Infinite - Jake T. Austin Love Story

45: Fears

This marks the new cover for my book. I'm honestly sad that I changed the cover, but I thought it would be okay after a year and a half of Infinite.

(Btw photo in this chapter is Mr. Charles Camareno aka daddy of the Camareno brothers)

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45: Fears

I back away, going behind Jayce. I feel my legs shake with each step I take, my arms vibrating as well. "Sorry, Lara's a little shy when it comes to new people," he explains, making the man in front of me chuckle. Jayce has no clue what is going on with my mind, and shyness is not even an accurate representation of anything I'm experiencing: it's a splatter of blood, perspiration, anger, tears, and pure anxiety - I feel nothing but darkness and fear run in my veins at the sound of his voice, the wavelength of his laughter, the mere sight of him breathing. How is this possible? When was he this admired man to Jayce and Charlie? Why is it that he chose to come to Alaska with his family when he separated from them? He had no idea where I was - where I lived, but now, he has a basic idea of where to go. Why did he have to be their cousin? Why couldn't it have been anyone else... Just anyone but him?

He sits down by Charlie, picking him up to sit in his lap, before putting his eyes towards the TV screen. I try not to make eye contact, but with his single presence here, my eyes have a mind of their own, looking at him to see if he'll pounce at me at any time. I feel like death is choking me ever so slowly, making me suffer in this building in comparison to hell.

"Jake," his voice echoes, making me look up from my lap right away. I realize that he was staring at me, smirking, but then, he continues his statement, "How'd you meet - what's your name again?" Before I can even open my mouth, Jayce sits up, "Her name is Lara, Quinn; but if you must know, me and Lara have been friends ever since I moved here," Jayce smiles at me, answering proudly. I feel my heart pound harder, recognizing what Quinn had just done. He spoke out Jake's name to see how attentive I was, noting down the way I react when he was talking about Jayce.

He continues talking to Jayce, making me uncomfortable by the passing minutes. I feel the room getting smaller and smaller, and I fear that Jayce will leave me alone with this guy. "Kids, it's time to eat," A young woman - well middle-aged - but nevertheless looking young for her age, peeks her head out of the kitchen. I wait for Quinn to stand up with Charlie, exiting, and then follow behind Jayce. I try to keep my mind on task, seeing that Jayce is trying to entertain me with small talk and jokes, but I cannot focus. Instead, as I walk, I am agitated and paranoid, thinking that at any moment Quinn will pull me away into the darkness, completing what he had started before.

Soon enough, we enter the kitchen and circle around the dining table. I notice the food prepared from the platter I brought, the food being cooked earlier, and to the line of desserts. We all join hands - glad that I'm in between Charlie and Jayce - for the thanksgiving prayer that Mr. Camareno - I mean - Uncle Charles will lead. Everyone closes their eyes, waiting for him to start, but I cannot. I see the man across the table, taking one last glance - sending daggers - before slowly closing his eyes.

The prayer is done quickly, and soon enough, we're sitting around the table. On my left, Jayce is present while Charlie is on my right. At the ends, Uncle Charles and one of Jayce's other uncles are seated, while the rest of the long table is filled. I would have been perfectly fine with my seating arrangement, but instead, I feel unsafe, knowing that he is seated across Jayce. I mean - I should be glad he isn't across me directly, but still, I'm in his sight. We begin eating, the relatives of Jayce speaking to each other, Jayce talking to Quinn - being that they're catching up, while Charlie talks to me about a rerun cartoon show he loves watching on TV. I'm relieved that Charlie is making conversation with me, but even at the same time, there is this aching pain throbbing inside my stomach and heart, a fear that won't escape even with the deepest breaths I take. "Lara, do you like the food?" Charlie puts his fork and spoon down, grabbing the bowl of mashed potatoes to pour into his plate. I nod, smiling, feeling that if I talk, something bad will happen. He continues stuffing his face, and Jayce lightly elbows me, pointing down with his eyes to show me that I have barely touched my food. I didn't even notice that I hadn't eaten - I just can't - I feel bile rising up in my throat with just the thought of him here. I lift up my fork to my mouth, and as soon as I let some food inside, it pushes some of the worry down, although it is still hard to breathe.