what I need. A hug from someone I find comfort with. "Shh.. tahan na, anak." This is the first time my mom saw me crying because of a man. The first time she saw me crying because of someone that has been a part of me.

"You'll be fine soon." She said. I nod. Pinalis ni Mama ang mga luha sa mukha ko. "Dalaga ka na nga talaga, dati iniiyakan mo lang mga sugat mo pagnadadapa ka, ngayon sugat naman sa puso ang iniiyakan mo."

"Reed, nasa baba si Ryoichi." Sabi ni Daddy na umakyat na rin sa kwarto ko. Nagulat ako sa sinabi ni Papa. Agad kong ipinusod ang buhok ko at tinignan ang sarili ko sa salamin kung ayos lang ang itsura ko. My eyes are all puffy and red.

Nang makababa ako ay nakita ko si Ichi na tinitignan ang mga litrato sa sala. "Ichi, bakit ka andito?" I asked him. Tumingin siya sa akin at lalong naging seryoso ang mga mata niya nang makita ako. "Your eyes. Namumugto sila."

"Ah. Okay lang naman ako." I forced a smile. "You're not." He said pacing towards me. Wala ako nagawa kundi ang umatras but too late he grab my wrist and pushed me by the wall.

"Ichi, andito sila Mama." Hinawakan niya ang pisngi ko at pinadaan ang hinlalaki niya sa kaliwang mata ko. "It's not as if we're doing something." Hindi ko mapigilan ang pamulan sa sinabi niya.

"I bet you cried your eyes out." He said looking intently at my eyes. "I know everything. He told me."

His hands are still on my wrist that's why I looked at it but instead of setting it free his grip tightened a little. "Let's go out."

Before I said something else hinaltak na niya ang palapulsuhan ko palabas ng bahay. Doon nag aabang na ang motor niya. Binitiwan niya ang palapulsuhan ko at kinuha ang extra na helmet sa motor niya.

He came near me and he put the helmet on me. In-adjust niya ito upang maging sakto sa sukat ng ulo ko. His eyes then landed to mine. "There, you're safe." He said. Dumiretso naman siya sa motor niya at sumakay niya tsaka nagsuot ng helmet.

That scene seems familiar. My heart pounding hard in my chest. "Sakay na." He said. Agad naman ako sumunod at nang makasakay ako'y lumingon siya sa akin.

Narinig ko ang mahina niyang pagtalak. "Kumapit ka sa akin." It's too awkward. I may have hugged him but that was due to fear. Inilapat ko ang kamay ko sa mga bewang niya nang bigla niyang pakaripasin ng takbo ang motor.

I hugged him tight while my eyes are closed dahil na rin sa takot ko na mahulog sa motor. Agad naman niyang dinahan-dahan ang pagmamaneho at nang idilat ko ang mga mata ko ay nakita kong palayo kami sa siyudad.

"Where are we going?" I asked. Hindi siya umimik. We remained silent. Because of that I tried to enjoy the view. "Kumapit ka lang, Reed."

I heard him mutter. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang tumatakbo sa utak niya. Sumunod na lang ako at kumapit sa kanya.

Leaning my chin by his back. My heart pounding hard. My mind in turmoil. But despite of those things I feel in peace. I feel that I found my sanctuary— my oasis in a desert.