Secrets In The City

11: No Invite

BRENA

SOMETIMES in life, we tend to believe we're the only ones that endure trials and tribulations. When the reality is, everyone is a solider in their own battles.

After last night, a lot of things became clearer to me. I'm not sure how to process the thought of her father being a murder but I certainly wouldn't put it past him. Those who have come into close contact with Kevin James, can testify to how harsh he was.

He always intimidated me the times we met, which wasn't hard to count because he was never home. He was never fond of me either and I believe he was one of the reasons me and Lillian stopped talking. I know this information had to be shredding her kind heart into pieces. She loves her father with every fiber of her being, she is what you would call, a daddy's girl. Wherever you see him, she wasn't too far behind.

LJ cried all night till her nose was red. She explained how hard it was to keep something like that to herself for so long without telling me. I understood it wasn't because she didn't trust me, it was just too heavy of a secret.

Let's be honest. Who wants to ever admit that their father might just be a murder.

I assured her that I'm not going anywhere. I will be with her every step of the way till the truth comes out. While we find out the truth about her father, I'm still a bit disturbed by what Henry has to give me. I wonder what it is.

Today is Christmas and it feels amazing to be able to recognize the holiday. Last year, I was depressed and angry at the world so the excitement wasn't melted like chocolate heated up in a microwave. Usually, my mother and I would spend the day home and at night, we'd go to see the tree at Rockefeller Center.

It never snows in New York on Christmas Day like they show you guys in movies. I can't remember the last time it did and if it did, it wouldn't look pretty for too long, especially in the hood.

Chyna, Rachael, and Imani are coming by later in the evening for the Christmas dinner. Lillian recommended we switch things up this year. I could tell that I was finally going to enjoy Christmas again.

When I woke LJ up, we said our morning prayers before beginning the long day we had ahead of us.

Yes, I curse almost every minute but I make sure I reverence His presence in my life.

My mother instilled that in me and just because she wasn't here anymore didn't mean I was going to stray away. I remember her telling me how she found God a couple of years before adopting me. The day she found me was when she knew He would never leave her because I was her special gift from Him.

I came into her life at a time she was seeking happiness. Genuine happiness. Ever since, God became very important in our lives.

LJ and I opened up our presents as we sat by the tree. I purchased the pre-lit snow flocked artificial Christmas pine tree because I wasn't expecting to feel the way I did this in this moment. Hopefully next year, I can go shopping for a real tree.

In the beginning of the year, I blocked the idea of Christmas or any other festivities. However, after therapy things are starting to look up to me. I may not be the Brena I was before but I understand it's part of life.

The things we go through make us who we are. I'm truly thankful that God sent back Lillian into myself before I dived back into my former state of depression.